Test run for imperial_saga

[king_of_koopas]

1)
[So, both you and Bowser have left your respective armies behind and are meeting right in the middle- to negotiate, or to engage in a duel.]

... alright, my beef ain't with you. But YOUR piddly little warband's sitting in MY glorious army's path, and we're either going through you or over you, because you're looking at the biggest, baddest

Comments

[top_secret_idol]

Your accommodations are surprisingly pleasant. I had not expected such from the dread King of Koopas.

[king_of_koopas]

[... okay, THIS one has been throwing Bowser for a loop- since when were kidnapped princesses so calm? He'd expected a LOT more screaming and crying for help and/or mercy, not... not this. Honestly, it's worrying Bowser more than a little bit.]

Huh? Er, I mean- BWAhahaha! It's either this or the prison cells, Princess, and even I've got standards-

But you never know! If your kingdom doesn't cave into my demands, I might just send them a picture of their precious princess, chained up in a cold stone cell!!

[... so the Koopa King's been blustering more than usual, if only to make himself feel a little better.]

[top_secret_idol]

Hmmm... is that so? And what kingdom would that be, exactly?

1/2

[king_of_koopas]

[There is a long, dreadful pause here.]

[king_of_koopas]

[And then Bowser stomps forward, looming over Takane.]

It's WAY too late to play dumb with me, Princess! You're from that- that Tawa or Sawa Kingdom or whatever! The one with all those electric thingies! And I got you right here, right where I want you! Where THEY don't want you to be!!

[top_secret_idol]

I certainly cannot fault the Kingdom of Sawa for their grace and hospitality, but I would certainly not blame them if they could not spare the manpower to mount a rescue. Lord Mitsunari was most welcoming of my troupe when we arrived at town, but we are mere commoners in the grand scheme of things.

[king_of_koopas]

A commoner? A- a COMMONER!? Are you telling me that I busted my shell, nearly wrecked my Koopa Kopter, and crashed through a wall- both ways- to kidnap a wandering minstrel!? How am I supposed to hold you for ransom!? WHO am I supposed to hold you for ransom TO!?

[Bowser spins around, roaring so hard that the walls shake.]

I'M GONNA STOMP MY MORONIC MAPMAKER MINIONS SO HARD THAT THEY'LL FALL INTO THE MINUS WORLD!!

[top_secret_idol]

Had you listened earlier when you were engaging in this scheme, I attempted to explain the situation at length multiple times.

[king_of_koopas]

Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't hear a word you were saying over all the EVERYONE TRYING TO SHOOT ME DOWN FROM THE SKIES!

Look, we've gotta have a dress and a tiara around here SOMEWHERE- if we got you dressed up as a princess, there's gotta be SOME kingdom out there dumb enough to think that you're one of their own-

[top_secret_idol]

That seems a great deal of effort to rest on the assumption that a Kingdom would be unaware of the status and number of their own princesses.

[king_of_koopas]

[Bowser's already rummaging through the cabinet at the back of the room, his claws clumsily picking through the dresses stored within.]

Are you kidding me!? Half of them couldn't keep track of their own HANDS, let alone a bunch of giggling girls in fancy dresses! Absolutely NOTHING could go wrong with this plan!

[top_secret_idol]

I believe I have located a flaw in your plan.

[king_of_koopas]

Geh--!?

What? What is it!? Spit it out already!

[top_secret_idol]

None of these dresses are at all suited to my hair and complexion. No self-respecting kingdom would believe me a princess of theirs without the appropriate dresses and finery.

[king_of_koopas]

... you wanna run that by me again? A princess is a princess is a princess, ain't it? Who's gonna care that the dress doesn't go with your hair... plexion!?

[top_secret_idol]

This dress is bright orange with neon green polka dots. Nobody would look like a princess in it.