Priorities ruining a perfectly great girl?
So I've recently been hanging out with and talking to a girl and I was intrigued by her originally. A girl that I can't read or figure out, a girl that actually made me a bit nervous at one point which is just odd, because she's not even intimidating, just something seemed off about approaching certain things with her.
In the span of a week or so I became mildly attached, enough to open up a lot (doesn't take a lot for me to open up, I've got nothing to hide - but I need the right person if I'm going to be a little more personal). No big deal, I'm taking things slow - something I generally suck at in the emotional attachment world. A problem has arisen though, and it bums me out greatly.
First night I hung out with this girl with her friends, I decided to let loose and relax a bit, so I joined them in a night of some smoking, the night went fine, it was nice to meet new people and experience and observe a new group of people. The next night I hung out with her at her friend's place, similar experience except I turned down smoking mostly because it's just never been my thing, and they were cool about it. The night ends, and finally I actually get the balls to kiss this girl (this is amusing to me because I'm not bashful and not afraid to make a move, but wtf this girl throws me for a loop). Cool, it went fine, we are on the same page.
The last couple of days we talked about hanging out... yesterday it didn't happen, she decided to go to her friend's house again (I'm getting the hint that a regular trip to her friends is a burn run, almost daily). I thought maybe she'd come over at the end of the night, instead she headed home, I told her it was fine - especially since her little boy was probably missing her back home and her parents possibly exhausted from taking care of him while she worked part of the day.
I asked about plans today, as well as having a pretty deep and self exploitative conversation, we both know that we aren't looking to jump into a relationship but really like each other and would like to see where things go. She said she'd check and see what her plans were for the day, and let me know. Today's plans were for her to head straight to her friend's place again - I've invited her over multiple times, and left the option open to hang out here - but instead I was once again invited to see her at her friend's house. I accepted, lagged behind a bit partially because I'm not big on smoking, especially not a regular occurrence of it. I show up at her friend's house, invite the girl out to join me and some friends to some dollar tacos and margaritas and I get the response "I don't wanna spend money on that", and shortly after a girl shows up handing out bags of bud to her and her friend, 50 dollars a pop. I was unimpressed, on multiple levels after seeing that.
Is it impossible for people to save a little money on a small dose of bliss, and enjoy a week out with someone who is willing to help you have a fun and mostly sober week without drama? I mean, she also complains about how broke she is, but purchases that... It's completely quizzical to me that she would come out and tell me how interested she is in me, and that she misses me, but clearly has a bigger attachment to her bud(addiction? doubt it..), than to caring to give me a chance to show her a good time.
I hate to see a pretty girl, a mom nonetheless, run down this path. I left when they went for a munchies run only 20 minutes later, I told her that I'd text her later but I was going to hangout with my friends at dollar night (which I invited her along). I'll probably break down and let her know a general idea of what's going through my mind, the look on her face when I left was clear that she understood something was bothering me. I don't have an issue with smoking, it's not my thing personally, but to make it a money-sink and daily requirement for a good time? How can it be worth it, to sit around on a couch getting burned daily, the only social contact to be food runs - 50 dollars for a good time doing that, or 50 dollars for a good time to go to dinner and a movie, or bowl or play pool and have some pizza, have a few drinks and go to the club or a few drinks and a night in with a redbox, I can name a ton of really neat ideas to do with 50 dollars, and sure, the occasional "I wanna relax and get high, and find something ridiculous to laugh at".
I'm definitely coming back to this journal, this is how I will collect my life together and have a reminder of where my emotions and beliefs stand.
In the span of a week or so I became mildly attached, enough to open up a lot (doesn't take a lot for me to open up, I've got nothing to hide - but I need the right person if I'm going to be a little more personal). No big deal, I'm taking things slow - something I generally suck at in the emotional attachment world. A problem has arisen though, and it bums me out greatly.
First night I hung out with this girl with her friends, I decided to let loose and relax a bit, so I joined them in a night of some smoking, the night went fine, it was nice to meet new people and experience and observe a new group of people. The next night I hung out with her at her friend's place, similar experience except I turned down smoking mostly because it's just never been my thing, and they were cool about it. The night ends, and finally I actually get the balls to kiss this girl (this is amusing to me because I'm not bashful and not afraid to make a move, but wtf this girl throws me for a loop). Cool, it went fine, we are on the same page.
The last couple of days we talked about hanging out... yesterday it didn't happen, she decided to go to her friend's house again (I'm getting the hint that a regular trip to her friends is a burn run, almost daily). I thought maybe she'd come over at the end of the night, instead she headed home, I told her it was fine - especially since her little boy was probably missing her back home and her parents possibly exhausted from taking care of him while she worked part of the day.
I asked about plans today, as well as having a pretty deep and self exploitative conversation, we both know that we aren't looking to jump into a relationship but really like each other and would like to see where things go. She said she'd check and see what her plans were for the day, and let me know. Today's plans were for her to head straight to her friend's place again - I've invited her over multiple times, and left the option open to hang out here - but instead I was once again invited to see her at her friend's house. I accepted, lagged behind a bit partially because I'm not big on smoking, especially not a regular occurrence of it. I show up at her friend's house, invite the girl out to join me and some friends to some dollar tacos and margaritas and I get the response "I don't wanna spend money on that", and shortly after a girl shows up handing out bags of bud to her and her friend, 50 dollars a pop. I was unimpressed, on multiple levels after seeing that.
Is it impossible for people to save a little money on a small dose of bliss, and enjoy a week out with someone who is willing to help you have a fun and mostly sober week without drama? I mean, she also complains about how broke she is, but purchases that... It's completely quizzical to me that she would come out and tell me how interested she is in me, and that she misses me, but clearly has a bigger attachment to her bud(addiction? doubt it..), than to caring to give me a chance to show her a good time.
I hate to see a pretty girl, a mom nonetheless, run down this path. I left when they went for a munchies run only 20 minutes later, I told her that I'd text her later but I was going to hangout with my friends at dollar night (which I invited her along). I'll probably break down and let her know a general idea of what's going through my mind, the look on her face when I left was clear that she understood something was bothering me. I don't have an issue with smoking, it's not my thing personally, but to make it a money-sink and daily requirement for a good time? How can it be worth it, to sit around on a couch getting burned daily, the only social contact to be food runs - 50 dollars for a good time doing that, or 50 dollars for a good time to go to dinner and a movie, or bowl or play pool and have some pizza, have a few drinks and go to the club or a few drinks and a night in with a redbox, I can name a ton of really neat ideas to do with 50 dollars, and sure, the occasional "I wanna relax and get high, and find something ridiculous to laugh at".
I'm definitely coming back to this journal, this is how I will collect my life together and have a reminder of where my emotions and beliefs stand.