Love Triangles Are the Best... And by Best I Mean Worst
I'm not homeless anymore! This is exciting. I live in Manchester now. Not quite New York, but given the current state of my life, it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm leaseless, too, which means that while I technically could be kicked out at any time it also means I get to leave at any time, and I didn't have to deal with a background or credit check either. Nor did I have to put down a security deposit, which meant I could get a desk for my room and a chair and a minivac and bed linens and other things. Working out pretty good. The two roommates I've met are a pretty considerate and chill couple who are more than willing to compromise if need be, and one of them's a musician, too. I'm finally not in a bad spot, especially at $350 a month for everything.
I ended up spending a lot of time with Kate yesterday. It was great. I felt like we were connecting a lot more, and I think she might be finally opening up to the possibility. We met up at Strangebrew after I got off work (she looked smashing in her little black outfit), ate popcorn, had a little more than enough to drink, and chatted about exciting things in our lives. We also played a game with an everchanging name that felt like a flag to me, the most common name variation being "Dealbreaker or Not". A lot of it was her asking if "terrible" traits or behaviors in a girl would be enough for me to call off a relationship. Some of them were ridiculous while others were definitely concerns she had about her own personality that made me feel as though she were trying to see if I would mind those things about her. We called this horrible imaginary woman Nancy. The topic of love came up and I compared it to a work of art, how love can evoke feelings but it's not a feeling itself; love is a construct that takes dedication and effort and work to make it good, to be proud of it and happy with it. She made a little joke about how she always gets bored in relationships, but told me that my thoughts on it were poetic. Further conversations dipped in and out of "Dealbreaker" and other general craziness and chitchat. God, she looked good.
8 o'clock rolled around and we headed to the Wild Rover for an open mic. She apparently invited her brother Chris, her friend Em, and... Mike. Chris and Em ended up not showing up, but naturally Mike did. Kate ended up sitting on his side and seemed to be dispensing attention as evenly as she could. Mike was flirting it up with her, and she a little with him, which felt all kinds of awful. However, his flirtations were more generic teasing, so I ended up trying a more personal and appealing route. I felt a little bad, because when guys do that I feel like they're treating the woman as a piece of meat rather than a person, but at the same time I feel the way I handled it probably lead things to where they ended up (spoiler alert: nothing actually happens and I don't know where I stand with her still). I ended up signing up at her behest and letting her make a request, which was naturally the song I wrote about her that she knows I wrote about her that she loves ("How Do I?"). His flirtations got a bit more physical, where he kept using this lady's hair that was "in the way of his view of the Bruins game" as an excuse to push his body against her into the wall. You know, juvenile generic teasing flirtations. Fucking grade school stuff. They eventually switched seats so that Kate could prove he could see fine, though I suspect it was largely because Kate was tired of him invading her personal space so roughly. She may fall for it unconsciously, but I'm pretty sure she hates stuff like that otherwise. It made me feel better though when they switched seats, though I suspect he was okay with her sitting in the same chair his Bruins jersey was on. Guys fucking love that, especially finding a few strands of hair on the jacket or jersey or whatever later. Like, "Oh, hey, a reminder that we hung out and were close enough for some sort of positive physical contact of some manner." Fucking love it. And besides, she was still on his side of the table. Which actually ended up being a blessing in disguise apparently.
I was texting my future-sister-in-law Caitlin about how "fuck, Mike's here" and she told me that as she was closing out her tab at a bar she was at the song "Little Talks" popped on the radio, and how it was a sign. Because, you know, this thing and all that.
I ended up being first, which was sooner than being third. I was still a little drunk from Strangebrew and the surprise mix drink I had seconds before. But fuck it, I was up. I started off my set making fun of the song being written about years of pent up frustration over a pretty girl and broke out into How Do I?, and then I followed it up by introducing the next song as inspired by same pretty girl (You Only Live Once), and then finished my set completing the trifecta of songs about that pretty girl with the song I wrote for her shortly before she left for Guyana, West Wind Soul. I was backed up by a bassist and a drummer/harmonica player the entire set, which made it sound even more awesome because those guys can play along with anything. Heaping applause for my songs to complete the effect, even if my performance was sloppy because of my being a little drunk. My buddy Copeland was up next and I made a special request of him before heading back to my table.
