Boo hoo.

[tenderandflaky]

I know I've been ignoring you, lj, but I'm back, for now. The problem is, is that I'm not sure if I have anything to say. I feel like this is a space that's for sharing, and I'm plagued with a lack of interesting shit to share lately. Maybe it's because I've been floating recently - not doing much of anything, other than getting really drunk and

Comments

[paperquilt]

I don't know but to me it seems like you've been doing a lot? Taking a class and working and overseas travel. I'm the real floater... sigh. Think I'm beginning to get it together though, maybe.

[tenderandflaky]

I only work part time now; I didn't want to take another class this semester. I guess I feel like I'm really stunted. Like no matter what I do I'm not getting anywhere so I just give up. Throw my hands in the air. When they land, I find myself gripping chilled glasses of Italian white Burgundy, mindlessly sipping.

And then I cry and wonder if it will ever change. That's where I'm at right now. I'm trying to force the change along because it sure as hell isn't going to happen if I sit by idly.

[tenderandflaky]

Yes, we definitely should, though I'm trying to severely cut back on drinking. Haven't had any alcohol since Saturday and I'm pretty proud of myself. This is a new low for highs.

[unicornluvr]

This is exactly how I felt all through grad school (and that was before the serial death episodes began), because I was wildly unhappy. They even have a name for it- "Institutional Depression".

Now that I've had a job I've loved the past year, I'm a lot happier. I think your Life Assessment idea is a very good one. Too many people stick stuff out because they think it's necessary but I'm beginning to see the value of cutting your losses for something you actually love instead, or at least don't hate as much.

Seriously if I hadn't had you to keep me social and attached to the world in grad school, I shudder to think how much worse it would have been.

You'll find your happy. I have the faith.

[tenderandflaky]

I just watched a biography of Rick Bayless and cried a little it was so inspiring. He was in the middle of a Phd linguistics seminar when someone behind him whispered "man, someone smells like garlic" and he decided right then and there to leave academia for his dreams forever. He had no money, but he had something he loved. I want that so badly.

In 4 months I'll have some decision about life. I'm terrified.

[tenderandflaky]

I can't find anything on institutional depression. Do you have any material on it that I can read?

[sumwhat_sane_sa]

I'm quite convinced that peoples 20's and early 30's suck. Even the people I think have it together or know what they want seem to be struggling just as much as anyone else. I've been getting through the kind of agony you've described by reading autobiographies (mostly in comic form) and all of these people seem to describe their 20's as the worst part

[tenderandflaky]

Golly, I don't know about all the intelligence and guts (esp while contemplating dropping out of law school), but I certainly appreciate someone thinking so. Especially someone I think so highly of as well.

How's Chicago? Every city in America has suddenly become x1000 more interesting to me since I decided to implement such drastic changes. I felt like I had lived a permanent state of unrest my whole life, and now that things are supposed to be solidifying, all I can think about is shattering my small pocket of stability. Figures, right?