Ah Rain
So it's pouring outside, which honestly is a nice sound while you're trying to read and get work done. Something about the pattering on the fire escape or the gentle rolling thunder going on outside makes me feel kinda of calm and sleepy (and a lot like a hippy too for some reason =P).
Today was the first day of my "Two Pages A Day" plan for my senior project. I got my two pages done and enough reading to talk to my adviser tomorrow without stammering and feeling like an idiot, so I suppose that's good. I get the feeling that at least for awhile, I'll be really stressed out about my project, so I'm trying to find ways to calm myself down. Easy music, manga breaks and personal reading seem to be doing the trick so far. Ironic that the only class I'm taking this semester is on stress and how it works, eh?
I'm still sunken really deep into depression for no apparent reason. It has nothing to do with the seasons, because it's the same type of depression I get in the middle of summer or spring or fall...
I can't really describe what it is for real. It's not like "I'm so lonely" depression or "I hate the world" depression or "I'm failing at life depression" or "I have no friends" depression. I mean I guess I have a decent reason to be depressed what with my lung, and the deaths over break and everything, but I got past all that. This brand of depression doesn't do anything aside from kill my motivation. Like when I'm depressed I don't want to do things, even fun things. And sometimes I force myself to do stuff, attempting (usually futilely) to pull myself out of the depression. Odd thing is, once I get rolling with something, the depression kind of goes away, or at least takes a back seat to whatever I've started doing.
I remember writing used to kill off a lot of my depression in high school. Maybe I should start doing that again? Only problem is I always look at the end product and my brain goes "what the hell did you do?" (haha). The other problem is that I probably don't have time to write with all the stuff I have to do in the coming weeks. We'll see. Maybe I'll be adventurous and let someone actually read what I've written for a change.
Anyways, back to schizophrenia. I swear my books and articles are going to turn me into what I'm studying.
Oh yeah, and for some reason now I'm deaf in my right ear. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to figure out why, but basically I woke up this morning and only one ear was working. I hate my body.
Today was the first day of my "Two Pages A Day" plan for my senior project. I got my two pages done and enough reading to talk to my adviser tomorrow without stammering and feeling like an idiot, so I suppose that's good. I get the feeling that at least for awhile, I'll be really stressed out about my project, so I'm trying to find ways to calm myself down. Easy music, manga breaks and personal reading seem to be doing the trick so far. Ironic that the only class I'm taking this semester is on stress and how it works, eh?
I'm still sunken really deep into depression for no apparent reason. It has nothing to do with the seasons, because it's the same type of depression I get in the middle of summer or spring or fall...
I can't really describe what it is for real. It's not like "I'm so lonely" depression or "I hate the world" depression or "I'm failing at life depression" or "I have no friends" depression. I mean I guess I have a decent reason to be depressed what with my lung, and the deaths over break and everything, but I got past all that. This brand of depression doesn't do anything aside from kill my motivation. Like when I'm depressed I don't want to do things, even fun things. And sometimes I force myself to do stuff, attempting (usually futilely) to pull myself out of the depression. Odd thing is, once I get rolling with something, the depression kind of goes away, or at least takes a back seat to whatever I've started doing.
I remember writing used to kill off a lot of my depression in high school. Maybe I should start doing that again? Only problem is I always look at the end product and my brain goes "what the hell did you do?" (haha). The other problem is that I probably don't have time to write with all the stuff I have to do in the coming weeks. We'll see. Maybe I'll be adventurous and let someone actually read what I've written for a change.
Anyways, back to schizophrenia. I swear my books and articles are going to turn me into what I'm studying.
Oh yeah, and for some reason now I'm deaf in my right ear. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to figure out why, but basically I woke up this morning and only one ear was working. I hate my body.