Living in a Dream (of sorts)
living in a dream (of sorts)
cnblue/snsd - yonghwa/seohyun - g
2505w~
familiar memories and repeated realities.
inspired by the gogumafics yongseo 1000 day challenge.
His hands are fidgeting and she can hear him suppressing giggles with his back turned towards her. The rest of them are occasionally glancing at this one guy, and that is how Seohyun knows it is him. Yonghwa, Jung Yonghwa, this quirky leader of a four-member band that has outlived the expectations of that of any band. She swallows and places a blanket over his shoulders and hopes her instincts don't fail on her when she needs them.
He almost squeals when he feels the cloth and she resists a smile. He's quite adorable.
"Who are you?"
He smiles at her and a name flashes in her head once before disappearing. Yonghwa. "Yonghwa?" she says, and his smile widens. "Who is that? Who are you?"
The stranger in front of her does not say anything and Seohyun doesn't know why, but suddenly her heart is hurting. He is so familiar but she can't remember having ever seen his face. It aches, and she runs through her memories, trying to pick out one that has this man, this Yonghwa that has suddenly appeared in her dreams.
"Once upon a time, we were in love," he suddenly says.
"He thinks I'm a total weirdo," Seohyun tells Hyoyeon over sweet potatoes and milk shakes. "Probably a neat freak or one of those typical, OCD Asian girls. Can I file for a divorce?" Hyoyeon snorts and liquid goes flying everywhere. It is kind of disgusting, and she whines. "Unnie, I'm serious!"
"You can't file a divorce for a virtual marriage," Hyoyeon replies, and Seohyun sighs. You won't know if you don't try she wants to say, but decides against it when Tiffany enters the kitchen with a platter of fruit.
"What were we talking about?"
Hyoyeon looks at Seohyun and winks before turning back to Tiffany and answering, "Maknae's boy problems."
"They aren't boy problems!"
Tiffany's eyes widen and Hyoyeon is giggling and she can feel her face heating up in Hyoyeon's lies and embarrassment. "God, I hate being married," she mumbles. The sweet potatoes in front of her seem to be eyeing her down, and there is this sudden memory of goguma counting and her revelation of embarrassment. "I hate sweet potatoes too," she adds, before pushing them away and deciding if she can really get this divorce thing going.
His hand is warm and soft and everything she remembers his hand feeling. She doesn't ever remember holding his hand, though, this Yonghwa, but the feeling exists and her heart is not hurting anymore. "I don't understand," she says, and he grins the toothy grin he has been giving her all day (night? she can't tell what time it is either) they have been together as she repeatedly displays her utter confusion. "We were... What? I don't even know who you are."
"But I am a familiar memory," he tells her, and she nods. "We were in love, Yonghwa and Seohyun," i never told you my name - but you never told me yours, "secretly but displayed for the world to see."
"I... That doesn't make any sense. If it was secretly, then how was it...?"
Yonghwa shrugs. "It was just like that. You liked me and I liked you and we didn't tell anyone. We were just virtually married and in love. It is an idol's nightmare and a lover's heaven. It was all in one, and it was beautiful."
Seohyun thinks she might be growing on him. Minhyuk catches her backstage of Music Bank one day and tells her Yonghwa doesn't leave the book she gave him alone at any time. It makes her heart pound a little bit and she thinks her cheeks might be turning red, but that could be because of performance anxiety and the norm.
"I heard you liked the book I recommended?" she says over dishes one night, and Yonghwa snickers.
"Who told you that?" She looks at him with this twinkling glare in her eyes and he laughs. "Stop that, you're freaking me out!"
"I'm not doing anything!"
Yonghwa is still laughing and she pouts, turning back to the pan in her hands that is incessant in its attachment to oily vegetables. Yonghwa bumps her with his hip and she turns over to glare at him, but suddenly he looks really cute holding a hot fry pan and screaming in pain when he could just let it go, and Seohyun laughs too.
Maybe her intelligence isn't rubbing off, but at least his humor is.
