(no subject)
This is why:
I smell like diesel
and you smell like heaven.
I'm assuming.
I'm not close enough
to know. I'd have to
ask someone else.
I'm stained with oil, dirt,
and self-hatred.
You are graced with
attributes my pen will not
write for fear my heart
would burst onto the
page instead of the hands
I want them in.
I wish it would have
stayed a drive-by
instead of a walk-in.
I wish i could have
looked in your eyes
instead of staring at
my feet.
instead of a hood covering
my head I want
your hands covering
my ears so I can't hear
me but i can feel you.
I'd rather a continent reside
between us instead of the
tension that draws
all looks, all emotion, down.
I can deal with never trying,
hope is easy to lose when
you never have it to Begin with,
but I stoked it, I fed it,
I reached out, I grasped, gently,
for you
and he's right, I have no
grounds for feeling rejected
but your silence is brutal
and I hear your crystalline.
my heart has been wasted for
seven years, what was I thinking that I had anything
to offer you? I made
room, among the dead
tissue, by throwing out
whatever I could find.
and now I think I'm
missing something. I
don't know what
your attention feels like,
it can't be that. I don't
know what or who is on your
mind, and that's not my place.
I seem to be misplacing everything these
days. I wish I knew
where you stood but the
voice in my head is
much louder (and harsher)
then the whisper of
your thoughts. They pass like
wind and I can't
hold them. And now I"m lost because I
ran after that wind
and I believe it
resides with someone else.
and I'm misplaced in a
foreign land with no heart.
I want to run but I've wasted my
strength, you've taken my legs,
my endurance is shot.
fortunately we're not that close
so my inability to move
shouldn't be too excruciating.
when your circles converge I'll bleed,
but I'll notice who and when
and I'll just stop the rotation.
I will be eclipsed by someone older,
someone a little more
creative. someone who doesn't
like winter, and I"ll hide
behind the sun. yes, hide. not
rest, not rotate, but hide.
I'm incapable of finding solace from it,
with my backwards lifestyle,
how could I expect you to love me?
I bring love into the situation and I
am ridiculous because I have yet
to see you look at me with interest
in your eyes. Politeness, yes. Interest, no.
I'm doing my best
not to turn this into a game,
I call it rejection but I'm told
otherwise and I have no idea
who to believe.
my self-hatred burns with
the intensity of the solar flare that is guarding
me from love, from grace,
from forgiveness,
from giving you a chance to
take a chance on me.
I spew hypocrisy though because
I want you to love me and I don't love me.
and this is me smashing my head into
a wall, asking myriad questions that are
all hypothetical. What does the tension
mean? What is he to her and why do I want to hurt
him when I have absolutely no claim to her?
It's ridiculous.
I smell like diesel
and you smell like heaven.
I'm assuming.
I'm not close enough
to know. I'd have to
ask someone else.
I'm stained with oil, dirt,
and self-hatred.
You are graced with
attributes my pen will not
write for fear my heart
would burst onto the
page instead of the hands
I want them in.
I wish it would have
stayed a drive-by
instead of a walk-in.
I wish i could have
looked in your eyes
instead of staring at
my feet.
instead of a hood covering
my head I want
your hands covering
my ears so I can't hear
me but i can feel you.
I'd rather a continent reside
between us instead of the
tension that draws
all looks, all emotion, down.
I can deal with never trying,
hope is easy to lose when
you never have it to Begin with,
but I stoked it, I fed it,
I reached out, I grasped, gently,
for you
and he's right, I have no
grounds for feeling rejected
but your silence is brutal
and I hear your crystalline.
my heart has been wasted for
seven years, what was I thinking that I had anything
to offer you? I made
room, among the dead
tissue, by throwing out
whatever I could find.
and now I think I'm
missing something. I
don't know what
your attention feels like,
it can't be that. I don't
know what or who is on your
mind, and that's not my place.
I seem to be misplacing everything these
days. I wish I knew
where you stood but the
voice in my head is
much louder (and harsher)
then the whisper of
your thoughts. They pass like
wind and I can't
hold them. And now I"m lost because I
ran after that wind
and I believe it
resides with someone else.
and I'm misplaced in a
foreign land with no heart.
I want to run but I've wasted my
strength, you've taken my legs,
my endurance is shot.
fortunately we're not that close
so my inability to move
shouldn't be too excruciating.
when your circles converge I'll bleed,
but I'll notice who and when
and I'll just stop the rotation.
I will be eclipsed by someone older,
someone a little more
creative. someone who doesn't
like winter, and I"ll hide
behind the sun. yes, hide. not
rest, not rotate, but hide.
I'm incapable of finding solace from it,
with my backwards lifestyle,
how could I expect you to love me?
I bring love into the situation and I
am ridiculous because I have yet
to see you look at me with interest
in your eyes. Politeness, yes. Interest, no.
I'm doing my best
not to turn this into a game,
I call it rejection but I'm told
otherwise and I have no idea
who to believe.
my self-hatred burns with
the intensity of the solar flare that is guarding
me from love, from grace,
from forgiveness,
from giving you a chance to
take a chance on me.
I spew hypocrisy though because
I want you to love me and I don't love me.
and this is me smashing my head into
a wall, asking myriad questions that are
all hypothetical. What does the tension
mean? What is he to her and why do I want to hurt
him when I have absolutely no claim to her?
It's ridiculous.