you gave me a life i never chose
Title: you gave me a life i never chose
Fandom: Glee
Rating: M. Violence and sexual themes.
Pairings: Rachel/Quinn
Word Count: 5kish.
Spoilers: AU.
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Summary: Serial Killer!Quinn. Lucy is a murderer and Quinn is the protector. Rachel is just her lifelong downfall.
you gave me a life i never chose
your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
It's the last year of middle school. She's still Lucy Quinn Fabray, instead of Quinn no-middle-name Fabray. A pudgy little girl with braces and an ugly nose, sitting alone in her bed, staring contemplatively at the little goldfish swimming around in the container on her desk. The fish looks relatively happy with a simply life.
Lucy doesn't exactly recall standing up and grabbing the tank, cradling the glass close to her body. Heading to the washroom, she shoves the jar onto the counter before turning around to lock the door. Nobody is home but there's nothing wrong with being careful. Deliberately, she tips the container into the sink before she stands there and waits.
Waits as the water slowly trickles down the drain and the goldfish is left to flop around in the sink, seeking air to survive and finding none. Hazel eyes, flecked with green and blue, are avidly trained on the fish, gills opening helplessly. A part of her wants to help, but another part of her shoves that urge away.
Eventually, the orange colored fish stops moving and Lucy takes it as a sign that it's dead. Her hand reaches into the sink to grab it. Feeling the scales brush roughly against her delicate skin, she cradles it gingerly for only a moment before she throws it into the toilet, scrambling to flush it a second later.
The trance-like state disperses after she methodically picks up the container that use to house her fish and brings it back to her desk. Blinking in confusion, Lucy doesn't recall what just happened but she doesn't spend much longer thinking about it as she hears keys jingling in the lock and the front door swings open. Parents are home.
Later, bits and pieces come back to her. Lucy knows fundamentally what happened. She purposely killed the fish. The Lucy then just doesn't understand why she did it.
Quinn doesn't remember every single detail till years later. Accompanying that is why she did it and the exact words to the prayer she sends up to God eventually.
Everything changes after. Lucy pleads with daddy to let her get a nose job and although he looks at her horrified like someone is possessing his little girl, agrees. The year is spent changing. Her personality goes first - no more sweet, nice little girl. Next is her appearance - no more braces or extra weight or glasses. Gone, gone, gone. She discovers her love of sports and is determined to keep the good changes.
No more Lucy, Quinn thinks at first but boy is she wrong.
They move during the summer. To Lima, Ohio.
Quinn has done her research on McKinley High and enrolls into cheer-leading camp during the summer. Inevitably, it's where she meets Santana and Brittany (even then, they were always SantanaandBrittany). At first, Quinn's hackles raise at Santana's stand-offish behavior but Brittany tempers that and Quinn decides then and there that she is going to be permanent friends with them. Santana wouldn't be Lucy's first choice but it's the right choice for Quinn. Faking it till she makes it.
Most of it is smooth sailing, Brittany makes Santana softer and eventually, Quinn just becomes immune to all of Santana's insults and remarks. All of that goes to hell though.
Irrationally, one day, Quinn finds herself with the urge to want to strangle Santana. She suppose it's not unusual, technically. The other girl is an A-grade bitch but this time, something stirs in her blood that demands more. Sitting across from Santana during dinner, her eyes keep tracing up and down the smooth column of Santana's neck. Unblemished except for a carefully hidden hickey.
Would her hands fit around Santana's tanned neck?
Later, she runs off in the middle of the night because Santana had been laid out all too temptingly in the same cabin as her. She had hands and pillows, all equally sufficient - and why in the world does she want to hurt her...best friend?
She prays hard for God to rid her of this evil.
Quinn avoids Santana for days after because whatever this thing inside of her wants does not settle after a night spent out alone in the forest.
Santana comes to confront her eventually though and they break out into a fight. A few punches here and there, a bruised jaw for Quinn, a black eye for Santana. Brittany comes all too soon to draw them apart and Quinn can't find it in her to hurt the other blonde. Besides, the hum in her blood has settled as soon as her fist connected with Santana's face.
Santana glares at her while Brittany hovers over the two of them with slight tears in her eyes.
Quinn hides her smile of pleasure.
Whatever it is that hides in her doesn't bother her for awhile - at least not about Santana.
It seems like she'll be afforded a regular girl life when she walks into McKinley that first day with Santana and Brittany behind her. She's already attended cheerleading try-outs and has gotten into the National winning Cheerios. High school is set up for her already.
Except the first thing she's greeted with is a face full of ice.
Her eyes sting and she's not prepared for it. From the disgruntled noises behind her, she assumes her two friends received the same treatment. Blinking her eyes open carefully, she sees Santana already marching up to the laughing perpetrator and ripping them a new one.