The flowers smell beautiful wherever they are. It proposes a question, and Seohyun turns to Yonghwa. His hand is still holding hers and she has no desire to let go. "Where are we?"
He shrugs. "Beats me."
"You don't seem to know a lot about this place."
"I'm just like you when it comes to this."
Seohyun looks at him accusingly. "Then how come you remember all this stuff about me and you when all I can remember is your name?" Yonghwa smiles and then a breeze comes over the whole garden scenery. His hair is blowing towards his face as he looks at her, straight and long and fringe framing the defined lines of his face, and he looks beautiful. Nothing out of the ordinary, just his own beauty shining in the rest of it all.
"Maybe I wanted to remember," he whispers, and she can't remember the wind drowning out their voices anymore, "because sometimes, it was all I had." Seohyun swallows. "You were all I had sometimes, Seohyun."
She would return the statement, but Seohyun still doesn't remember Yonghwa. She doesn't know whether it is because she can't or because she doesn't want to.
When they first hold hands, she thinks she might explode of all sorts of embarrassments. They are both sweaty and unnaturally hot and the mosquitoes are in no mood to leave them be, but he grabs her hand anyways, like it is the soft springtime when the flowers are blooming and so is the love.
She can hear the squeals from her members in her head as she is on her way home and she decides they can make a pit stop to the convenience store before she has to deal with that.
"Do you know where they keep the fruit?" and Yonghwa looks at her strangely. "What?"
"They don't sell fruit at convenience stores, Seohyun." He keeps staring at her and then breaks out into this dorky smile, shaking his head and pulling her inside even though she can't think of anything she wants anymore. "Have you ever had ramen, Seohyun-sshi?" and Seohyun can hear the sarcasm dripping from his sentence.
"No, I haven't," she retorts similarly, and his grin only widens.
"Well, then, maybe we should change that."
He grabs the first packet his hands land on - that isn't even the good kind, she almost says - and he nods at the cashier, who rings it up naturally and motions them to the water heater.
They eat their ramen noodles in the back of a convenience shop when Seohyun should be home and Yonghwa should be disciplining awkward band members, but instead they go through chatting over unhealthy midnight snacks (and yonghwa's hand holding seohyun's under the table, secretly and subtly and oh-so perfectly).
Seohyun's hand fidgets in Yonghwa's. She sighs, and he turns over to look at her with a curious expression. "What are you thinking about?" he says, and she shrugs.
"I don't know. I can't tell if I'm dreaming or just... Dead." Yonghwa snorts and it is familiar for no definite reason. This remembrance issue is becoming really bothersome, when she thinks about. "Should I remember you?" she suddenly asks. "How do I know this isn't all just some made up fantasy in my head, of a guy I dreamed up and a story that he just happened to tell?"
Yonghwa tightens his grip on her hand. Seohyun feels limp in his hold. "You can think that is that it is, if you'd like too."
"That isn't what you're supposed to say!" she whines, and his eyes grow in this surprised manner. "You're supposed to tell me why it is real!"
Yonghwa shrugs, and she sighs again. "I don't know how to explain that to you." He lets go of her hand and stands up, stepping over so he is in front of her and she is glancing up at him through the sunlight. It sure is bright, wherever they are. "Tell me what you're feeling."
"Confused?"
He nods, and then pauses, and then nods again. "Okay. Okay, I can do that."
"Do what?"
"Ssh, let me think." Seohyun smiles at his concentration. She remembers him being focused, determined on the things he so loved, but Seohyun doesn't know what he loves or who he is or what any of this really means.
"We are," he begins, "we are not a couple. We are strangers." She nods. "But we are in love." Seohyun doesn't respond, because she does not know the answer to his statement. "I know we are in love because my heart is beating very fast when I am around you, and you are the thoughts that fill my head and the person that I want to please, and you are perfect, and I know you even though you do not know me, and I do not mind that you do not know because I know, and that is enough to relive this fantasy." Yonghwa looks at her straight, then. "I don't know if that is love to you, but that is love to me, and I don't think this is just a future. I think this is just dream, of which both of us are reliving and apparently I just have to lead us through it."
