Beauty of the Forbidden - 11 (2/2)/? - Jonghyun x Kibum

[tewki]

Title: Beauty of the Forbidden
Paring: Jonghyun/Kibum, Jonghyun/Jessica
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17 (PG-13)
Genre: AU, romance, angst, smut
Chapter: Chapter 11, part two: The Perfect Life
Warnings: Pervy stuff?
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except from the plot.
Beta: kpoppets
Summary: Jonghyun is bored, Kibum is curious and lust is sinful


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Beauty of the Forbidden
Chapter 11, part two: The Perfect Life

When Jonghyun opened his eyes he almost had a heart attack.

He wasn't in his bed like he could have sworn he was. Instead, he was sitting in his black office chair; his neck hurting from the odd position in which he had fallen asleep, with his feet on his desk, atop papers that were probably important.

How the heck did he get here?

He sat up properly and stretched his neck from side to side, groaning at the pain, before glancing over at the clock on the wall. It was still early, a little past ten, and he was wondering when he got here. He didn't recall driving to work today.

But he was already here so he thought he might as well get things done. However, concentration and rational thinking were not cooperating with him in any way; the numbers and names on the papers were a blurred mess, making it impossible for Jonghyun to understand or even read what it said.

In the end he just sighed and decided that it wasn't worth sitting here, wasting his time pretending he was working. He didn't even bother packing his bag with papers, because he knew he wouldn't even glance at them once he got home.

* * *

He was tired, and couldn't really figure out if the drive home felt long or if he actually was driving slower than usual. He arrived, sooner or later, taking a moment before stepping out of his silver coloured car, because his head was throbbing too much and wasn't allowing him to think straight.

Deciding that sitting in his car wouldn't help his headache he finally got out, and the first thing he heard when opening the car door was someone yelling. Perfect, this was exactly what he needed; other people's drama.

“You can't do this!” a woman screamed, a few houses away; her voice high pitched and broken, dressed in only a silky nightgown.

It took some time for Jonghyun to realize that the woman was familiar - she was one of the neighbours who had come to welcome Jonghyun and Jessica when they had just moved in - because he had never seen her like that before, dressed so inappropriately and crying so loudly. She was holding onto a man's arm; a man dressed in a suit, who refused to look at her. The man jerked his hand away from her grip, and when she tried to grab him again he turned around and slapped her hard enough for her to lose her balance and fall. He called her a whore before walking away, leaving the crying woman on the ground.

“Are you alright?” a female voice asked, but Jonghyun didn't turn to see who it was or if the woman was alright. He had enough problems to deal with himself.

~ * ~ * ~

Jonghyun's change of mood and weird behaviour apparently made it's way outside Seoul too, because suddenly Minho showed up at his doorstep around lunch time, with a short young male in blond hair. Before Jonghyun had time to register Minho standing in front of him, the baby faced boy had wrapped his arms around him and practically yelled into Jonghyun's ear that he had missed him.

“You're chocking him, Tae,” Minho said, in that unenthusiastic tone that only he could master even when everyone else around him would be too hyper for their own good.

Jonghyun would have been happy - he hadn't seen Minho or Taemin for quite some time - if it wasn't for the fact that he knew someone had told them something was wrong. Be it Jessica or his parents, someone told them without Jonghyun's approval.

“What are you doing here?” he asked and carefully pushed Taemin away, ignoring the younger one's frown at the cold greeting. The question sounded a lot more unwelcoming than intended.

“We were in town and decided to stop by,” Minho answered, as he closed the door behind him; one hand scratching his neck. They had known each other long enough for Minho to step inside even though Jonghyun hadn't invited him in yet. They had also known each other long enough for Jonghyun to know that Minho was lying.

“How do you know I'm not working?”

His father had given Jonghyun a week off, saying with a cheerful smile “you need to take some rest”. Which, by the way, made Jonghyun wonder if Jessica had spoken to his father about their unsuccessful trip. He couldn't see any other reason his father would offer him a week off even after being in Thailand for two weeks. It was just silly, really, because for the past few months Jonghyun had been taking days off whenever he felt like it. He guessed that his father hoped it would cheer him up, or at least help him in some way, if he had had a week officially off, or something like that. Good try, dad.

What he said wasn't really a question, it was more like a statement; a blunt way to smear the lie in Minho's face. It was ruder than necessary, but Jonghyun was starting to get sick of people talking about him behind his back.

“You haven't been going to work that frequently,” Minho said. “I tried calling but you're never there. Also, either you lost your cellphone or you simply haven't used it in a long time. I had to call Jessica noona to make sure you were still alive.”

Jonghyun frowned and quickly walked past Minho, to his jacket. He started looking in the pockets of all his jackets and when he didn't find his phone he even checked Jessica's jackets. Both his eyebrows rose in surprise, and he quietly jogged upstairs, to his bedroom, to see if the phone was there. Then he realized he never actually bought a new cellphone after throwing in the garbage.