Quinn allows Santana to do the dirty work and instead turns to check if Brittany is alright. Somewhere along the way, the two of them have silently agreed that no matter what happens, the two of them will always protect Brittany.
Still, she wishes the roles were reversed and she's the one destroying the other student.
The hum in her blood returns.
Later that night, a stray cat happens into the Fabray estate and she already knows what she'll do.
The blood and dirt stick underneath her nails and she spends painstaking minutes in the washroom afterward trying to scrub them out. Quinn notes that she needs to buy a shovel of some sort because it's easier burying decapitated and gutted animals with a shovel than nails.
Quinn goes to bed feeling ... happy. Not guilty like she thought she would be after tormenting and taking the life of the cat. Feeling satisfied, she decides immediately, is the best feeling. Of course, it's still night so she's still her element but come morning?
Yeah, Quinn has a mild break down in the morning.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
And the stoic blonde is back.
Quinn doesn't meet Rachel till sophomore year because she spends the majority of freshman ensuring that the rest of her high school career is set up perfectly. There will be no more slushies in her future. She will be one of the popular kids, the future head cheerleader and prom quen. Rachel doesn't matter. Rachel is a geek, an insistent, rambling, blip on her plans.
Quinn doesn't know it then, but Rachel will be her downfall - in more ways than one.
She hates Rachel right away. Not because she really does, even though she is annoyed that the girl has the audacity to try and steal Finn away from her, no, it's because when Rachel is in the vicinity, that feeling comes back. Stronger than ever. This, whatever this is, isn't satisfied by smalls kill anymore. Animals won't do, raging at her peers doesn't satiate anymore.
When she finds out that Rachel has managed to convince Finn to join loserdom, something she eventually gets dragged into as well, she loses her tight control on things. Especially after the first glee club meeting and trying to endure an hour and a half in the same room as Rachel.
It's the first time Quinn - Lucy - takes a human life.
She secretly borrows a Swiss army knife from her father and sneaks out after midnight to Lima Heights Adjacent. Santana often drags Brittany and her here so she knows her way around well enough. Besides, she's done her research ahead of time. The true Lima losers hang out high and drunk in the slums and she knows where those are.
Quinn is careful. Or at least Lucy is.
She makes sure the chosen victim is segregated from everyone else before cornering them in a dark space between two apartment complexes. Quinn is wearing leather gloves and one hand automatically clamps over the other girl's mouth while the other holds the knife against the girl's neck.
"Shush," Quinn whispers softly at the stricken look after the girl attempts to scream and push her off. "I won't hurt you."
Lie.
In this position now, Quinn is uncertain. She has only ever done this on animals before and she wonders how she wants to approach this. Slide the knife in and settle this quickly? Or prolong it and enjoy the fear that is clearly emanating from her victim? The fear gets her off but this is also her first time. She's nervous and doesn't want to be caught. The knife slides into the girl's throat after a moment of hesitation and blood begins to pour out as Quinn stumbles away.
The girl sort of gurgles as she slumps against the wall.
There is something about seeing the light fade out of girl's eyes that makes her stomach clench and a pleased look slip across her face. Quinn allows herself to relish the moment as the girl bleeds out, waiting till there's no more movement before she drops to her knees to wrap a scarf around her neck.
Taking a quick look around, she hauls the body up with a little difficulty, swinging one of the body's arm around her neck. Dead weight is really that, dead and although she struggles, she manages to pass it off as the two of them being drunk as she trudges to her car to dispose of the body.
Cop shows are helpful and although Quinn supposes it's a little cliche, she ends up burying the girl in a forest. Maybe it's cliche but she's careful to check over everything and to leave little evidence. Hours after hours of watching various shows have become helpful to her.
A bitter chuckle escapes her. If only her mother knew what those hours would help her child do.
The next day, she arrives at school with an extra skip to her step. Quinn feels rejuvenated. Fantastic. Like nothing can take her down. Not even that stupid little hobbit that usually gets her blood pounding. Everyone notices that she seems to be marginally nicer today.
All she can do is celebrate the fact that she feels fine and normal and she's going to enjoy it as long as she can because she learned after the raccoon incident that ignoring her not so better half isn't the best idea. People - or animals - get hurt unintentionally and although she doesn't particularly care for most people, she cares for her reputation.
Quinn is fine for awhile and she likes to believe that God has finally listened to her prayers but something Rachel does always tips her back. One body turns into another and another and another. Her cooling period, something she learns from Criminal Minds, shrinks throughout the time she's in high school. Sophomore, she lasts several months from one kill to the next but that might have been because of Beth. Junior year, those months shrink with each passing victim. Senior year, well...
Quinn is glad she's leaving for New York after this because people are noticing and victims are harder to come by these days. She's not too worried about being caught even though she is careful. What does she have to lose in the end?