Seohyun's heart has stopped. "Does that make any sense?"
She stands up and grabs his hand, and even though she still doesn't think they are in love, she thinks that everything else is right and they are just dreaming for something of what they both wish, and of what one knows and the other one has to find out.
"We weren't ever really in love, do you think?" Seohyun asks. It is kind of blunt but for some reason it just has to be asked. They are sitting in the tiny balcony of their apartment, of which has yet to be emptied out even though the last episode is done and gone.
Yonghwa smiles and looks through the bars of the fence. "That lady's dog is so cute. You think she would notice if we kidnapped it?"
"I don't think we were. I just think this is some training for the future, when you are supposed to date and get married and learn about things that you couldn't have possibly known otherwise."
"Or maybe we could just kidnap her whole house. We could sell her ours. Is that possible, to sell your house back to your landlord?"
Seohyun places her hand over his and he kind of tenses up, but she doesn't move it away. "What do you think, Yonghwa? You think we were ever in love?" He looks up at her and smiles again, that innocent smile that she has learned to so able read but does not tell her anything now. "I've never been in love before." His smile tightens. She feels her eyes welling up in tears. "You don't think we were ever in love, do you?"
"I..." He looks down and he folds both of his hands over her one. "I don't know about you, Seohyun-sshi," she wants to hit him, "but I think I was very much in love. I don't know much about love either, but I think the way it was it just happened. Because we learned from each other, didn't we?, and we laughed at each other, didn't we?, and we felt for each other, and we held each other's hands and we kissed and we were what love is, weren't we? Isn't that love, Seohyun? What we were?"
Seohyun shakes her head and her hair falls past her face, and he brushes the strands away so he can wipe away the tears and hold her in his words.
"I don't know about you, Seohyun, but I think I was very much in love." Her manager calls for her and Seohyun pulls back. "Maybe you were too."
She shakes her head, and then nods, and then sniffs loudly before turning to look at him. "Yeah." She smiles through the tears and the wetness and most likely visible snot too. "Yeah, maybe I was too."
It is time for her to wake up. She doesn't know how she can tell, but she can, and she knows Yonghwa can tell too. He hasn't let go of her hand since they've been walking through this garden, this empty garden, this heaven she doesn't think she will ever want to forget.
"Do you still not remember me? At all?" Yonghwa asks. Seohyun nods. His smile kind of drops but she grips his hand tighter.
"That doesn't mean anything," Seohyun replies. "Just because I don't remember doesn't mean we never existed. Somewhere, maybe we really were, you know... Alive. Together and alive."
Yonghwa smiles at her and it is somewhat of a broken smile. The clouds are darkening and she can feel a chill running through her bones. She is waking up but Seohyun does not want to let go. She does not want to forget - she wants to keep this dream, this fantasy, even this reality if that is what is and the rest of the world is the dream, in her heart and her soul and her mind and everywhere that she can hold it.
"Yonghwa," she says. Her voice is getting louder. "Yonghwa, I think I love you too. I think... I think we were in love, in one way or another. I think it existed, and I think I loved you like you loved me, and I think it was all real. All of it."
He smiles but he is crying. The tears are coming out like a flood. She feels herself breaking. "Seohyun," he says, through his flooding, "I'm glad you believe me."
Seohyun stops, turning towards him and smiling back. "I don't need to believe you, this is just my own reality that happens to match yours."
Lightning strikes somewhere in the back of this garden and a roar of thunder breaks the harsh rustling of the wind. She lets go of his hands and wraps her hands around his neck, and she can barely see him through the tears - or the rain, she can't tell the difference between the hot saltiness anymore - and his bangs are plastered to his face, his shirt clinging to his chest and his shoulders, and it is sticky and uncomfortable and so perfect. She has seconds, maybe a minute at most.
He leans down and kisses her and she tastes his love before she wakes up.
my interest in yongseo has kind of died
just cause they aren't there anymore.
which is obviously not displayed by me
always having an icon ready in hand for
use lmao. but really. how do i anymore.
what is life where there is yongseo /cries/
cnblue/snsd - yonghwa/seohyun - g
2505w~
familiar memories and repeated realities.
inspired by the gogumafics yongseo 1000 day challenge.