“I'm going to buy a new one,” he said, when he was walking down the stairs a couple of minutes later. He had taken long enough for Minho and Taemin to settle down on the couch in the spacious living room.

“Your house is really nice, hyung,” Taemin commented when Jonghyun sat down as well, in one of the armchairs.

He just nodded at that, still not quite understanding how the heck he hadn't noticed he had been without a cellphone for almost five months.

“Are you alright?” Minho asked.

“Better than ever. Do you want something to drink?” Jonghyun said and was about to get up from where he was sitting, but didn't when they both shook their heads.

There was a tension in the air, a heavy silence that Jonghyun only had experienced once with Minho; that time when they still were stupid teenagers and had a stupid fight about a stupid girl. Jonghyun had honestly forgotten about that time, it was so insignificant, but it had also been the first time both of them had been willing to give up their friendship.

“How long has it been?” Minho suddenly asked, which made Jonghyun blink.

“What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely confused, but Minho gave him that look, apparently not believing him.

Oh.

“What do you care?” Jonghyun asked instead; his tone defensive as if Minho was accusing him of something.

Which made sense, because Minho probably was accusing him. That was the only thing people had done, the only thing people could do right; accuse Jonghyun for everything, doing nothing but judge him without even taking a look at themselves. Why would Minho be any different?

“What's his name?” Taemin suddenly asked. Jonghyun wasn't surprised that Taemin knew what he and Minho were talking about. Minho and Taemin were like one person; whatever Minho knew Taemin knew as well. Jonghyun was fine with that, over these past years he had gotten used to it.

The young male was clever, because the way he tilted his head, the way his eyes sparkled and the way he could master that voice as sweet as honey, he knew Jonghyun wouldn't answer back as angrily as he had with Minho. And when Jonghyun would glare at him even the slightest for asking such a thing, Taemin smiled; his smile assuring Jonghyun that at least he wasn't blaming Jonghyun for anything.

“I don't know, don't remember” Jonghyun answered, because telling Taemin to fuck off was impossible (it wasn't impossible with Minho), and it was stupidest lie he had ever told, both in his own opinion and in his friends' opinion. However, it was enough for Taemin to know that even he couldn't walk any further in this, because even he would get in trouble. Minho and Taemin were already walking on thin ice, they had been ever since they entered Jonghyun's house, and they could both see how the ice slowly started to crack under their feet.

“Five months,” Jonghyun suddenly said, after a few seconds of silence; causing Minho to look up from his hands to look at him. “It's been almost five months.”

The tension seemed to get even heavier, because now the reason to why Minho and Taemin's visit was uncovered in a way that made it impossible for Jonghyun to ignore it.

“Do you miss him?”

Jonghyun frowned, at first angry over that blunt and stupid question, before realizing that he shouldn't frown, because he didn't miss him. Instead, he laughed.

“Don't be ridiculous.”

“Then why are you acting like this?” Minho asked; deciding that it didn't matter if Jonghyun ended up throwing out both him and Taemin. Jonghyun needed a wake up call, no matter if he wanted it or not. “Who are you trying to fool the most, hyung; us or yourself?”

And as expected that was the last straw. Jonghyun raised his head; his eyes burning holes in Minho, his knuckles itching to punch his mouth for talking about things he didn't know shit about.

“What the fuck do you care? You never liked him in the first place,” Jonghyun hissed, not noticing how Taemin tensed and glanced over worryingly at the taller male, as if he was expecting Minho to take back what he just said. “What do you expect me to say? That I'm sad? That I regret what I did? I'm doing exactly what everyone wants me to do, why the fuck are you still bugging me? What's the problem now?”

“I never said I didn't like him,” Minho calmly replied, raising his hands slightly to show Jonghyun that his intentions hadn't been to rub salt into the wounds. “I've never met him, why would I say-”

“You didn't want me to be with him.”

“You didn't break it off because I didn't want you to be with him, hyung,” Minho said, his eyes narrowing in irritation, because just as Jonghyun was sick of people trying to 'set him up', Minho was sick of Jonghyun blaming other people for his own mistakes. “You broke it off because you knew it was wrong, you already have Jessica noona. I even helped you with-”

“Yeah, thanks a lot, Minho,” Jonghyun said, peering his eyes and giving Minho a fake smile, even nodding his head a little for more effect.

Minho rolled his eyes, not believing he was having this conversation with a hyung, but before he could say anything Taemin put his hand on his thigh and gave him a warningly look.

They were quiet for a few seconds; the tension being so heavy neither of them could carry it any more. Jonghyun wasn't in the mood for trying to be nice any more, he wanted nothing but throw out this guy who supposedly was his best friend but was acting like everything but that. Minho was so tempted to press Jonghyun's buttons, both because he wanted to help him but also because he wanted to put him in his place. However, Taemin's hand was stopping him from letting out anything he had in mind.