She can already see the headlines, the look of horror and disbelief.
When she arrives in New York to attend Columbia, Quinn is beyond glad that she is away from the intoxicating influence of Rachel. Lucy, Quinn has aptly named the 'bad' part of her, doesn't demand right away for her to kill.
(Some part of her recognizes the fact that Lucy is a voice in her head and that she is psychotic and unhinged to a certain extent but Quinn is good at ignoring things till she can't anymore.)
There is scoping to do first, careful research and planning - Rachel would be proud and she survives because her cooling period lasts longer. Almost sophomore year long and Quinn breathes a sigh of relief. Heading out to New York, she wasn't sure if disposing a body would be easier in a city or a small town.
Two years pass by with only a body count of six.
And then she stumbles into Rachel outside of Starbucks.
Quinn has always planned for this moment. She expects it to happen since they both occupy the same city but at the same time, New York is huge and Rachel and her? Just small, insignificant small towners trying to make it big.
"Coffee?" Quinn suggests before Rachel can launch into a long spiel about how great is it to see Quinn again. "My treat."
They bond over trivial things. Finn taking over the shop back home segues into the two of them laughing over high school romances and how hung up the two of them were on Finn. That eventually flows into talk about the whole fiasco that was Beth and Shelby adopting her.
At this point, Quinn is studying Rachel carefully to see her reaction about her mother abandoning her and although Rachel is significantly quieter during this part, nothing changes. Still, Quinn rests her hand gently on top of Rachel's as a comforting measure that shocks the both of them. The grateful smile Rachel sends her way is worth it though.
It's weird how she's sitting here talking to Rachel without hateful insults. Animosity sizzled into non-existence during senior year and the two of them grew closer. Close enough that Quinn almost regrets not keeping in touch after. She has Santana and Rachel has Kurt but still, they could both use another grounder.
"Do you want to come back to my place?" Rachel asks once their done with coffee and realize that it's late.
Quinn shrugs. "Sure."
The walk back to Rachel's apartment is comfortable, she laughs along to Rachel's jokes and adorableness but once the door swings open and they're both in Rachel's apartment, Quinn presses Rachel up against the wall and kisses her. Gentle and tentative at first, curious to see if the brunette will respond.
She's surprised when Rachel does and maybe the fact that she stops kissing and sort of stares at Rachel clues the other girl into that.
"Julliard is experimental," Rachel shrugs as if it's nothing.
Quinn never saw Rachel as a person to engage in empty one night stands but she's never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth.
That's not the last time and the body count starts to rise the more often she hangs out with Rachel.
Eventually the two of them make the transition from regular hook ups to something more. Quinn doesn't think she's in love with Rachel but she does love the girl. Something draws her in closer and she finds herself doing big, emotional, grand gestures for the brunette because Rachel appreciates things like that.
Quinn takes Rachel out on dates and encourages the girl when she feels down. She dotes, she smiles and she lets Rachel con her into things because they're together. It's easy and she knows how to fake it till she makes it because Rachel is significant as a, in a cruel word, cover.
She has a substantial amount of friends to fool and to use to fool other people. Santana came to New York too and she spends time with her and engages in regular phone conversations with Brittany every so often. Kurt stops by sometimes since she's Rachel's girlfriend now - and every time, he comments about her dingy apartment with peeling paint and ugly colors need a make over. Quinn even goes so far to meet with Puck during breaks back to Lima and they bond during the drives to see Beth.
Nobody would ever think of Quinn Fabray as a murderer. Quinn hates labels but she knows she's classified as a serial killer at this point simply because she's taken the lives of more than a handful of people. Not that the police have really connected that all those bodies belong to her.
Not that people have found all the bodies, either.
Quinn shows up at Rachel's apartment after disposing of a body. She doesn't even realize that it's two in the morning or that the brunette has classes in the morning or that she probably looks like a mess. Barely has the mind to check if she's covered in blood or not. The one thing Quinn knows though is that she's incredibly horny (it's a pattern, stalk, kill and then fuck) and now that she has a regular to depend on, she's going to use her.
Rachel stares at her with confusion in those bleary eyes but Quinn wants Rachel (or at least what the brunette offers - love, acceptance) too much to care what Rachel wants.
Quinn knows she toes the edge. Sometimes, she's not sure whether or not she's fucking Rachel or making love to her. It's hard, in the heat of things, to contain those thoughts. When Rachel is writhing underneath her, arching into her, flicker of images pop into her head.
Something inside of her craves using that trusty Swiss army knife on Rachel. Tracing the intimate parts of Rachel with the sharp tip of her knife. Quinn wants to make her bleed, wants to carve into Rachel's delicate skin and make her body into art.
Thinking of hurting Rachel turns her on so fucking much. So much more then when she's torturing her other victims.
