He's Better Off Without Me.
My best friend ever! called me last weekend and said he had to "disappear for a while" cause he still liked me and just couldn't handle it right now. I don't know I guess maybe I expected him to like... go into hermit mode. Hide from people. Maybe even act a little depressed. But it seems like him being away from me is better for him. And I hate it. He's happy. He's moving on. He got his ear pierced for god's sake. And I'm miserable. I need him. I feel like I can't do this without him. I feel like everyone has left me. My life is falling apart and he leaves me when I need him most. It's not fair. He should be upset... ya know? I'm dying over here. And he's totally okay. I may not have romantic feelings for him, but that doesn't mean I don't need him in my life. He's what keeps me sane. I tell him everything. I rely on him for so much... and now I have nothing to rely on. He was my only real friend. He was the only one I could call at any time about anything. He's the one I could chat with about rock music. He's the one I could call really late at night when something bad happened. He's the one I knew I could count on. But now... He's not there. And I'm not sure if i can do it without him. My parents don't care about me. They're too busy being mad at one another and getting back at one another to really listen or care about me. Matty was the only other one who could do that for me. He was the only other one who I felt cared. He's the only one I trust enough to call. Cause there are lots of people who care or who would listen. But matty knows it all. He's knows! I don't have to explain anything to him. He's just listens. And he calms me down when I'm upset. I'm really having a hard time. Really hard. And I want so bad to tell him to just get over it. Cause I need him. I don't have anyone else. I think maybe he doesn't know. I don't think he really understands how much I need him. How much I care about him. How much I can't be without him. Ya its not romantically. But so what? Isn't my friendship good enough? Isn't just being there for him in a friend way good enough? It is for me... I feel like I've lost a part of me. I've never trusted someone so much in my life. I've never cared for someone so much in my life. It's a weird feeling. It's not like... romantic or anything. Cause it's really not. But there is a crazy part of me that knows I can't live without him. Is this what happens when you find your best friend? Cause I think maybe I've forgotten. I haven't had a best friend since 8th grade. But even then. I've never had a friend that I've needed or cared about so much. I'mnotsureicandothiswithoutthim.howdoimoveonordothisonmyown?shouldileavehimalone?shoulditellhimthatineedhim?shouldibegandplead? WHAT DO I DO??