His hands are fidgeting and she can hear him suppressing giggles with his back turned towards her. The rest of them are occasionally glancing at this one guy, and that is how Seohyun knows it is him. Yonghwa, Jung Yonghwa, this quirky leader of a four-member band that has outlived the expectations of that of any band. She swallows and places a blanket over his shoulders and hopes her instincts don't fail on her when she needs them.
He almost squeals when he feels the cloth and she resists a smile. He's quite adorable.
"Who are you?"
He smiles at her and a name flashes in her head once before disappearing. Yonghwa. "Yonghwa?" she says, and his smile widens. "Who is that? Who are you?"
The stranger in front of her does not say anything and Seohyun doesn't know why, but suddenly her heart is hurting. He is so familiar but she can't remember having ever seen his face. It aches, and she runs through her memories, trying to pick out one that has this man, this Yonghwa that has suddenly appeared in her dreams.
"Once upon a time, we were in love," he suddenly says.
"He thinks I'm a total weirdo," Seohyun tells Hyoyeon over sweet potatoes and milk shakes. "Probably a neat freak or one of those typical, OCD Asian girls. Can I file for a divorce?" Hyoyeon snorts and liquid goes flying everywhere. It is kind of disgusting, and she whines. "Unnie, I'm serious!"
"You can't file a divorce for a virtual marriage," Hyoyeon replies, and Seohyun sighs. You won't know if you don't try she wants to say, but decides against it when Tiffany enters the kitchen with a platter of fruit.
"What were we talking about?"
Hyoyeon looks at Seohyun and winks before turning back to Tiffany and answering, "Maknae's boy problems."
"They aren't boy problems!"
Tiffany's eyes widen and Hyoyeon is giggling and she can feel her face heating up in Hyoyeon's lies and embarrassment. "God, I hate being married," she mumbles. The sweet potatoes in front of her seem to be eyeing her down, and there is this sudden memory of goguma counting and her revelation of embarrassment. "I hate sweet potatoes too," she adds, before pushing them away and deciding if she can really get this divorce thing going.
His hand is warm and soft and everything she remembers his hand feeling. She doesn't ever remember holding his hand, though, this Yonghwa, but the feeling exists and her heart is not hurting anymore. "I don't understand," she says, and he grins the toothy grin he has been giving her all day (night? she can't tell what time it is either) they have been together as she repeatedly displays her utter confusion. "We were... What? I don't even know who you are."
"But I am a familiar memory," he tells her, and she nods. "We were in love, Yonghwa and Seohyun," i never told you my name - but you never told me yours, "secretly but displayed for the world to see."
"I... That doesn't make any sense. If it was secretly, then how was it...?"
Yonghwa shrugs. "It was just like that. You liked me and I liked you and we didn't tell anyone. We were just virtually married and in love. It is an idol's nightmare and a lover's heaven. It was all in one, and it was beautiful."
Seohyun thinks she might be growing on him. Minhyuk catches her backstage of Music Bank one day and tells her Yonghwa doesn't leave the book she gave him alone at any time. It makes her heart pound a little bit and she thinks her cheeks might be turning red, but that could be because of performance anxiety and the norm.
"I heard you liked the book I recommended?" she says over dishes one night, and Yonghwa snickers.
"Who told you that?" She looks at him with this twinkling glare in her eyes and he laughs. "Stop that, you're freaking me out!"
"I'm not doing anything!"
Yonghwa is still laughing and she pouts, turning back to the pan in her hands that is incessant in its attachment to oily vegetables. Yonghwa bumps her with his hip and she turns over to glare at him, but suddenly he looks really cute holding a hot fry pan and screaming in pain when he could just let it go, and Seohyun laughs too.
Maybe her intelligence isn't rubbing off, but at least his humor is.
The flowers smell beautiful wherever they are. It proposes a question, and Seohyun turns to Yonghwa. His hand is still holding hers and she has no desire to let go. "Where are we?"
