fun with near-death experiences
well, lots has happened since my last update, i have to say. it really sucks to type because my finger is still hurting from when i got stitches last friday when i cut my motherfucking finger open at work.
anyway, we left for florida on monday. we packed up the car with all our stuff and our dog and left. after we passed erwin, and were getting close to asheville, driving in the mountains, i stopped getting reception on our cell phone. des was driving. this was when the accelerator stuck. the car wouldn't stop, and since the accelerator stuck, the car just kept getting faster. uh, has anyone ever heard of this happening before? so we just tried to keep calm, and des kept hitting the accelerator, trying to get it to unstick, but it wouldn't work. so she rode the breaks as long as she could, which kept us at about fifty mph. luckily, there were only one or two cars on the road.
when we started coming down the mountain, the phone started picking up reception again. this was when the breaks gave up altogether. of course, the accelerator was still stuck and here we are, flying down the mountain onto a four-way highway with no breaks and a stuck accelerator. i called the police. the dispatcher was like, "look for a runaway truck ramp" and i was like, "we passed them all awhile ago." his advice? "ummm..." so there were cars in every lane in front of us. then the car hit 110mph, and then the needle went all the way over. i have no idea how fast we were actually going. so this asshole dispatcher is on the phone saying, "calm down calm down!" i'm so sorry, but i really don't think i'm going to calm down if i'm about to die and really need to know how to get out of this situation and your advice to me is, "ummm...". so we were going to hit these cars. so des started honking and honking and of course we had the emergency blinkers on but of course, people are fucking morons and no one moved or did anything. so she swerved around them to the left and into the median. then she crossed in front of them. this was when the car started skidding and spinning in circles across the highway. when we were spinning, and looking at all the on-coming traffic, i told the dispatcher to hold on and we both started screaming, and said our goodbyes. we landed in a grassy nole (for lack of a better word and because grassy nole is a great term) on the right side of the highway. neither of us had a scratch on us. but our car DID get set on fire. the brake fluid was leaking. so all these people who saw what happened pulled over so that they could fucking gawk at us and say absolutely moronic things like, "Hey, didn't you pass us back there with your emergency lights on?" and my personal favorite, "Hey, your car's on fire."
30 minutes later, the fire department came and put our fucking car out. the grass was on fire around it and everything. it was really great. really. luckily though, only the left fender on the car, the part that was already bashed in for our previous accident, was cooked. and the electrical box in the car and of course the brakes are fucking but the fire didn't do that much damage. it didn't touch the engine.
i called my dad and he really didn't care. i'm still trying to get him to help us get this fucking car fixed. we paid $130 to get the car towed back to johnson city. oh and after the tow truck picked us up, we saw that if we'd crashed like another fifty feet from where we crashed, we would have flown off the side of a mountain. woo.
des's family, after hearing about the accident, helped buy us bus tickets, as did april (thank you so much, april. we couldn't have left without you). so on motherfucking tuesday, we left for our 25 hour bus ride to florida. we're in miami now, at des's grandparents' house. my dad doesn't know we're here.
anyway, when i called my dad, he was like, "what the hell were you doing going 120mph in the first place?!" sometimes, i just get so mad. and he's decided that i'm too irresponsible to have a car, you know, since the brakes went out and the accelerator stuck and OBVIOUSLY THAT'S MY GODDAMNED FAULT GOD ...MOTHER...WHORE...COCK...TAPDANCINGADFHLKAWEJRKLEWJR!
SO HE WANTS TO BUY ME A MOPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
anyway, i am waiting for an exact estimate from joe, our mechanic, who has our car now. he was saying maybe $3500 for everything but the paint. my dad had told me he would help, but then he said he wouldn't, and then he said that if i could get a payment plan, he might help put a deposit down on it.
okay, MECHANICS DO NOT WORK ON MOTHERFUCKING PAYMENT PLANS. however, joe is willing to work with us, since he pities us. he says if we can pay him for the parts, he'll let us pay him later for the labor. i just hope my dad will help us a little. i am so stressed out.
anyway, we almost died, but we're still alive. i wrote a story about it entitled the following: "Rollin' Down the Highway Going 120mph with my Accelerator Stuck, the Brakes Busted and my Car on Fire, Sipping on Gin and Juice, Laid-back, with my Mind on my Money and my Money on my Imminent Death".