She wakes up Rachel - dangerous, some part of her notes - for another bout of sex and hopes that soothes the pounding in between her legs, inside of her.
It doesn't.
In the aftermath of their sexual escapades, Quinn lays there, arm wrapped possessively around a tanned waist. Rachel's body is tucked into hers and her blood is pumping even though she should be exhausted. The urge (to kill, not for sex, although sex does help) is stirring in her veins again already and she knows that if she stays too long, Rachel will be her next victim.
She needs to run.
She can never win, Quinn muses as she disentangles her legs from Rachel and a soft noise leaves the brunette and fuck. The brunette looks so vulnerable and innocent and Quinn wants to ruin her. So badly.
Quinn dresses quickly in the jeans she came over with, finds her bra scattered somewhere around the room and tugs her sweater over a t-shirt. Generic, typical wear. There's dozens of people roaming through the streets dressed like her at this time. No one would be able to pinpoint one distraught, screwed up blonde.
Once she's a couple blocks away from Rachel's apartment, she slows down and her hand scrambles up her chest to play with the cross hanging from her neck. It's to occupy her fingers when they can't slide over the smooth sleekness of her trusty knife.
She finds it ironic sometimes. Quinn and religion don't get along. Praying is non-existent most days now, God has never helped her but sometimes, she still prays. When it comes to Rachel.
She prays for Rachel to still be alive in the morning.
On the rare days when she wakes up before Rachel in the morning, she simply lies there, elevated by her elbow with her chin resting on her palm and it should be sweet and cute. Minus the fact her thoughts are distorted by how Rachel would react if she woke to a pillow being placed over her face to suffocate her.
And sometimes she can't help that slow, small smirk that worms onto her face.
She can't help that the thought of gutting Rachel is good - but horrible at the same time.
People end up dead so Rachel can live. Twisted, but it's life and it's how Quinn shows she cares, even if Rachel doesn't know that.
Wandering home from classes one day, Quinn sees a lady with a child about Beth's age and suddenly there's so much anger flowing through her. Not at Puck for getting her pregnant before she was ready because those issues have settled a long time ago when they agreed to see Beth but at Shelby for abandoning Rachel in favour of Beth.
Quinn feels offended on Rachel's behalf and wants to defend the brunette.
Immediately, she backtracks and heads the way she came, fearful that she will unconsciously begin to stalk this woman and take out her frustrations on a stranger instead of Shelby. Not that she would ever hurt Shelby because that would hurt Beth and she cares for the little girl in her own way. Twisted, maybe, but she still cares.
What throws her off about this whole scenario is the fact Lucy is urging her to kill for Rachel - or is it her that wants to bathe in blood this time around?
Quinn has always taken lives to save Rachel from Lucy's frustration and restlessness and it makes her wonder sometimes if she's cultivating Rachel to be the supernova of her murders when Rachel is up on Broadway and famous. Her final curtain call because she knows if Rachel goes missing, then she has to disappear or be caught and there's a trail of dead bodies behind her.
In a way, that idea would be fitting. The supernova of her kills being a star like Rachel.
Maybe that's why she feels so protective and possessive of Rachel. Yes, that's it, she reasons. Not because she actually likes Rachel.
That mixture of possessive and protectiveness spikes when Quinn realizes Rachel is being stalked. And really, no one stalks her girl - except maybe her but she would rather walk beside Rachel than trail like a lost puppy after her.
She doesn't notice at first but after several times of feeling like she's being watched when she's with Rachel, she does end up stalking the brunette. Well, stalking the stalker that's stalking her girl, once she figures out who it is.
That problem does not last very long.
Quinn goes to visit Rachel after the deed is done. Something she has been doing more and more often and although Rachel never voices her questions about why she shows up after midnight insatiable, Quinn does see the question in Rachel's eyes. Sometimes, the blonde forces herself to just cuddle instead.
Her fingers trace the rim of the ring, a small token she took from her victim as she waits for Rachel to open the door and when it does, she shoves the ring into her pocket while her left hand withdraws from behind her back.
"Hey," Quinn smiles, holding out a single white tulip because if there's one person who she wishes forgiveness from, it's Rachel.
"Romancing me in the middle of the night, Quinn?" Rachel asks, incredulously. "Really?"
"Does that mean you're romanced?" Quinn questions in response, arching a brow.
"Thoroughly. Where is my box of chocolates though?"
"Uh..."
"I expect flowers and a vegan box of Belgium chocolate, Quinn," Rachel tuts but she steps back all the same to allow the blonde in.
"Geez," she groans. "So demanding."
"You were the one who wanted to pursue romantic relations with me," Rachel reminds her as she settles back into bed and watches as Quinn strips down to her underwear. "I was content with what we had."