“You act as if you've never done anything like this,” Jonghyun mumbled, as if he wasn't sure he wanted Minho to hear or not. He knew bringing up something like that, something that was still rather fresh in Minho's mind, was crossing the line; Minho really wasn't there just to rub shit in his face, even thought it felt like it. Still, Jonghyun had nothing left to protect himself with; his dignity was long gone and his self respect too. Could things seriously get any worse? “Take a good look at yourself before judging me, Minho. We're not as different as you would like to think.”

That was the cue, if Jonghyun wasn't holding back then Minho wouldn't either. He grabbed Taemin's wrist and removed his hand; his eyes challenging, daring Jonghyun to say something like that again.

“Don't,” Taemin said before Minho had the time to open his mouth; his voice shaking a little because he should have swallowed before speaking and he should have blinked hard, to not make it so obvious that what Jonghyun just said had pierced his heart, had given it a sudden brutal stab.

But his words had no effect on Minho.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he said and raised his voice, formality and respect forgotten. “This is about you, not me. Stop trying to drag people down with you, this is all your own fault. You messed this up because you were toying with people and this is the price you pay for it. No one asked you to cheat on Jessica noona in the first place, and no one asked you to fall in love either.”

Jonghyun froze, his mind not forming any coherent words. In a desperate attempt to defend himself, to deny what Minho just said, he got up and almost threw himself over his friend. If his mind wouldn't react then at least his body would.

Minho's reflexes were quick and he stood up, Taemin standing next to him, screaming at both of them to stop and not fight.

“Get the fuck out of here!” Jonghyun yelled and suddenly he was the hen; the one spitting out stupid things, desperately letting out incoherent sentences, stupid conclusions and unnecessary insults.

He didn't even know what he was saying or yelling or doing. All he knew was that he wanted these two bastards out of his home.

* * *

Jonghyun hated them. He hated them all; Minho and Taemin, his parents, his sister, the company, Jessica, Kibum. Even Jinki.

They were all expecting something from him; his family expecting a good son and brother, the company expecting a boss just as good as - if not better than - his father, Minho expecting a good hyung, Jessica expecting a caring and responsible partner. Why couldn't they do their own shit, why did they expect so much from Jonghyun? Jonghyun didn't want anything from them. Why wouldn't they just leave him alone?

And that was when Jonghyun thought “fuck this”, and he rushed into his bedroom; throwing as many shirts and pants his little bag allowed him to before almost running out of the door. He threw his bag in his car and slammed the door shut after seating himself.

He was determined to leave, to drive far, far, away from here and never come back. That would teach them a good lesson, teach them to not expect Jonghyun to do whatever the fuck they wanted all the time.

But the sound of the engine as he turned it on felt like a slap on his cheek, a cold shower that woke him up with a jolt.

What the fuck am I doing?

Who was he kidding, Jonghyun wouldn't go anywhere. Even if he really wanted to, he couldn't go anywhere. He was stuck; life being on one side and a steep cliff on the other.

His eyes started to water as desperation took control of his everything; the feeling of not being able to escape from the invisible monster that was hunting him. It hurt, it hurt so fucking much - his chest, his limbs, his heart - and Jonghyun did everything he could to distract himself from that pain; shaking hands punching the steering wheel over and over again, feet kicking whatever they could reach.

“Fuck!” he screamed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” till his throat started to burn.

He was trapped inside himself as his mind took him back to that sunny morning in the office, when Jonghyun bumped into a perfect, unsullied boy who dropped everything in his hands. To that time in the club, when that boy had been tipsy and blushing, still untouched; at first hesitating because he, unlike Jonghyun, had morals and could tell right and wrong apart. To that first time when he had been standing in his bedroom in front of Jonghyun, so fragile, so exposed and vulnerable, not seeing Jonghyun for the selfish coward he is.

“I'm so sorry,” Jonghyun whispered over and over again; tears running down his eyes, hands grabbing the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white, his forehead hitting it hard in a attempt to make the memories stop.

His smile, his laughs, his eyes, everything was still there, no matter if Jonghyun opened or closed his eyes. He could still see him, feel him, taste him and the fact that he was so far away but yet so close, so hated but yet so loved, drove Jonghyun insane.

He screamed again, his hands going up to his scalp and grabbing fists full of hair; his lungs refusing to let him breathe, his limbs and bottom lip shaking, tears soaking his face.

I'm so sorry.

~ * ~ * ~

The doorbell rang. Jessica wasn't home and Jonghyun didn't feel like opening the door. He gave the guest a half hearted chance by letting out a weak “Come in”. He didn't know if the door was locked or not, but he didn't care either.

