rant
I hate the way i dont know how to feel anymore. I hate the way i dont know what to do about anything. I hate the way i hate everything. I hate the way i'm hating Mike right now...
I mean, this morning, i phoned him, and someone picked up and i thought it was mike so i was like 'heeey' and the person on the phone just said 'mikes not here right now but you can talk sexy to me anytime!' i just giggled nervously said 'ok, bye' and put the phone down while they were in the middle of a sentence. Guess where he was? At work. Did he even bother telling me? No. I had to text Chris and ask him. I could have just turned up at Curry Rivel to meet him, and he wouldn't have been there, and I would have had no idea. He SUCKS. Argh, ok, ok, I may be overreacting. But I was already having doubts about how i felt about him, and he goes and does this. He's just messing me around, i know that. He's so pretty, but he's a bastard. And I know i'm just going to forgive him. I'm just imagining this whole loving relationship with him that I know isn't there and never will be. But maybe i'm overreacting there to. I'm just so confused about how i feel. I want things I can't have. And i don't even know if i want the things i think want. I'm just going to take it slowly, you know? Try to figure this all out before i mess up everything with everybody. I want security, but i want freedom. Yesterday really made me think hard about everything thats happened recently. And who i want in my life. And who i dont. I'm trying to make everything work, and I know i'm going to have to make extremely hard decisions soon.
I mean, this morning, i phoned him, and someone picked up and i thought it was mike so i was like 'heeey' and the person on the phone just said 'mikes not here right now but you can talk sexy to me anytime!' i just giggled nervously said 'ok, bye' and put the phone down while they were in the middle of a sentence. Guess where he was? At work. Did he even bother telling me? No. I had to text Chris and ask him. I could have just turned up at Curry Rivel to meet him, and he wouldn't have been there, and I would have had no idea. He SUCKS. Argh, ok, ok, I may be overreacting. But I was already having doubts about how i felt about him, and he goes and does this. He's just messing me around, i know that. He's so pretty, but he's a bastard. And I know i'm just going to forgive him. I'm just imagining this whole loving relationship with him that I know isn't there and never will be. But maybe i'm overreacting there to. I'm just so confused about how i feel. I want things I can't have. And i don't even know if i want the things i think want. I'm just going to take it slowly, you know? Try to figure this all out before i mess up everything with everybody. I want security, but i want freedom. Yesterday really made me think hard about everything thats happened recently. And who i want in my life. And who i dont. I'm trying to make everything work, and I know i'm going to have to make extremely hard decisions soon.