~ my beautiful Humbug died today ~
And my heart is absolutely broken. 
He was back at the vet to have his mouth re-checked and to have an x-ray to see if any cancer was visible or if the mass in his cheek was just an infection from the tooth he had taken out last week.
He was anesthetised for the exam and his little body just shut down.
The vet x-rayed him anyway, and his jawbone was full of cancer, and so were his tiny little lungs.
I am glad that it happened while he was asleep, and that it didn't hurt him, and that he wasn't scared.
I am glad that I didn't have to make a decision about when to put him down.
I would not have allowed him to suffer, but I am so grateful I didn't have to make that choice.
I know that it was a good way for him to go.
But....
it's not fucking fair.
He was still so young, and he was so happy these last few days.
He didn't seem to be hurting at all, and he was letting me give him his antibiotics with no problems.
He was loving his new wet food - and was especially enjoying wearing it, hehe.
He was loving being close to me and snuggling up and sleeping in my hand.
Right now, all I want is to hold him and snuggle him and pet his soft little nose.
His cage is empty, and I can't bring myself to move it.
I want him back.
He was back at the vet to have his mouth re-checked and to have an x-ray to see if any cancer was visible or if the mass in his cheek was just an infection from the tooth he had taken out last week.
He was anesthetised for the exam and his little body just shut down.
The vet x-rayed him anyway, and his jawbone was full of cancer, and so were his tiny little lungs.
I am glad that it happened while he was asleep, and that it didn't hurt him, and that he wasn't scared.
I am glad that I didn't have to make a decision about when to put him down.
I would not have allowed him to suffer, but I am so grateful I didn't have to make that choice.
I know that it was a good way for him to go.
But....
it's not fucking fair.
He was still so young, and he was so happy these last few days.
He didn't seem to be hurting at all, and he was letting me give him his antibiotics with no problems.
He was loving his new wet food - and was especially enjoying wearing it, hehe.
He was loving being close to me and snuggling up and sleeping in my hand.
Right now, all I want is to hold him and snuggle him and pet his soft little nose.
His cage is empty, and I can't bring myself to move it.
I want him back.