"I doubt that."
"Okay, so maybe I wasn't content but at least I had you on weekends, okay?"
"Actually, I think you had me more then just the weekends. For breakfast, lunch and dinner," Quinn laughs as she settles underneath the blankets and Rachel sinks into her. "Insatiable devil you were."
"Still am."
"So does that mean -"
"No."
"But -"
"No."
"Can't you at least let me finish?"
"I need my beauty sleep, Quinn Fabray," Rachel says to her in that voice that makes Quinn feel just a tad bit whipped.
"But you're beautiful without it," Quinn grumbles, pressing a kiss to the top of Rachel's head.
"Are you trying to make up for the chocolates?"
"Did you have your dream romance planned out since you were five?"
"Touche."
"I can't let you win all the arguments."
"You're suppose to though!" Rachel whines.
"Just because I like you does not mean I'm going to let New York face a leash-less Rachel Berry," Quinn quips back easily.
"Go to sleep," the brunette orders.
"Sore loser," Quinn mutters with a smile.
Everything goes fine.
Quinn has graduated Columbia and Rachel, although struggling to endure rejection after rejection, eventually does end up getting a small part in an off-Broadway show.
Their life is fine, more than that. Quinn knows how to teeter precariously on a normal life and the one she has at night. Dysfunctional at times, but she's never known true normality - except maybe when she's fingers or tongue deep in Rachel and it just feels like she's a regular girl with a regular girlfriend.
It goes to hell just as fast as it was fine.
Rachel is on a long spiel about something another and Quinn has zoned out on the other girl. In her mind, she's simply wondering how long she has till she feels the need to kill again. Lately, she's been putting it off till the last moment to try and ween herself off. Dangerous and hard work but it's working. Sort of.
Quinn finally notices Rachel is looking at her expectantly, while holding something. A box. The blonde's breath catches as she realizes what box that is and wonders where she last left it. Her hand automatically reaches into her sweater to dig into her secret pocket for her knife when she realizes she isn't wearing that jacket.
"What is this?" Rachel asks, holding the box out to her.
"A box," Quinn replies carefully.
Rachel opens it up - something Quinn has only ever done and even then, only when she needs to place a new token inside. Never to see them but now she has, in the light of the day. She curses. Not careful, not careful.
The items have piled up over the years and they make Quinn realize just how often she's been killing lately in order to keep Rachel safe only for everything to dwindle away when the brunette makes a stupid mistake.
"What's all this?" Rachel then asks and the question distracted her from her thoughts, marginally.
"Stuff," Quinn attempts to swipe the box from Rachel's grasp but the brunette pulls away from where she was semi-leaning against the blonde.
Rachel thumbs through the items and Quinn is suddenly feeling possessive of them. Small things, nothing noticeable from her victims but they paint her history.
"A wedding ring?"
Quinn stiffens and tries to find someway to play it off.
"I -"
"When were you going to propose?"
She stares blankly at Rachel. Then at the ring. Back at Rachel.
Right.
"Well, eventually..." Quinn supplies. Lucy is bristling though and her eyes are searching for the location of her jacket and that trusty Swiss army knife she chose when she was sixteen.
"Shouldn't this be in a box or something?" Rachel asks obliviously. "I would like my future ring to be cared for properly."
"Whatever you say, Rach," Quinn mumbles in response. She stands up and Rachel looks at her confused.
"Where are you going?"
"Grabbing something."
"And why are there three other wedding rings in here!" Rachel calls out, following Quinn.
Mistake.
Quinn's found her jacket, hidden behind other clothes in her closet, and she has her knife in her hand and as Rachel rounds into her room, she rams into the brunette and pins her against the wall. Rachel barely has the time to gasp before the blade is held against her throat. These are the moments when she's not sure if it's her or Lucy that wants to leave marks on that smooth column of skin, although she hovers uncertainly on whether she wants to mark it with her mouth or her knife.
Rachel stiffens in her grasp when Quinn doesn't let her go - or do anything.
"Q-Quinn?"
"S-shut up," Quinn bites out, resting her forehead on Rachel's shoulder and closing her eyes. Never has she felt so out of control till now. Where she's literally holding a knife against the only person she has let in since forever. The one who always believed in better than Finn or Puck or Sam or whatever train wreck it was that week.
Honestly, she wonders how Finn never ended up on the opposite end of her knife. She can imagine the lines of blood. She can imagine the art she could create on his skin but his popularity saved him. Too noticeable and Quinn is careful.
"I love you, you know?" Quinn whines piteously. The buzz in her veins. She needs to calm it down but Lucy is reminding her that Rachel knows and that cannot be allowed.
"While, I never imagined this as the scenario when you finally reveal that but yes," Rachel squeaks out nervously.