I got back to the table and saw Kate still next to Mike but he didn't have his hands on her like the slam poetry night, which made things more bearable. She visibly seemed to have enjoyed my set, and expressed as such, which was awesome because she totally knew all those songs were about her even before tonight. Because I told her/she figured out How Do I?, I told her about YOLO, and West Wind Soul is just plain obvious. Then Copeland started playing Harvey Danger's "Flagpole Sitta'", which Kate and I rocked out to while Mike pretended to know the words and pretended to be into. And then came my request from Copeland... he started busting out "Wagon Wheel", a song Kate has recently been obsessed a little bit with. The look on her face while she sang along was... well, you know what it was for me. Mike afterward kept trying to get her attention, and she gave him a decent amount of it, but by that point she had her foot locked onto mine underneath the table, giving me quick glances and smiles while Mike bored her with this [sarcasm]awesome game on his incredible Samsung Galaxy S3.[/sarcasm] I asked her if she wanted to check out my new place. She said she'd like to, but probably only for a minute since she was getting tired.
It's weird, met this Mike guy 3 times, I feel like he's finally picked up on my feelings for Kate and now he's probably feeling that same rivalry feeling and that our handshakes are all courteous facades. Kate's not some prize to be won, she's a fiercely independent woman with thoughts and feelings and a mind of her own and I don't care if saying that makes me sound like a pussy because those are some of the biggest things that I love about her... but I also can't help but feel like Mike and I are getting rather competitive. Feels wrong yet natural. It's weird. All I know is from the moment I met him he seemed boring and bro'ish/dude'ish to me, and seriously Kate, you can do better than that. Though I guess I should be thankful, thinking about it. Maybe I'm the better that she'll do.
Eventually at some point around 10'ish we all decided to call it a night. I had a slight moment of panic, but I ended up being the one to walk her to her car. I don't know if it was out of convenience or out of preference, but I'm glad it ended up that way. On our way back to her car, I asked again if she wanted to check out my new digs, but she said she was tired so it'd have to be another time. I got to throw another 13 out of 10 compliment, and one last hug.
On my way home (I can say that now!) I texted her about how one thing I love about my drive home are how beautiful the city lights are. She agreed.
Nothing happened, and I still don't know where I stand with her. But I do know it's a good place, and I'm feeling better about us, and about me, where I'm at and where I'm going.
I ended up spending a lot of time with Kate yesterday. It was great. I felt like we were connecting a lot more, and I think she might be finally opening up to the possibility. We met up at Strangebrew after I got off work (she looked smashing in her little black outfit), ate popcorn, had a little more than enough to drink, and chatted about exciting things in our lives. We also played a game with an everchanging name that felt like a flag to me, the most common name variation being "Dealbreaker or Not". A lot of it was her asking if "terrible" traits or behaviors in a girl would be enough for me to call off a relationship. Some of them were ridiculous while others were definitely concerns she had about her own personality that made me feel as though she were trying to see if I would mind those things about her. We called this horrible imaginary woman Nancy. The topic of love came up and I compared it to a work of art, how love can evoke feelings but it's not a feeling itself; love is a construct that takes dedication and effort and work to make it good, to be proud of it and happy with it. She made a little joke about how she always gets bored in relationships, but told me that my thoughts on it were poetic. Further conversations dipped in and out of "Dealbreaker" and other general craziness and chitchat. God, she looked good.
