blah, blah, vampire emergency, blah
What makes me happy of late? Laying in bed watching True Blood, Hung, Huge, White Collar, Burn Notice, The Big C, Weeds and whatever movies arrive in my mailbox via netflix. And it doesn't really make me happy, it's just the only thing I feel motivated to do.
I don't need friends to tell me what a wonderful person I am, because I won't believe them anyway. I am not the person you are referring to. I have not been that person in quite a while. I am not a person that I like much at all anymore.
How is that possible? To lose yourself so that you have no idea how to get back to the person you were? I don't want to get out of bed. I force myself to tackle the things I have to do. I took my cats to the vet this weekend and sorted out our laundry room. The cats took up an hour Saturday morning and the laundry room took 2 hours (off and on) sometime Sunday afternoon. The rest of my weekend was spent either in bed or on the couch, watching tv and drinking. Bloody Mary's, pina coladas, screwdrivers, etc. along with a smoke here and a smoke there.
I need help and I can't afford it. I've called my EAP. All of the therapists I've been referred to are not taking new clients. I refuse to go back to the OSU clinic that started me on this path to fuckedupness two years ago. So now what?
I am growing larger by the day with no end in sight. As a matter of fact, my pants are so tight today that I feel like my legs are encased in sausage tubes and I am wearing a shirt and a sweater that cover up my hip/stomach/ass area as best as possible.
My son spent most of yesterday posting about ending it all on his Facebook, which prompted our mutual friends to call/text/message me to check on him.
I'm tired folks. All I really want to do is sleep and watch tv. I suck.
I don't need friends to tell me what a wonderful person I am, because I won't believe them anyway. I am not the person you are referring to. I have not been that person in quite a while. I am not a person that I like much at all anymore.
How is that possible? To lose yourself so that you have no idea how to get back to the person you were? I don't want to get out of bed. I force myself to tackle the things I have to do. I took my cats to the vet this weekend and sorted out our laundry room. The cats took up an hour Saturday morning and the laundry room took 2 hours (off and on) sometime Sunday afternoon. The rest of my weekend was spent either in bed or on the couch, watching tv and drinking. Bloody Mary's, pina coladas, screwdrivers, etc. along with a smoke here and a smoke there.
I need help and I can't afford it. I've called my EAP. All of the therapists I've been referred to are not taking new clients. I refuse to go back to the OSU clinic that started me on this path to fuckedupness two years ago. So now what?
I am growing larger by the day with no end in sight. As a matter of fact, my pants are so tight today that I feel like my legs are encased in sausage tubes and I am wearing a shirt and a sweater that cover up my hip/stomach/ass area as best as possible.
My son spent most of yesterday posting about ending it all on his Facebook, which prompted our mutual friends to call/text/message me to check on him.
I'm tired folks. All I really want to do is sleep and watch tv. I suck.