~ oh, i make me LAUGH!! ~
Roommate Needed- no homophobes, no giraffes, conjoined twins welcome.
Reply to: hous-537290807@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-12, 6:53PM
Fairly cheap room in shared basement suite near MacDonald and 16th. Available Feb 1. Rent is $385/month, plus 1/3 of the gas, electricity and wireless internet bills. We are students, and therefore we are broke, and therefore we walk around with the lights off to save $. If the thermostat was under our control, we’d walk around bundled up in the dark to save money, but the heating follows its own whims, alternating blasts of heat with periods of extreme cold. It makes life just that much more exciting.
The room comes with laundry privileges (which we’ll return to in a jiffy), a full, but painfully small kitchen, and access to the yard. Oh, and two delightful roommates, three if you count the small fuzzy critter that lives happily in his cage in my bedroom. Four, if you count whatever ghostly being or spirit lives in our haunted laundry room. (Evidence of this haunting is 1. that socks disappear at an abnormal rate and 2. the creepy feeling I get when I’m in there doing my laundry in the dark. See above for explanation of said darkness.)
The available room is small to medium sized, although somewhat awkwardly laid out, and will be unfurnished with the notable exception of a bizarre wire mesh shelving unit bolted into the interior of the closet. A single bed will fit nicely with space for a desk and shelves - don’t try to bring in a queen sized one, though, or you may find yourself unable to operate the door. Suite is very near bus routes to UBC and to downtown. Landlord is diligent and responsible, but unfamiliar with small nuances of customary politeness, such as saying goodbye before hanging up the telephone, and… how shall I put this… not insulting his tenants, their choices of décor, lifestyles, and manner of dress. It’s all good though, I’m the one with her name on the lease. (Eep!)
Ceilings are slightly low in places, but I’m 5’ 10” and don’t feel inclined to duck. Could be a problem if you are a giraffe, are dating a giraffe who will be spending the occasional romantic evening, or will be bringing your pet giraffe with you. However, if any of these are the case, may I suggest you look for something closer to the zoo? I understand that Aldergrove is quite pleasant, and there is more space for the giraffe in question to stretch his or her legs. More foliage also.
As for cleanliness, we are untidy at best, slovenly on average and filthy and embarrassing at worst. I would say that we have good intentions regarding keeping our space clean, but that would be a lie.
I’ve posted on craigslist for roommates once before, and among some lovely responses, there were several that would have been a waste of my time, if not for the fact that I found them humorous. However, time is of the essence, so here are a few things to make this easier for all of us.
We seek one (1) and only one person to join us in our humble home. Preferably a UBC student. Preferably female, and preferably approximately our age, though not necessarily. The two of us already living here are both female.
Nobody with a child/children. Not even if they just visit you on the weekends. I love kids, and I love babies, but my roommate and I are students in our early twenties and do not have children of our own because we do not want them just now. Me and my ovaries weep at the thought of having to live with kids that aren’t mine. I’m sorry, but no. Especially no if you offer me the chance to make extra money for my babysitting services. Double no, triple no, if you stipulate that my home will have to be silent after 8:30 pm. Absolutely no.
No couples. I’m sorry, I am sure you’re both super, but no.
[Please note: the only way that more than one person is going to move into our third bedroom is if those persons are literally attached. In this spirit, I should make it clear that conjoined twins would be welcomed whole-heartedly.]
No homophobes. I’m not sorry about this, and I certainly don’t think you’re super, so no.
No germphobes - for your benefit as much as ours. See discussion on cleanliness above. Yes, it’s rather an exaggeration, but last time I got a rather long e-mail from someone who was extremely concerned about the possibility of dust entering the apartment. I bet he was a really swell guy, but sometimes we are messy, and if that’s something that haunts both your dreams and your waking thoughts, you would have a nervous breakdown in our place, and if you nagged us, we would not be happy campers. So no.
No one that cannot speak or otherwise communicate with me in a language that I can understand. I have immense respect for people of all colours and creeds, but I don’t read Korean, or actually any other languages than English (and some rather basic French), so the e-mail that some poor soul sent me last time went unread and un-responded to. The inability to read any characters other than those employed by the English language is a shortcoming on my part, and I’m very sorry. But I do feel the need to be able to connect with the people I live with even on the most elementary level, so no.
You’ll also need to provide a $200 damage deposit, which will, of course, be returned to you provided you keep the room in good shape, which I am sure you will. If I had an extra $200 lying around to cover it for you, I wouldn’t be living in a messy three person basement suite with schizophrenic heating, low ceilings, a tiny kitchen, and a potentially haunted laundry room, now would I?
Sense of humour strongly recommended.
Location: Kits-ish
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Original URL: http://vancouver.craigslist.org/roo/537290807.html