He shrugs. "Beats me."
"You don't seem to know a lot about this place."
"I'm just like you when it comes to this."
Seohyun looks at him accusingly. "Then how come you remember all this stuff about me and you when all I can remember is your name?" Yonghwa smiles and then a breeze comes over the whole garden scenery. His hair is blowing towards his face as he looks at her, straight and long and fringe framing the defined lines of his face, and he looks beautiful. Nothing out of the ordinary, just his own beauty shining in the rest of it all.
"Maybe I wanted to remember," he whispers, and she can't remember the wind drowning out their voices anymore, "because sometimes, it was all I had." Seohyun swallows. "You were all I had sometimes, Seohyun."
She would return the statement, but Seohyun still doesn't remember Yonghwa. She doesn't know whether it is because she can't or because she doesn't want to.
When they first hold hands, she thinks she might explode of all sorts of embarrassments. They are both sweaty and unnaturally hot and the mosquitoes are in no mood to leave them be, but he grabs her hand anyways, like it is the soft springtime when the flowers are blooming and so is the love.
She can hear the squeals from her members in her head as she is on her way home and she decides they can make a pit stop to the convenience store before she has to deal with that.
"Do you know where they keep the fruit?" and Yonghwa looks at her strangely. "What?"
"They don't sell fruit at convenience stores, Seohyun." He keeps staring at her and then breaks out into this dorky smile, shaking his head and pulling her inside even though she can't think of anything she wants anymore. "Have you ever had ramen, Seohyun-sshi?" and Seohyun can hear the sarcasm dripping from his sentence.
"No, I haven't," she retorts similarly, and his grin only widens.
"Well, then, maybe we should change that."
He grabs the first packet his hands land on - that isn't even the good kind, she almost says - and he nods at the cashier, who rings it up naturally and motions them to the water heater.
They eat their ramen noodles in the back of a convenience shop when Seohyun should be home and Yonghwa should be disciplining awkward band members, but instead they go through chatting over unhealthy midnight snacks (and yonghwa's hand holding seohyun's under the table, secretly and subtly and oh-so perfectly).
Seohyun's hand fidgets in Yonghwa's. She sighs, and he turns over to look at her with a curious expression. "What are you thinking about?" he says, and she shrugs.
"I don't know. I can't tell if I'm dreaming or just... Dead." Yonghwa snorts and it is familiar for no definite reason. This remembrance issue is becoming really bothersome, when she thinks about. "Should I remember you?" she suddenly asks. "How do I know this isn't all just some made up fantasy in my head, of a guy I dreamed up and a story that he just happened to tell?"
Yonghwa tightens his grip on her hand. Seohyun feels limp in his hold. "You can think that is that it is, if you'd like too."
"That isn't what you're supposed to say!" she whines, and his eyes grow in this surprised manner. "You're supposed to tell me why it is real!"
Yonghwa shrugs, and she sighs again. "I don't know how to explain that to you." He lets go of her hand and stands up, stepping over so he is in front of her and she is glancing up at him through the sunlight. It sure is bright, wherever they are. "Tell me what you're feeling."
"Confused?"
He nods, and then pauses, and then nods again. "Okay. Okay, I can do that."
"Do what?"
"Ssh, let me think." Seohyun smiles at his concentration. She remembers him being focused, determined on the things he so loved, but Seohyun doesn't know what he loves or who he is or what any of this really means.
"We are," he begins, "we are not a couple. We are strangers." She nods. "But we are in love." Seohyun doesn't respond, because she does not know the answer to his statement. "I know we are in love because my heart is beating very fast when I am around you, and you are the thoughts that fill my head and the person that I want to please, and you are perfect, and I know you even though you do not know me, and I do not mind that you do not know because I know, and that is enough to relive this fantasy." Yonghwa looks at her straight, then. "I don't know if that is love to you, but that is love to me, and I don't think this is just a future. I think this is just dream, of which both of us are reliving and apparently I just have to lead us through it."
