BEAUTY OF THE FORBIDDEN - 14 (2/2)/17 - JONGHYUN X KIBUM

[tewki]

Title: Beauty of the Forbidden
Paring: Jonghyun/Kibum, Jonghyun/Jessica
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17 (PG-13)
Genre: AU, romance, angst, smut
Chapter: Chapter 14, part two: Follow your heart
Beta: bonbonyuri
Warnings: Pervy stuff?
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except from the plot.
Summary: Jonghyun is bored, Kibum is curious and lust is sinful


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Beauty of the Forbidden
Chapter 14, part two: Follow your heart

* * *

“You don't have to leave, Jonghyun. I have somewhere I can stay.”

This must be the third time Jessica had said that.

“You're better at taking care of the house than I am,” he assured her. Minho and Taemin had told him he could stay with them as long as he needed. He had gone back to the house to get his stuff, so he would get it over and done with. After this, he didn't plan on returning to that place any time soon. “Besides, with an addition to the family you're gonna need more space.”

“Are you staying with Minho?”

He nodded, even though Jessica couldn't see it because he wasn't facing her. He knew Jessica didn't need to see it because she already knew the answer to that question, she'd only asked to keep the conversation going. She was standing in the doorway to the bedroom,while Jonghyun was paying more attention to his black suitcase than to her. “Until I can find a more permanent place. I know a few people so it shouldn't be too long ,though.”

“Yeah...” Jessica said. To Jonghyun it sounded like a sigh. A sigh of relief, worry and fright all in one; a sigh that said this charade was finally over.

“I was seeing someone behind your back, too,” Jonghyun said, only then turning around to actually look her in the eyes.

“I know. I'm not dumb.” She didn't sound even the slightest bit angry or disappointed.

There was something weird lingering in the air. Constant awkward silence and obvious questions asked in a measly attempt to break it wasn't something Jonghyun was used to. It was as if everyone around Jonghyun were trying their hardest to keep a poker-face and act as indifferent as possible, scared that they might say or do something that would break what had already been completely broken. It had all officially gone straight to hell now. Wasn't now the time where they should be letting everything lose and be hysterical and dramatic, now that they were finally allowed to? It bothered Jonghyun how they were still pretending to be walking on thin ice around each other, even though it was obvious that they were all under water by now.

But the question was, why was Jonghyun pretending, too? Why he wasn't jumping and dancing in joy? He wasn't going to live the superficial life his family had predetermined for him anymore. He was going to live his own life and make his own decisions. Make his own path, like you say. That should be something to celebrate, shouldn't it?

Only, how was he supposed to make this path? Where was he supposed to start? He had always thought this was what he wanted, but now that it was actually happening, Jonghyun didn't feel happy or relieved at all. In fact, he felt the complete opposite: he was terrified.

Starting today he would be in charge of his life. He was going to be himself - the real Kim Jonghyun. But who the heck was Kim Jonghyun? If he wasn't the upper-class brat with everything you could ever wish for, who never had to do anything but follow orders - then who was? he?

And as if Jessica was reading his mind, she asked: “What are you going to do now, Jonghyun?”

There it was again. The expectations. Always those fucking expectations.

“Finish packing,” he said.

“You know what I mean.”

He did, he just didn't want to think about it.

So, what was he going to do? Be himself? Find himself?

“Find an apartment.”

Jessica didn't push him any further. It was obvious she wouldn't get a proper answer.

“I know what I'm going to do,” she said.

“Have a kid?” Jonghyun said jokingly and turned around to face her. He even managed to offer her a small smile.

“Follow my heart.”

His smile faded as quickly as it had appeared.

“Not listen to anyone else. Live my life. Be happy,” she said. “You should do the same.”

Jonghyun didn't reply. He turned his attention back to the suitcase on the bed and packed the last of his shirts in silence.

* * *

His parents were having dinner when Jonghyun went to visit them. The house he grew up in felt strangely unfamiliar, as if he were looking at it with different eyes for the first time The furniture, the light, the spacious rooms - everything here was inhumanly perfect. The house was never messy or dirty and nothing was ever misplaced.

Jonghyun wondered how people could possibly live like this. Willingly choosing a life where failure and imperfection was not accepted despite knowing full well that they were bound to happen sooner or later.

“You sure you don't want anything, honey?” his mother asked, “It would be nicer if you joined us.”
Jonghyun shook his head as he took a seat at the big table. His parents hadn't been expecting him, but seemed pleasantly surprised when Jonghyun walked through the front door.

“How are you, son? How's Jessica?”

That was the cue. But was Jonghyun strong enough to deal with his parents seeing him for the failure he was? After all, it wasn't too late to take the easy way out. Jessica wasn't the only girl to meet his parents expectations. She was one of the few, but not the only one. Just because she was out of his life didn't mean Jonghyun couldn't live the easy and pathetically comfortable life his parents offered him, if he would just play by the rules. He didn't have to be all alone and fight for the impossible. He could still go back to his old, familiar life.

“We're both fine.”

