we gettin loose in this mother fucka light the roof on fire fire fire
i used to care.
about everything.
about everyone.
i tried really hard..i talked to people..all the time..
if i had a problem..i confronted people. i gossiped.
i overdramatized.
i manipulated people and situations.
i wanted to know everything i wanted to be in power.
i dont know what happened this year..but it all changed.
i dont care anymore..not tha ti dont care..but its as if my body
won't let me concern myself.
there are very few people that i care to put effort it to have any sort
of relationship with..any sort of deep connection..
im so much more into just having fun..
its bad not caring so much going to college..
being that there are more risks..
but for some reason right now that doesnt bother me.
last night is a perfect example -- mike was visibly distraught over something or another
he mentioned that he wanted to talk and i said sure..but then went swimming..
and when i had the chance to go and be a part of the coversation..to put my input in..
i ate instead.
by myself.
in a corner.
in heaven.
i dont know whats happened to me..i wish i did.
i want everyone to be happy..and ill still ask people if everything is alright -- and if not if there is anything i can do..but i really would only go the extra mile for few people
i guess ive gotten fucked over one too many times and gave up..maybe its my hearts way of protecting me..
who knows i guess..
the only person who killed my spirit..but i love more than anything is karin.. and thats because i honestly believe we have a different relationship..i really do think we were meant to be friends..and everything was a test..and maybe thats ridiculous but we went through hell and we made it..
other people that were put to the test just abandoned me and it was done..
there are other people in my life right now..close friends you could call them..but i guess to me
right now i just need..laughing..
ive been okay lately..
more ok then ive been in a long time..
just living my life..doing things for me..and maybe that is selfish
but for the first time it feels emotionally healthy.
physically healthy is completely different but thats another story for another time..
and obviously this was legit considering it took me six minutes to pound it all out.
i think ive got a lot on my head..but i dont even want to sort through it..i barely want to write it out..or talk about it..
i just want to keep going..keep lviing..not miss a moment i guess..
huh.
well thats enough of my deep thoughts for one night..until another time..
about everything.
about everyone.
i tried really hard..i talked to people..all the time..
if i had a problem..i confronted people. i gossiped.
i overdramatized.
i manipulated people and situations.
i wanted to know everything i wanted to be in power.
i dont know what happened this year..but it all changed.
i dont care anymore..not tha ti dont care..but its as if my body
won't let me concern myself.
there are very few people that i care to put effort it to have any sort
of relationship with..any sort of deep connection..
im so much more into just having fun..
its bad not caring so much going to college..
being that there are more risks..
but for some reason right now that doesnt bother me.
last night is a perfect example -- mike was visibly distraught over something or another
he mentioned that he wanted to talk and i said sure..but then went swimming..
and when i had the chance to go and be a part of the coversation..to put my input in..
i ate instead.
by myself.
in a corner.
in heaven.
i dont know whats happened to me..i wish i did.
i want everyone to be happy..and ill still ask people if everything is alright -- and if not if there is anything i can do..but i really would only go the extra mile for few people
i guess ive gotten fucked over one too many times and gave up..maybe its my hearts way of protecting me..
who knows i guess..
the only person who killed my spirit..but i love more than anything is karin.. and thats because i honestly believe we have a different relationship..i really do think we were meant to be friends..and everything was a test..and maybe thats ridiculous but we went through hell and we made it..
other people that were put to the test just abandoned me and it was done..
there are other people in my life right now..close friends you could call them..but i guess to me
right now i just need..laughing..
ive been okay lately..
more ok then ive been in a long time..
just living my life..doing things for me..and maybe that is selfish
but for the first time it feels emotionally healthy.
physically healthy is completely different but thats another story for another time..
and obviously this was legit considering it took me six minutes to pound it all out.
i think ive got a lot on my head..but i dont even want to sort through it..i barely want to write it out..or talk about it..
i just want to keep going..keep lviing..not miss a moment i guess..
huh.
well thats enough of my deep thoughts for one night..until another time..