Seohyun's heart has stopped. "Does that make any sense?"
She stands up and grabs his hand, and even though she still doesn't think they are in love, she thinks that everything else is right and they are just dreaming for something of what they both wish, and of what one knows and the other one has to find out.
"We weren't ever really in love, do you think?" Seohyun asks. It is kind of blunt but for some reason it just has to be asked. They are sitting in the tiny balcony of their apartment, of which has yet to be emptied out even though the last episode is done and gone.
Yonghwa smiles and looks through the bars of the fence. "That lady's dog is so cute. You think she would notice if we kidnapped it?"
"I don't think we were. I just think this is some training for the future, when you are supposed to date and get married and learn about things that you couldn't have possibly known otherwise."
"Or maybe we could just kidnap her whole house. We could sell her ours. Is that possible, to sell your house back to your landlord?"
Seohyun places her hand over his and he kind of tenses up, but she doesn't move it away. "What do you think, Yonghwa? You think we were ever in love?" He looks up at her and smiles again, that innocent smile that she has learned to so able read but does not tell her anything now. "I've never been in love before." His smile tightens. She feels her eyes welling up in tears. "You don't think we were ever in love, do you?"
"I..." He looks down and he folds both of his hands over her one. "I don't know about you, Seohyun-sshi," she wants to hit him, "but I think I was very much in love. I don't know much about love either, but I think the way it was it just happened. Because we learned from each other, didn't we?, and we laughed at each other, didn't we?, and we felt for each other, and we held each other's hands and we kissed and we were what love is, weren't we? Isn't that love, Seohyun? What we were?"
Seohyun shakes her head and her hair falls past her face, and he brushes the strands away so he can wipe away the tears and hold her in his words.
"I don't know about you, Seohyun, but I think I was very much in love." Her manager calls for her and Seohyun pulls back. "Maybe you were too."
She shakes her head, and then nods, and then sniffs loudly before turning to look at him. "Yeah." She smiles through the tears and the wetness and most likely visible snot too. "Yeah, maybe I was too."
It is time for her to wake up. She doesn't know how she can tell, but she can, and she knows Yonghwa can tell too. He hasn't let go of her hand since they've been walking through this garden, this empty garden, this heaven she doesn't think she will ever want to forget.
"Do you still not remember me? At all?" Yonghwa asks. Seohyun nods. His smile kind of drops but she grips his hand tighter.
"That doesn't mean anything," Seohyun replies. "Just because I don't remember doesn't mean we never existed. Somewhere, maybe we really were, you know... Alive. Together and alive."
Yonghwa smiles at her and it is somewhat of a broken smile. The clouds are darkening and she can feel a chill running through her bones. She is waking up but Seohyun does not want to let go. She does not want to forget - she wants to keep this dream, this fantasy, even this reality if that is what is and the rest of the world is the dream, in her heart and her soul and her mind and everywhere that she can hold it.
"Yonghwa," she says. Her voice is getting louder. "Yonghwa, I think I love you too. I think... I think we were in love, in one way or another. I think it existed, and I think I loved you like you loved me, and I think it was all real. All of it."
He smiles but he is crying. The tears are coming out like a flood. She feels herself breaking. "Seohyun," he says, through his flooding, "I'm glad you believe me."
Seohyun stops, turning towards him and smiling back. "I don't need to believe you, this is just my own reality that happens to match yours."
Lightning strikes somewhere in the back of this garden and a roar of thunder breaks the harsh rustling of the wind. She lets go of his hands and wraps her hands around his neck, and she can barely see him through the tears - or the rain, she can't tell the difference between the hot saltiness anymore - and his bangs are plastered to his face, his shirt clinging to his chest and his shoulders, and it is sticky and uncomfortable and so perfect. She has seconds, maybe a minute at most.
He leans down and kisses her and she tastes his love before she wakes up.
my interest in yongseo has kind of died
just cause they aren't there anymore.
which is obviously not displayed by me
always having an icon ready in hand for
use lmao. but really. how do i anymore.
what is life where there is yongseo /cries/