(no subject)
I'm stalling on a paper. I've realized that it keeps getting closer to the anniversary of Andy's death.. it kind of freaks me out. it's been almost 2 years. it's been exactly 2 years since Jamie came to me crying in study hall, and expressed that Andy was extremely ill this time... It's weird.. Like the fact that he's gone... It feels like not that long ago we were sitting in math class, talking about the most random of things, him and Tyson doing the harder math problems, because i was just lazy and didn't want to do it. :-) (but they thought that "ladies first" was the real reason i got the easier problems-creative winnings!) Andy was such a sweet boy, I mean, everyone that knew him just loved him.. He was quiet, a little on the shy side, kind hearted and loving. I remember I got into a fight with Kayla one day, and I was all upset, Jenna and I weren't speaking and everyone just seemed to be against me, and Andy looked at me in math, put his arm around my shoulder and then he said the nicest thing an 8th grade boy can say "Tessa, you're so beautiful, you don't need them ugly bitches" I laughed and told him i did, they were the only friends i had. He laughed and said that it's okay to see things differently from others, and that we'd all be friends again in less than a week, and i'd forget the conversation ever happened. :( he was wrong.. I never forgot his kind words. However he was right about me not needing "them bitches" in my life. And correct about how the fight would end. I sometimes wonder what he would of said today, knowing that I'm not friends with them anymore, and that I dont have them on my facebook page, or myspace. what would he think? would he be happy that i finally found some real friends? would we even still talk? I mean, our conversations kind of ended not long after we entered high school. Although he always knew i would be there for Jamie.. Would he be disappointed to know that Jamie and I don't speak much anymore.
anyways... Today we exchanged gifts with Matty! ;-) i made him a journal and wrote inside of it, and Shannon wrote in it as well. (it was from the two of us).. I also place a picture of us from my birthday into the front of it. It's one of my favorite pictures. He gave Shannon a stuffed monkey-just like the one in her head.. and he gave me a stuffed dog-one i don't have to worry about it biting me! we had this conversation on one of our walks about how I'm afraid of dogs because they always snap at me or bite me. He thought I was crazy, but hey, he listened... :-) We also gave them all cookies (Max, Ian, and Matty). I think that they liked them.
So besides my wicked awesome stuff dog i have barely let out of my arms, i got the coolest santa hat ever from steph! it's the coolest ever cause it says my name!!!!!! ;-) and i got christmas socks and a calendar from cassie. :-)
One of my friends yesterday asked me if Matt makes me feel beautiful, i believe because she wanted to tell me "he's not worth it" but its funny cause Matt did make me feel beautiful, like when we were at the dating stage.. He'd look at me and smile, and I'd ask what and he'd say something sweet like "you're pretty" and it made me happy to hear that from him.. or like when we were watching a show he played the "I've got your nose" game and i was like can i have my nose back, and he said no, and i was like "Fine i didn't like my nose anyways" and he was like "OH BUT YOUR NOSE IS BEAUTIFUL!" i laughed.. i was joking when i said i didn't like my nose.. he kept telling me the rest of the night how everything about me was perfect.. :-) so he did make me feel beautiful. he is worth it.. i mean, im not saying i want to marry him... I just want to be with him for a little while.. You know?
anyways... Today we exchanged gifts with Matty! ;-) i made him a journal and wrote inside of it, and Shannon wrote in it as well. (it was from the two of us).. I also place a picture of us from my birthday into the front of it. It's one of my favorite pictures. He gave Shannon a stuffed monkey-just like the one in her head.. and he gave me a stuffed dog-one i don't have to worry about it biting me! we had this conversation on one of our walks about how I'm afraid of dogs because they always snap at me or bite me. He thought I was crazy, but hey, he listened... :-) We also gave them all cookies (Max, Ian, and Matty). I think that they liked them.
So besides my wicked awesome stuff dog i have barely let out of my arms, i got the coolest santa hat ever from steph! it's the coolest ever cause it says my name!!!!!! ;-) and i got christmas socks and a calendar from cassie. :-)
One of my friends yesterday asked me if Matt makes me feel beautiful, i believe because she wanted to tell me "he's not worth it" but its funny cause Matt did make me feel beautiful, like when we were at the dating stage.. He'd look at me and smile, and I'd ask what and he'd say something sweet like "you're pretty" and it made me happy to hear that from him.. or like when we were watching a show he played the "I've got your nose" game and i was like can i have my nose back, and he said no, and i was like "Fine i didn't like my nose anyways" and he was like "OH BUT YOUR NOSE IS BEAUTIFUL!" i laughed.. i was joking when i said i didn't like my nose.. he kept telling me the rest of the night how everything about me was perfect.. :-) so he did make me feel beautiful. he is worth it.. i mean, im not saying i want to marry him... I just want to be with him for a little while.. You know?