so things are really weird.
ugh. where to begin.
so the last week of my life has been jam packed full of weirdness and crazy random things.
not all bad. but maybe not all good.
first of all. she is a drinker. she has been drinking. its weird. i dont like it. i mean. i drink. but you know, she is/was die hard straightedge. like xxx. i mean god. and she is falling apart. also, she and i have started hanging out again, and its like, she told me she was in love with me. and that it had never ended. she told me that she didnt mean all the bad things she said about me and did. and that any other girl she had was just a replacement for me.
i dont know what to think about that. i dont know whether or not i beleive it. i dont want to be hurt. i dont want to go back into the hell that we use to have. but i cant lie and say that everytime im sad i want to be held by her.
and then there is him. i dont know whats going on with that either. i think he is happy because we havent been spending all our time together latelty. but that doesnt fix all the little problems that were in our relationship. or maybe it does. i dont know. i dont know. i dont know. I know that if things could work out with him i would want them too. i love him. he is my friend. he will be forever. i dont want to lose him.
however, i dont know what to do. i love them both. and i dont feel like im choosing one or the other really, but choosing how to not be with eaither or them. i think i need to be alone fo ra whiel. and it sucks because i care about both these people and have to risk losing them.
blah.
in the meanwhile...
it has been party mania. i havent stopped partying since thursday which means bad.
im bad. but its ok. im having fun.
tonight is black out bar.
friday is mine and my roommates cocktail party. everyone come.
last night was also weird. i eneded up hangingin out with matt. (ex something weird. aaah. heartbreak and sex and weirdness) along with tim(current just broken up with not sure whats gong on boy), jess, laura, and christina and craig. it was so weird. like good old times of fun but still weird and diffrernt due to addition of tim and laura and jess there. no tot mention matts sleeping girlfriend downstairs.
anyway we went out on the roof and had some beers and some chips and chilled uot. it was nice.
the night before that it was weird as well. pot, beer, and matt mara.
we went to some show and then an after party. it was a keg. i called jess. laura and matt and mike b and i went. mike b stood in the corner not drinking. matt and i smoked a joint, then i bowl, then had pot brownies.
i was puking all day yesterday. sigh.
but its ok now.
anyway. im goin now. \
sdkjlashfrqworuqwoperuqw.,mv.zxnv.n.bxn.
so the last week of my life has been jam packed full of weirdness and crazy random things.
not all bad. but maybe not all good.
first of all. she is a drinker. she has been drinking. its weird. i dont like it. i mean. i drink. but you know, she is/was die hard straightedge. like xxx. i mean god. and she is falling apart. also, she and i have started hanging out again, and its like, she told me she was in love with me. and that it had never ended. she told me that she didnt mean all the bad things she said about me and did. and that any other girl she had was just a replacement for me.
i dont know what to think about that. i dont know whether or not i beleive it. i dont want to be hurt. i dont want to go back into the hell that we use to have. but i cant lie and say that everytime im sad i want to be held by her.
and then there is him. i dont know whats going on with that either. i think he is happy because we havent been spending all our time together latelty. but that doesnt fix all the little problems that were in our relationship. or maybe it does. i dont know. i dont know. i dont know. I know that if things could work out with him i would want them too. i love him. he is my friend. he will be forever. i dont want to lose him.
however, i dont know what to do. i love them both. and i dont feel like im choosing one or the other really, but choosing how to not be with eaither or them. i think i need to be alone fo ra whiel. and it sucks because i care about both these people and have to risk losing them.
blah.
in the meanwhile...
it has been party mania. i havent stopped partying since thursday which means bad.
im bad. but its ok. im having fun.
tonight is black out bar.
friday is mine and my roommates cocktail party. everyone come.
last night was also weird. i eneded up hangingin out with matt. (ex something weird. aaah. heartbreak and sex and weirdness) along with tim(current just broken up with not sure whats gong on boy), jess, laura, and christina and craig. it was so weird. like good old times of fun but still weird and diffrernt due to addition of tim and laura and jess there. no tot mention matts sleeping girlfriend downstairs.
anyway we went out on the roof and had some beers and some chips and chilled uot. it was nice.
the night before that it was weird as well. pot, beer, and matt mara.
we went to some show and then an after party. it was a keg. i called jess. laura and matt and mike b and i went. mike b stood in the corner not drinking. matt and i smoked a joint, then i bowl, then had pot brownies.
i was puking all day yesterday. sigh.
but its ok now.
anyway. im goin now. \
sdkjlashfrqworuqwoperuqw.,mv.zxnv.n.bxn.