Quinn tilts her head to the side to press a kiss against Rachel's neck and murmurs, "Do you regret it now?"
"You are not making sense, Quinn."
The blonde barks out harsh laughter. "You expect me to make sense now?"
"Well..."
Rachel was her downfall in high school. Rachel is her downfall now.
"I'm sorry."
The brunette immediately panics.
"Wait," Rachel screeches out, pressing farther into the wall. "Let's talk -"
Quinn clocks Rachel in the head with the butt of the knife and lets the blade fall to the ground and skitter underneath the bed. Taking a moment, she hauls the girl to bed and tucks her in before running off. It's truly unfortunate that Rachel happens to be in her apartment.
She ends up at a bar after calling Santana to join her because she can't have sex. Well, she could but some part of her is instantly repulsed at the thought of cheating on Rachel. And she very well can't kill someone. Well, she could and she figures Lucy would go away if she did but Quinn suddenly can't.
So she drinks and hopes that she isn't endangering Santana.
Her best friend from high school takes one look at her and states, "You and Rachel are fighting."
"Not exactly," Quinn responds, waving a hand at the bartender to refill her drink.
"But close?" Santana takes a seat beside her. "Not getting trashed by the way. I have work tomorrow at seven."
"Whatever floats your boat," Quinn shrugs her shoulders and tips the shot back.
"So why are you getting trashed?"
"If you're just going to question me, get the hell out," she snaps, whipping her head to glare at Santana.
"Calm, tiger."
I think you wouldn't like it if I wasn't.
Rachel is gone by the time she shows up at her apartment in the morning.
I should not be allowed to write between the hours of 12-3am. Also, I settled for middle ground at the end because every scenario I thought of = Rachel brutally murdered. So. Um, yeah. Title came from Blindness by Metric and the sub-title came from Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars. R&R.
Fandom: Glee
Rating: M. Violence and sexual themes.
Pairings: Rachel/Quinn
Word Count: 5kish.
Spoilers: AU.
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Summary: Serial Killer!Quinn. Lucy is a murderer and Quinn is the protector. Rachel is just her lifelong downfall.
you gave me a life i never chose
your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
It's the last year of middle school. She's still Lucy Quinn Fabray, instead of Quinn no-middle-name Fabray. A pudgy little girl with braces and an ugly nose, sitting alone in her bed, staring contemplatively at the little goldfish swimming around in the container on her desk. The fish looks relatively happy with a simply life.
Lucy doesn't exactly recall standing up and grabbing the tank, cradling the glass close to her body. Heading to the washroom, she shoves the jar onto the counter before turning around to lock the door. Nobody is home but there's nothing wrong with being careful. Deliberately, she tips the container into the sink before she stands there and waits.
Waits as the water slowly trickles down the drain and the goldfish is left to flop around in the sink, seeking air to survive and finding none. Hazel eyes, flecked with green and blue, are avidly trained on the fish, gills opening helplessly. A part of her wants to help, but another part of her shoves that urge away.
Eventually, the orange colored fish stops moving and Lucy takes it as a sign that it's dead. Her hand reaches into the sink to grab it. Feeling the scales brush roughly against her delicate skin, she cradles it gingerly for only a moment before she throws it into the toilet, scrambling to flush it a second later.
The trance-like state disperses after she methodically picks up the container that use to house her fish and brings it back to her desk. Blinking in confusion, Lucy doesn't recall what just happened but she doesn't spend much longer thinking about it as she hears keys jingling in the lock and the front door swings open. Parents are home.
Later, bits and pieces come back to her. Lucy knows fundamentally what happened. She purposely killed the fish. The Lucy then just doesn't understand why she did it.
Quinn doesn't remember every single detail till years later. Accompanying that is why she did it and the exact words to the prayer she sends up to God eventually.
Everything changes after. Lucy pleads with daddy to let her get a nose job and although he looks at her horrified like someone is possessing his little girl, agrees. The year is spent changing. Her personality goes first - no more sweet, nice little girl. Next is her appearance - no more braces or extra weight or glasses. Gone, gone, gone. She discovers her love of sports and is determined to keep the good changes.
No more Lucy, Quinn thinks at first but boy is she wrong.
They move during the summer. To Lima, Ohio.
Quinn has done her research on McKinley High and enrolls into cheer-leading camp during the summer. Inevitably, it's where she meets Santana and Brittany (even then, they were always SantanaandBrittany). At first, Quinn's hackles raise at Santana's stand-offish behavior but Brittany tempers that and Quinn decides then and there that she is going to be permanent friends with them. Santana wouldn't be Lucy's first choice but it's the right choice for Quinn. Faking it till she makes it.
Most of it is smooth sailing, Brittany makes Santana softer and eventually, Quinn just becomes immune to all of Santana's insults and remarks. All of that goes to hell though.
