Round #4
So I'm waiting again. Both Brian and Ian have reached their family limit and are no longer available for purchase. I have one vial of Ian left.
Over the course of this process, I have spent over $3500, gained 20lbs, and lost large amounts of my sanity. I know this isn't anywhere near what other women have gone through, but it still sucks. Each time I do this (according to research done by the Sperm Bank of CA) I have a 1/8 shot of it working.
Imagine the thing you want most in the world can be won in a contest. They tell you to roll an 8 sided die, and if you roll an 8, you win! You can do this as many times as you want. Great right? So you step up to roll... Oh, BTW, this roll costs you $600. You cringe, but hand over the money. Then you roll the die. Before you get to see results, they put it in a box and tell you they won't open it for 2 weeks! For two weeks you stare at the box and wonder if it could really be an 8. Then the 2 weeks finally go by, it's a 1. Not a winner. You're sad and disappointed, you had become so sure during that 2 weeks that it just HAD TO BE A WINNER. But you're resilient so you take a deep breath and get ready to go again. Oh wait, you can't go again already, you have to wait to roll again in 2 weeks. *sigh* That's kinda what it's like.
So I find myself (even while desperately hoping I don't need to worry about it) thinking about my next moves. I can pick another donor and just keep trucking along. I can pick another donor and do 2 inseminations a month (which costs twice as much but is not statistically twice as effective). I can go to the doctor and have fertility testing run (which will probably cost me somewhere between $600-$1k depending on the whims of my insurance). I can wait until the beginning of next year to put more money in my FSA to save me a ton of money on this process. Financially, it makes sense to wait until next year, put money in my FSA, have my testing done, and if all the numbers looks good, keep going with what I'm doing or add another insemination. But emotionally, I may go insane doing that. I really don't like any of these options, so I just need to be pregnant before the end of July. You hear that universe! Before the end of July!
Some mornings you just wake up and feel like whatever it is that you want will never ever happen for you. *sigh*
Over the course of this process, I have spent over $3500, gained 20lbs, and lost large amounts of my sanity. I know this isn't anywhere near what other women have gone through, but it still sucks. Each time I do this (according to research done by the Sperm Bank of CA) I have a 1/8 shot of it working.
Imagine the thing you want most in the world can be won in a contest. They tell you to roll an 8 sided die, and if you roll an 8, you win! You can do this as many times as you want. Great right? So you step up to roll... Oh, BTW, this roll costs you $600. You cringe, but hand over the money. Then you roll the die. Before you get to see results, they put it in a box and tell you they won't open it for 2 weeks! For two weeks you stare at the box and wonder if it could really be an 8. Then the 2 weeks finally go by, it's a 1. Not a winner. You're sad and disappointed, you had become so sure during that 2 weeks that it just HAD TO BE A WINNER. But you're resilient so you take a deep breath and get ready to go again. Oh wait, you can't go again already, you have to wait to roll again in 2 weeks. *sigh* That's kinda what it's like.
So I find myself (even while desperately hoping I don't need to worry about it) thinking about my next moves. I can pick another donor and just keep trucking along. I can pick another donor and do 2 inseminations a month (which costs twice as much but is not statistically twice as effective). I can go to the doctor and have fertility testing run (which will probably cost me somewhere between $600-$1k depending on the whims of my insurance). I can wait until the beginning of next year to put more money in my FSA to save me a ton of money on this process. Financially, it makes sense to wait until next year, put money in my FSA, have my testing done, and if all the numbers looks good, keep going with what I'm doing or add another insemination. But emotionally, I may go insane doing that. I really don't like any of these options, so I just need to be pregnant before the end of July. You hear that universe! Before the end of July!
Some mornings you just wake up and feel like whatever it is that you want will never ever happen for you. *sigh*