The ache
I don't know how many people have a passion. I don't even know if passion is the same thing for every person. But anyone who's met me, knows that i feel that i have a passion for a computer game. In the cyber universe, the most elite of all the sports to be found, is my obsession: Starcraft. I've been away from Starcraft for 8 days. This in itself is not a long time, only 8 days, but i have to truly divulge, they were a long 8 days.
I'm visiting my ma in Vancouver. This consists of her bedroom (which she shares during my visit), a computer too slow to recieve information as fast as the modem brings it in, and a TV. Since i dislike the majority of TV, and family can only provide so much conversation in 8 days time, i've spent the remainder of my time eating, sleeping, and scraping for every bit of news the Starcraft community has to offer.
It gnaws at me. I can't truly satisfy my craving. I can see starcraft, but i cannot play it. I can talk starcraft, but i cannot play it. I can theorize on starcraft, but lo and behold, i cannot play it. It is insanity.
My mind starves for anything that can catch my intrest, but nothing seems to rival my intellect as starcraft does. And my mind is outraged.
So i sit here, 4 to 5 hours away from satisfying that hunger, and i ache. I don't ache to see my roommate/best friend, Chris - though it would be nice to see him. I don't ache to see my boyfriend, though once i see him, i will recognize in epiphany how much i've missed him. I don't ache to be surrounded by the comfort of sleeping in my own blankets, bed, and pillows, though tonights sleep WILL be the best i've had in a very long time. These things do not make me ache because they do not challenge me. I love these things, but my mind isn't pressed by them. My heart cries out in satisfaction at their presence, but my mind? My mind is what aches, and that is what i wish to satisfy. More intense than any drug, more complex than any mathematical equation, and more fun than any entertainment could ever provide, is Real Time Strategy. And i've only been able to see it. To taste it. To talk it. But not experience it.
So maybe you knew all of this all ready. You knew that im obssessed about starcraft. You knew and know that i need to grow up, and that perhaps one day, only with a lot of luck and a lot more of prayer, i will. And know now that what i feel cannot be explained by something as trivial as an obsession, for my perception is far beyond that, a passion, and more, an unequaled ache.
I'm visiting my ma in Vancouver. This consists of her bedroom (which she shares during my visit), a computer too slow to recieve information as fast as the modem brings it in, and a TV. Since i dislike the majority of TV, and family can only provide so much conversation in 8 days time, i've spent the remainder of my time eating, sleeping, and scraping for every bit of news the Starcraft community has to offer.
It gnaws at me. I can't truly satisfy my craving. I can see starcraft, but i cannot play it. I can talk starcraft, but i cannot play it. I can theorize on starcraft, but lo and behold, i cannot play it. It is insanity.
My mind starves for anything that can catch my intrest, but nothing seems to rival my intellect as starcraft does. And my mind is outraged.
So i sit here, 4 to 5 hours away from satisfying that hunger, and i ache. I don't ache to see my roommate/best friend, Chris - though it would be nice to see him. I don't ache to see my boyfriend, though once i see him, i will recognize in epiphany how much i've missed him. I don't ache to be surrounded by the comfort of sleeping in my own blankets, bed, and pillows, though tonights sleep WILL be the best i've had in a very long time. These things do not make me ache because they do not challenge me. I love these things, but my mind isn't pressed by them. My heart cries out in satisfaction at their presence, but my mind? My mind is what aches, and that is what i wish to satisfy. More intense than any drug, more complex than any mathematical equation, and more fun than any entertainment could ever provide, is Real Time Strategy. And i've only been able to see it. To taste it. To talk it. But not experience it.
So maybe you knew all of this all ready. You knew that im obssessed about starcraft. You knew and know that i need to grow up, and that perhaps one day, only with a lot of luck and a lot more of prayer, i will. And know now that what i feel cannot be explained by something as trivial as an obsession, for my perception is far beyond that, a passion, and more, an unequaled ache.