Irrationally, one day, Quinn finds herself with the urge to want to strangle Santana. She suppose it's not unusual, technically. The other girl is an A-grade bitch but this time, something stirs in her blood that demands more. Sitting across from Santana during dinner, her eyes keep tracing up and down the smooth column of Santana's neck. Unblemished except for a carefully hidden hickey.
Would her hands fit around Santana's tanned neck?
Later, she runs off in the middle of the night because Santana had been laid out all too temptingly in the same cabin as her. She had hands and pillows, all equally sufficient - and why in the world does she want to hurt her...best friend?
She prays hard for God to rid her of this evil.
Quinn avoids Santana for days after because whatever this thing inside of her wants does not settle after a night spent out alone in the forest.
Santana comes to confront her eventually though and they break out into a fight. A few punches here and there, a bruised jaw for Quinn, a black eye for Santana. Brittany comes all too soon to draw them apart and Quinn can't find it in her to hurt the other blonde. Besides, the hum in her blood has settled as soon as her fist connected with Santana's face.
Santana glares at her while Brittany hovers over the two of them with slight tears in her eyes.
Quinn hides her smile of pleasure.
Whatever it is that hides in her doesn't bother her for awhile - at least not about Santana.
It seems like she'll be afforded a regular girl life when she walks into McKinley that first day with Santana and Brittany behind her. She's already attended cheerleading try-outs and has gotten into the National winning Cheerios. High school is set up for her already.
Except the first thing she's greeted with is a face full of ice.
Her eyes sting and she's not prepared for it. From the disgruntled noises behind her, she assumes her two friends received the same treatment. Blinking her eyes open carefully, she sees Santana already marching up to the laughing perpetrator and ripping them a new one.
Quinn allows Santana to do the dirty work and instead turns to check if Brittany is alright. Somewhere along the way, the two of them have silently agreed that no matter what happens, the two of them will always protect Brittany.
Still, she wishes the roles were reversed and she's the one destroying the other student.
The hum in her blood returns.
Later that night, a stray cat happens into the Fabray estate and she already knows what she'll do.
The blood and dirt stick underneath her nails and she spends painstaking minutes in the washroom afterward trying to scrub them out. Quinn notes that she needs to buy a shovel of some sort because it's easier burying decapitated and gutted animals with a shovel than nails.
Quinn goes to bed feeling ... happy. Not guilty like she thought she would be after tormenting and taking the life of the cat. Feeling satisfied, she decides immediately, is the best feeling. Of course, it's still night so she's still her element but come morning?
Yeah, Quinn has a mild break down in the morning.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
And the stoic blonde is back.
Quinn doesn't meet Rachel till sophomore year because she spends the majority of freshman ensuring that the rest of her high school career is set up perfectly. There will be no more slushies in her future. She will be one of the popular kids, the future head cheerleader and prom quen. Rachel doesn't matter. Rachel is a geek, an insistent, rambling, blip on her plans.
Quinn doesn't know it then, but Rachel will be her downfall - in more ways than one.
She hates Rachel right away. Not because she really does, even though she is annoyed that the girl has the audacity to try and steal Finn away from her, no, it's because when Rachel is in the vicinity, that feeling comes back. Stronger than ever. This, whatever this is, isn't satisfied by smalls kill anymore. Animals won't do, raging at her peers doesn't satiate anymore.
When she finds out that Rachel has managed to convince Finn to join loserdom, something she eventually gets dragged into as well, she loses her tight control on things. Especially after the first glee club meeting and trying to endure an hour and a half in the same room as Rachel.
It's the first time Quinn - Lucy - takes a human life.
She secretly borrows a Swiss army knife from her father and sneaks out after midnight to Lima Heights Adjacent. Santana often drags Brittany and her here so she knows her way around well enough. Besides, she's done her research ahead of time. The true Lima losers hang out high and drunk in the slums and she knows where those are.
Quinn is careful. Or at least Lucy is.
She makes sure the chosen victim is segregated from everyone else before cornering them in a dark space between two apartment complexes. Quinn is wearing leather gloves and one hand automatically clamps over the other girl's mouth while the other holds the knife against the girl's neck.
"Shush," Quinn whispers softly at the stricken look after the girl attempts to scream and push her off. "I won't hurt you."
Lie.
In this position now, Quinn is uncertain. She has only ever done this on animals before and she wonders how she wants to approach this. Slide the knife in and settle this quickly? Or prolong it and enjoy the fear that is clearly emanating from her victim? The fear gets her off but this is also her first time. She's nervous and doesn't want to be caught. The knife slides into the girl's throat after a moment of hesitation and blood begins to pour out as Quinn stumbles away.
The girl sort of gurgles as she slumps against the wall.