i'm so glad we're here. we had mad redneck party times last night. but i will write about them later because currently, i am hogging des's granddad's computer. i am still alive! HAAH!...knock on wood.
anyway, we left for florida on monday. we packed up the car with all our stuff and our dog and left. after we passed erwin, and were getting close to asheville, driving in the mountains, i stopped getting reception on our cell phone. des was driving. this was when the accelerator stuck. the car wouldn't stop, and since the accelerator stuck, the car just kept getting faster. uh, has anyone ever heard of this happening before? so we just tried to keep calm, and des kept hitting the accelerator, trying to get it to unstick, but it wouldn't work. so she rode the breaks as long as she could, which kept us at about fifty mph. luckily, there were only one or two cars on the road.
when we started coming down the mountain, the phone started picking up reception again. this was when the breaks gave up altogether. of course, the accelerator was still stuck and here we are, flying down the mountain onto a four-way highway with no breaks and a stuck accelerator. i called the police. the dispatcher was like, "look for a runaway truck ramp" and i was like, "we passed them all awhile ago." his advice? "ummm..." so there were cars in every lane in front of us. then the car hit 110mph, and then the needle went all the way over. i have no idea how fast we were actually going. so this asshole dispatcher is on the phone saying, "calm down calm down!" i'm so sorry, but i really don't think i'm going to calm down if i'm about to die and really need to know how to get out of this situation and your advice to me is, "ummm...". so we were going to hit these cars. so des started honking and honking and of course we had the emergency blinkers on but of course, people are fucking morons and no one moved or did anything. so she swerved around them to the left and into the median. then she crossed in front of them. this was when the car started skidding and spinning in circles across the highway. when we were spinning, and looking at all the on-coming traffic, i told the dispatcher to hold on and we both started screaming, and said our goodbyes. we landed in a grassy nole (for lack of a better word and because grassy nole is a great term) on the right side of the highway. neither of us had a scratch on us. but our car DID get set on fire. the brake fluid was leaking. so all these people who saw what happened pulled over so that they could fucking gawk at us and say absolutely moronic things like, "Hey, didn't you pass us back there with your emergency lights on?" and my personal favorite, "Hey, your car's on fire."
30 minutes later, the fire department came and put our fucking car out. the grass was on fire around it and everything. it was really great. really. luckily though, only the left fender on the car, the part that was already bashed in for our previous accident, was cooked. and the electrical box in the car and of course the brakes are fucking but the fire didn't do that much damage. it didn't touch the engine.
i called my dad and he really didn't care. i'm still trying to get him to help us get this fucking car fixed. we paid $130 to get the car towed back to johnson city. oh and after the tow truck picked us up, we saw that if we'd crashed like another fifty feet from where we crashed, we would have flown off the side of a mountain. woo.
des's family, after hearing about the accident, helped buy us bus tickets, as did april (thank you so much, april. we couldn't have left without you). so on motherfucking tuesday, we left for our 25 hour bus ride to florida. we're in miami now, at des's grandparents' house. my dad doesn't know we're here.
anyway, when i called my dad, he was like, "what the hell were you doing going 120mph in the first place?!" sometimes, i just get so mad. and he's decided that i'm too irresponsible to have a car, you know, since the brakes went out and the accelerator stuck and OBVIOUSLY THAT'S MY GODDAMNED FAULT GOD ...MOTHER...WHORE...COCK...TAPDANCINGADFHLKAWEJRKLEWJR!
SO HE WANTS TO BUY ME A MOPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
anyway, i am waiting for an exact estimate from joe, our mechanic, who has our car now. he was saying maybe $3500 for everything but the paint. my dad had told me he would help, but then he said he wouldn't, and then he said that if i could get a payment plan, he might help put a deposit down on it.
okay, MECHANICS DO NOT WORK ON MOTHERFUCKING PAYMENT PLANS. however, joe is willing to work with us, since he pities us. he says if we can pay him for the parts, he'll let us pay him later for the labor. i just hope my dad will help us a little. i am so stressed out.
anyway, we almost died, but we're still alive. i wrote a story about it entitled the following: "Rollin' Down the Highway Going 120mph with my Accelerator Stuck, the Brakes Busted and my Car on Fire, Sipping on Gin and Juice, Laid-back, with my Mind on my Money and my Money on my Imminent Death".
i'm so glad we're here. we had mad redneck party times last night. but i will write about them later because currently, i am hogging des's granddad's computer. i am still alive! HAAH!...knock on wood.