He was lying on his couch, the remote in his hand in a loose grip and his feet on the oval glass coffee table. His back was facing the hall, and even when he heard the door open he didn't mind turning his head.

“I need to talk to you.”

Jonghyun's groan was cut short in his throat, because he made it just in time to stop it. More than anything, he regretted not pretending he wasn't home.

Seriously, this man... Would he ever leave Jonghyun alone? He was in his home now - his personal sanctuary - the only place that he could almost lock everything out. Still, his father had the guts to bring all problems here.

“I really don't-“ Jonghyun started, and was about to turn the volume up before the man behind him took the remote from his hand and turned off the television.

“As your father, not as your boss.”

Jonghyun honestly couldn't see the difference, because there had never been a difference between his father and boss. They were both demanding, just about different things. But Jonghyun decided to go along with it because even if he would throw out his father by force, his father would eventually come back.

“I need to know what you want, Jonghyun,” his father said, as he sat down in the vintage purple silk armchair, next to the matching couch. “I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong.”

Jonghyun didn't recall ever asking for his help.

“You have always been a little... rebellious when it comes to work, but this is going too far now. What's wrong?”

Jonghyun had never asked his father for advice, not because he hated him or thought he was stupid, but just because they were different. Jonghyun loved his father, but he simply wasn't how his dad wanted him to be. He wasn't this hard-working man that would put his heart and soul into the family business. Not now and perhaps not ever. And that was alright, because Jonghyun's father wasn't how Jonghyun wanted him to be either. Instead of being understanding, compromising and a little more... human, he was strict and expectant, a perfectionist. He was born for his work, lived for his work and would die for his work.

When Jonghyun was younger he used to ask himself if he was adopted. When he stopped asking himself that, he started wishing it instead.

“What if I don't want this?” Jonghyun asked. He didn't know how many times he had asked that, or just said it, but this was the first time his dad actually listened.

Perhaps it was because he didn't sound as arrogant as he used to, like a brat who did the exact opposite of what his parents told him to just because he can. The one asking was his heart, and Jonghyun knew that this was the last time that question would leave his lips; because it would never sound as honest as it did now.

His father would have answered like his usual self; saying that Jonghyun was just confused, that he didn't know any better and that he was too immature to appreciate what was right in front of his eyes. But he didn't, because he could hear how real his voice sounded, the repressed desperation, the confusion and the fright.

“Then what do you want, Jonghyun?” he asked. “If this is what you really don't want, then what do you want?”

Silence, as expected.

“Is it the responsibility you don't want?”

“I don't know.”

A heavy sigh left his father's lips.

“Jonghyun,” he started because Jonghyun was looking anywhere else but at him, “has it ever crossed your mind that you haven't even given this a chance? You haven't given the company a chance, me a chance or even Jessica a chance. All you keep saying is 'I don't want this, I don't want that'. Why?”

Everything was so new, so unfamiliar. Jonghyun was twenty-one years old, he had been living with his father for eighteen years and had been working for him for three years. But this was the first time they were actually listening to each other. They had both been saying the same things over and over again, but it wasn't till now that they both finally decided to listen.

“Do you realize that you have everything right in front of your eyes? What else do you expect from life, Jonghyun?” his father sighed again, as if he felt exactly like Jonghyun was feeling; that if it didn't work this time then it would never, ever work. “Give everyone and everything an honest chance.”

Jonghyun was about to snap back that he already had given everything and everyone an honest chance, that his dad couldn't do anything but just nag and boss him around. But when he opened his mouth his words wouldn't come out; his body telling his mind “wait a second”.

Had he really? He wasn't sure.

Taking his eyes off his father, Jonghyun lowered his head and closed his eyes to give himself a moment to just think.

What was all this complaining about? Kibum? Kibum wasn't a part of his life any more; the only obstacle, the only person who could be the one getting between Jonghyun and the life he was supposed to live, wasn't there any more. And he wasn't there for a reason, Jonghyun and Kibum weren't meant for each other; not in his own eyes, not in Kibum's eyes and especially not in the eyes of everyone else.

Everything had just been a whim; his father had told him over and over again to grow up. He was twenty-one years old, he had his girlfriend, his job, he just bought a house... What was stopping him?

* * *

But just as Jonghyun thought that he could get a hold of this - that he maybe could see himself growing up, see himself take his place in this world and actually get somewhere with his life - Jessica destroyed everything; like a globe made out of the finest glass slipping from her hands. In a split second Jonghyun's life fell apart again, when she came home with a desperate expression on her face and tears in her eyes, saying that she was pregnant.

part one | next

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A/N: So sorry for the late update OTL
Like I said, long chapter is long. I hope that makes up for the long wait~

And omfg I can't believe I'm actually going to see SHINee and Super Junior live omg ;_; And f(x) and SNSD OMFG *dies*. right, and dbsk too, but meh. idc. xD