8 o'clock rolled around and we headed to the Wild Rover for an open mic. She apparently invited her brother Chris, her friend Em, and... Mike. Chris and Em ended up not showing up, but naturally Mike did. Kate ended up sitting on his side and seemed to be dispensing attention as evenly as she could. Mike was flirting it up with her, and she a little with him, which felt all kinds of awful. However, his flirtations were more generic teasing, so I ended up trying a more personal and appealing route. I felt a little bad, because when guys do that I feel like they're treating the woman as a piece of meat rather than a person, but at the same time I feel the way I handled it probably lead things to where they ended up (spoiler alert: nothing actually happens and I don't know where I stand with her still). I ended up signing up at her behest and letting her make a request, which was naturally the song I wrote about her that she knows I wrote about her that she loves ("How Do I?"). His flirtations got a bit more physical, where he kept using this lady's hair that was "in the way of his view of the Bruins game" as an excuse to push his body against her into the wall. You know, juvenile generic teasing flirtations. Fucking grade school stuff. They eventually switched seats so that Kate could prove he could see fine, though I suspect it was largely because Kate was tired of him invading her personal space so roughly. She may fall for it unconsciously, but I'm pretty sure she hates stuff like that otherwise. It made me feel better though when they switched seats, though I suspect he was okay with her sitting in the same chair his Bruins jersey was on. Guys fucking love that, especially finding a few strands of hair on the jacket or jersey or whatever later. Like, "Oh, hey, a reminder that we hung out and were close enough for some sort of positive physical contact of some manner." Fucking love it. And besides, she was still on his side of the table. Which actually ended up being a blessing in disguise apparently.
I was texting my future-sister-in-law Caitlin about how "fuck, Mike's here" and she told me that as she was closing out her tab at a bar she was at the song "Little Talks" popped on the radio, and how it was a sign. Because, you know, this thing and all that.
I ended up being first, which was sooner than being third. I was still a little drunk from Strangebrew and the surprise mix drink I had seconds before. But fuck it, I was up. I started off my set making fun of the song being written about years of pent up frustration over a pretty girl and broke out into How Do I?, and then I followed it up by introducing the next song as inspired by same pretty girl (You Only Live Once), and then finished my set completing the trifecta of songs about that pretty girl with the song I wrote for her shortly before she left for Guyana, West Wind Soul. I was backed up by a bassist and a drummer/harmonica player the entire set, which made it sound even more awesome because those guys can play along with anything. Heaping applause for my songs to complete the effect, even if my performance was sloppy because of my being a little drunk. My buddy Copeland was up next and I made a special request of him before heading back to my table.
I got back to the table and saw Kate still next to Mike but he didn't have his hands on her like the slam poetry night, which made things more bearable. She visibly seemed to have enjoyed my set, and expressed as such, which was awesome because she totally knew all those songs were about her even before tonight. Because I told her/she figured out How Do I?, I told her about YOLO, and West Wind Soul is just plain obvious. Then Copeland started playing Harvey Danger's "Flagpole Sitta'", which Kate and I rocked out to while Mike pretended to know the words and pretended to be into. And then came my request from Copeland... he started busting out "Wagon Wheel", a song Kate has recently been obsessed a little bit with. The look on her face while she sang along was... well, you know what it was for me. Mike afterward kept trying to get her attention, and she gave him a decent amount of it, but by that point she had her foot locked onto mine underneath the table, giving me quick glances and smiles while Mike bored her with this [sarcasm]awesome game on his incredible Samsung Galaxy S3.[/sarcasm] I asked her if she wanted to check out my new place. She said she'd like to, but probably only for a minute since she was getting tired.
It's weird, met this Mike guy 3 times, I feel like he's finally picked up on my feelings for Kate and now he's probably feeling that same rivalry feeling and that our handshakes are all courteous facades. Kate's not some prize to be won, she's a fiercely independent woman with thoughts and feelings and a mind of her own and I don't care if saying that makes me sound like a pussy because those are some of the biggest things that I love about her... but I also can't help but feel like Mike and I are getting rather competitive. Feels wrong yet natural. It's weird. All I know is from the moment I met him he seemed boring and bro'ish/dude'ish to me, and seriously Kate, you can do better than that. Though I guess I should be thankful, thinking about it. Maybe I'm the better that she'll do.
Eventually at some point around 10'ish we all decided to call it a night. I had a slight moment of panic, but I ended up being the one to walk her to her car. I don't know if it was out of convenience or out of preference, but I'm glad it ended up that way. On our way back to her car, I asked again if she wanted to check out my new digs, but she said she was tired so it'd have to be another time. I got to throw another 13 out of 10 compliment, and one last hug.
On my way home (I can say that now!) I texted her about how one thing I love about my drive home are how beautiful the city lights are. She agreed.
Nothing happened, and I still don't know where I stand with her. But I do know it's a good place, and I'm feeling better about us, and about me, where I'm at and where I'm going.