The Situation.

[tendrils]

The Beginning
It would be almost impossible to be unaware of the drama that's been going on lately.
To this point, I've tried to stay out of it, but am now finding it impossible to do so.
Unlike other posts, this won't be a brief 'please stop the fighting', but rather the most complete dissection of the situation that I can muster.
In fact, this will

Comments

[jebila]

I shadow your every online move??? How so?? I'm don't understand where that comes from.

I haven't touched on why I take your allergy personally because I don't. If you remember back to the pre-war days, you'll remember I was actually accommodating of it. Remember the party you never came to that we made gluten free cheesecakes for? Remember the gluten-free party bag you got at the last party? Or remember the last time I saw you before this shit started when I got everyone ice-creams and called to specifically see if there were any you could have?? I have tried Em. And lets face it, we don't see each other often, so I think this is a fair indication that at least your allergy has been a thought in my mind when organising food at places where you will be, and of me INCLUDING you despite your allergy. I hardly see how that can be taken as having something against it.

For gods sake don't read this and jump off the deep end. I am about the calmest I have been through this whole thing, and everything here will be as honest as I can be.

I don't know how many times I have said this, but the intention behind my initial comment was good. It really was. If you perceived it as critical and wondered why, it would have been more effective to ask than to start name-calling when you obviously knew things would blow up. I didn't know that you had called up to the restaurant and explained your situation before you ate there, you didn't state that. And if you had, I'd have had no reason to comment at all, because that was the only point I was trying to get across.

I don't think you use your anaphalaxys as a mechanism for sympathy. My only problem with you is that you fail to take responsibiity for yourself in aspects of your life where you should. Yes what happened to you at the restaurant was unfair, but many people with allergies manage them because they have to and its a responsibility that although you didn't ask for, is now yours. There are other aspects of your life that I most probably should have brought up with you and didn't, that bothered me about you. I was bothered by your uni debarcle. Yes the uni took the wrong course of action with you, but do you not believe it was warranted? There have been plenty of times that you haven't gone to uni, not because you're sick, but because you're hungover, scattered or still fucked up. There have been times where you've posted your assignments on LJ and asked other people to do them for you because they're overdue. And people have! I just don't agree with it. I think if you want to stay in uni and you want to pass, you should work for it. If I fail any of my subjects, I know its because I haven't worked hard enough and that I need to pull my socks up. You just seem to find someone/thing else to blame.

I think the bottom line is, I find it hard to respect you. Thats not meant as an insult, but it is how I feel.

I haven't needed to talk to you about any of this in person because you have been unreasonable, and I knew we would come to no conclusions. You had previously refused to admit that you were wrong, when I had freely admitted we were both in the wrong, and there's hardly cause for friendly banter when one person isn't open to another person's point of view.

I have to go to work... think what you will of this comment, but please read it a couple of times and consider it before replying.

[magenta_babylon]

Remember the party you never came to that we made gluten free cheesecakes for?

Bit hard to remember cheesecakes from a party that I didn't attend. This has to be about the sixth time you have recriminated me in some way for failing to attend your housewarming. I was sick. Get over it. Actually by your way of thinking you should be proud of me for taking the responsible option of staying home the day after sticking a needle into my leg, rather than partying with my friends.

You have tried, I never said that you haven't. But attempting to accommodate my needs sometimes doesn't excuse your behavior on my journal.

I really don't care what the intent behind your original comment was. Your subsequent comments are where you showed your true colours sunshine, and you can't explain away the malice inherent in such statemen ts as "or was that something else you made up to make us feel sorry for you" and then that patronising "magical shopping centre shit" which managed to argue against malice and employ it in the same paragraph.

Everything else in your comment is redundant. As is obvious if you read anything about my uni troubles I take responsibility for my failures, and I also acknowledge the role that a serious illness and university admin bungles have played. Utter crap about getting people to do my assignments for me (asking for input is not the same as shadow writing). It's all very easy for you to scold me like this in hindsight, but I told you so comments are not what was needed. Sure, I should have deferred while I grappled with health issues, but sick people don't think very clearly and in error I tried to continue my studies because I wanted them done.

I never asked for your respect Jen. I can't admit that I am wrong if I am not. I simply ask that as a friend you try not to judge and listen when people tell you that your words are problematic.

[jebila]

Ok, I'm bowing out.

I've tried to reason with you, but its pretty clear that no amount of talking will make you see that you were partly in the wrong. So rather than sit around waiting for an apology, I'm going to get on with my life.

I hope you can do the same.

Sunshine.