A long time ago Jonghyun's father had told him to grow up. They had been talking about the future of the company and Jonghyun said for the millionth time that he didn't want to have anything to do with it. His father told him to stop being so immature and take responsibility; that it was time to grow up and start acting like an adult. He wasn't sure why he was recalling that incident now. Was he trying to tell himself that this was the time to step up and be the adult his father had asked him to be? To grow up and take responsibility?

“I lied,” he heard himself say.

Both his parents just stared at him.

“Jessica and I broke up.”

His father stopped chewing the food he had in his mouth. His mother's eyes widened.

“I cheated on her, but that's not why we broke up. And the kid isn't mine, but that's not why we broke up either.”

Jonghyun's hands were shaking, but he still managed to keep his voice composed and calm. When he said it out loud like that it sounded so absurd it was comical. His parents didn't move, they barely seemed to even breathe.

“I said she could keep the house, so I'm staying with Minho and Taemin.”

The silence that followed was expected and not surprising at all. What the heck, Jonghyun found himself thinking, might as well go all in.

“And I'm quitting work.”

“What are you saying, Jonghyun?” his father finally managed to say. He was looking at Jonghyun in confusion. The words coming out of his son's mouth were so alien to him, the old man didn't understand what he was saying.

“I'm saying Jessica cheated on me with another guy, so the kid isn't mine, and I cheated on her with another guy as well.”

His mother let out a breathless gasp and his father dropped the glass in his hand, spilling red wine all over the white tablecloth.

“Also, I'm in love with him.”

“You're what?!” his mother screamed. She wasn't the type to raise her voice so it startled Jonghyun and he jumped a little in surprise. But he refused to retreat now. Even if his conscience was whispering, like a mantra, to take back what he had just said, he definitely wouldn't back off now.

“Remember Kim Kibum, dad? The guy you hired as a cleaner like two years ago?” Jonghyun wasn't expecting an answer, so he continued without waiting: “Brown hair, kind of girly, walks as if he's constantly on a catwalk? It's him.”

“Your sense of humor is tasteless, Jonghyun,” his father said. His mouth was pressed to a straight line and his eyes were shooting daggers at his son. “This is not funny, nor is it appropriate.”

“It's not funny because it's not a joke. I don't live with Jessica anymore and I'm in love with-”

“Get out of my house!” his dad suddenly screamed, pointing at the door. He rose from his chair, almost knocking over his wife's glass of wine in the process. Jonghyun realized his mother was crying. “Out! I don't want to see you here, get out!”

Once again, Jonghyun found himself in a position where he couldn't do anything but fuck things up even more and make more people disappointed. Once again, he was paying the price for one of his thousands of mistakes. Silently and calmly, he got up from his seat and made his way out of his parents' house.

* * *

Follow my heart. That's what Jessica said. How cheesy. How do you even 'follow your heart'? By being stupid and reckless? Jonghyun didn't know what he wanted. He wasn't even sure who the heck he was supposed to be, now that he wasn't going to be his parents' marionette anymore. So how the heck was he supposed to casually 'follow his heart' like Jessica said she would?

Well, it wasn't entirely true Jonghyun didn't know what he wanted. He had an idea of what he wanted, he just didn't know how to get it. But 'follow your heart', was it, right? As dumb and as cliche - and not to mention selfish - as that might sound, maybe that's what he should do just this once. Or at least try to.

...Or maybe not? Maybe he should turn around and leave now that he still had the chance to?

He let out a heavy sigh. He didn't know.

Deciding not to over-think his decision anymore and just do it, Jonghyun raised his hand and knocked on the door in front of him.

Knock, knock.

His heart was in his throat and his palms were sticky with sweat. He was drowning in adrenaline, feeling his legs ready to run away any moment now. His knees felt so weak that Jonghyun had unconsciously placed a hand against the wall next to the door to hold his balance.

Knock, knock.

It didn't seem like he was home. Jonghyun sighed again, letting out a heavy and deep exhale. Was the fact he wasn't home a sign? Maybe some almighty and unknown force was giving him one last chance to turn around and pretend this never happened, so Jonghyun could do what's right: go back to his parents and apologize for making such a nasty joke and try to find another suitable woman.

Knock, knock.

He definitely wasn't home and this was definitely a sign. He finally gets the balls to face his biggest fear and regret, and the boy isn't even home - what are the chances? 'Follow my heart', what kind of bullshit was that? What a naïve way of thinking.

Jonghyun inspected the door before him carefully, remembering all the times he had been in that apartment with him. All the times where he had been able to act true to himself. The only place where he didn't need to lie about who he wanted to be, who he was and who he was expected to be.

If this was a sign then fuck it and fuck whoever gave it to him.

He sat down on the floor, back resting against the wall opposite to the door. He crossed his arms, let out one last sigh and waited.

part one | next

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A/N: FINALLY! Finally Jonghyun's doing what he should have done a long time ago! It was about time, don't you agree? I'm proud of you, oppa! Fighting!

This fic is slowly coming to it's end. I'd say there's roughly three, four chapters left. Just to let you guys know! Anyway, I hope whoever is still reading this enjoyed this chapter~