So many questions in my head I can't think

[tessil]

Have you ever been through that? I'm sure you have. I have so many in my head. I want so badly to ask, but part of me is scared, and the other part is well...really scared. Do I really want the answers? Would my questions possibly affect the answers? Would they change something that shouldn't change? Maybe if I don't ask them, things that should change won't. Gah. I'm sorry I seem so ambiguous.

I'm scared it will possibly make me happy, but it would make someone else unhappy.

I'm scared that it will turn out to be something I don't want.

I'm scared that I will be something that's not wanted.

I'm scared I might be possibly getting my hopes up.

I'm scared of the waiting I might have to do.

I'm scared about how long I would have to wait.

I'm scared that I wouldn't be able to wait.

But most of all, I'm scared if the answer is no. Which goes along with the whole "getting my hopes up" thing.

*sigh*

Crap. I'm not even sure that I should keep this entry public or make it Friends Only. That's something I haven't done in a while.

Maybe I should just go with the flow and let life take me where it may. But those questions...someone give me a q-tip so I can stab my brain.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel