You know...

[tenkuudragon]

I don't know why so many people expect others to be happy all the time. There's times that I just wish everything would stop. I'm not saying I feel that way all the time, but still. And it's not that I'm ungrateful for the things I have, I just don't have the energy to always act like everything is fine. Some of my friends that I had in high school know that, considering I almost had a nervous breakdown my junior year, and was so miserable my senior year I wanted to leave (but didn't due to my parents bugging me). On top of that there was the falling out with D2, who still won't talk to me to this day (at least not civilly)... Now that was tough o me. Very tough. I cared about her so much and she tossed me aside. And she got mad at me for telling her off! Well, I'd get mad at someone for telling me off too, but she was supposed to be my best friend and she never noticed that I was hurting until it was too late. Either that or she noticed but didn't give a crap, which I am sad to admit could have been the case considering who it is I'm talking about.

Gah... I don't know why I keep doing things like this to myself. I'd like to think I'm over that whole thing, but every once in awhile something brings it up somehow and it begins to hurt again. And then I start thinking about how pointless my life seems sometimes. I don't see why anyone would think they love me. I just don't. How could they? I'm so... I don't know how to explain it. It also doesn't make sense to me that there are people who think I'm pretty, because I know I'm not. I just happen to exist and take up air on this insane planet.

There are times like this that I want to curl up into a ball, go to sleep, and never wake up... But then I realize I can't. That would be the easy way out and I couldn't do that to the people I care about.

Although maybe this partially the headache talking. I just don't know, nor do I care. It's how I feel at times.