There is something about seeing the light fade out of girl's eyes that makes her stomach clench and a pleased look slip across her face. Quinn allows herself to relish the moment as the girl bleeds out, waiting till there's no more movement before she drops to her knees to wrap a scarf around her neck.
Taking a quick look around, she hauls the body up with a little difficulty, swinging one of the body's arm around her neck. Dead weight is really that, dead and although she struggles, she manages to pass it off as the two of them being drunk as she trudges to her car to dispose of the body.
Cop shows are helpful and although Quinn supposes it's a little cliche, she ends up burying the girl in a forest. Maybe it's cliche but she's careful to check over everything and to leave little evidence. Hours after hours of watching various shows have become helpful to her.
A bitter chuckle escapes her. If only her mother knew what those hours would help her child do.
The next day, she arrives at school with an extra skip to her step. Quinn feels rejuvenated. Fantastic. Like nothing can take her down. Not even that stupid little hobbit that usually gets her blood pounding. Everyone notices that she seems to be marginally nicer today.
All she can do is celebrate the fact that she feels fine and normal and she's going to enjoy it as long as she can because she learned after the raccoon incident that ignoring her not so better half isn't the best idea. People - or animals - get hurt unintentionally and although she doesn't particularly care for most people, she cares for her reputation.
Quinn is fine for awhile and she likes to believe that God has finally listened to her prayers but something Rachel does always tips her back. One body turns into another and another and another. Her cooling period, something she learns from Criminal Minds, shrinks throughout the time she's in high school. Sophomore, she lasts several months from one kill to the next but that might have been because of Beth. Junior year, those months shrink with each passing victim. Senior year, well...
Quinn is glad she's leaving for New York after this because people are noticing and victims are harder to come by these days. She's not too worried about being caught even though she is careful. What does she have to lose in the end?
She can already see the headlines, the look of horror and disbelief.
When she arrives in New York to attend Columbia, Quinn is beyond glad that she is away from the intoxicating influence of Rachel. Lucy, Quinn has aptly named the 'bad' part of her, doesn't demand right away for her to kill.
(Some part of her recognizes the fact that Lucy is a voice in her head and that she is psychotic and unhinged to a certain extent but Quinn is good at ignoring things till she can't anymore.)
There is scoping to do first, careful research and planning - Rachel would be proud and she survives because her cooling period lasts longer. Almost sophomore year long and Quinn breathes a sigh of relief. Heading out to New York, she wasn't sure if disposing a body would be easier in a city or a small town.
Two years pass by with only a body count of six.
And then she stumbles into Rachel outside of Starbucks.
Quinn has always planned for this moment. She expects it to happen since they both occupy the same city but at the same time, New York is huge and Rachel and her? Just small, insignificant small towners trying to make it big.
"Coffee?" Quinn suggests before Rachel can launch into a long spiel about how great is it to see Quinn again. "My treat."
They bond over trivial things. Finn taking over the shop back home segues into the two of them laughing over high school romances and how hung up the two of them were on Finn. That eventually flows into talk about the whole fiasco that was Beth and Shelby adopting her.
At this point, Quinn is studying Rachel carefully to see her reaction about her mother abandoning her and although Rachel is significantly quieter during this part, nothing changes. Still, Quinn rests her hand gently on top of Rachel's as a comforting measure that shocks the both of them. The grateful smile Rachel sends her way is worth it though.
It's weird how she's sitting here talking to Rachel without hateful insults. Animosity sizzled into non-existence during senior year and the two of them grew closer. Close enough that Quinn almost regrets not keeping in touch after. She has Santana and Rachel has Kurt but still, they could both use another grounder.
"Do you want to come back to my place?" Rachel asks once their done with coffee and realize that it's late.
Quinn shrugs. "Sure."
The walk back to Rachel's apartment is comfortable, she laughs along to Rachel's jokes and adorableness but once the door swings open and they're both in Rachel's apartment, Quinn presses Rachel up against the wall and kisses her. Gentle and tentative at first, curious to see if the brunette will respond.
She's surprised when Rachel does and maybe the fact that she stops kissing and sort of stares at Rachel clues the other girl into that.
"Julliard is experimental," Rachel shrugs as if it's nothing.
Quinn never saw Rachel as a person to engage in empty one night stands but she's never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth.
That's not the last time and the body count starts to rise the more often she hangs out with Rachel.
Eventually the two of them make the transition from regular hook ups to something more. Quinn doesn't think she's in love with Rachel but she does love the girl. Something draws her in closer and she finds herself doing big, emotional, grand gestures for the brunette because Rachel appreciates things like that.
Quinn takes Rachel out on dates and encourages the girl when she feels down. She dotes, she smiles and she lets Rachel con her into things because they're together. It's easy and she knows how to fake it till she makes it because Rachel is significant as a, in a cruel word, cover.
She has a substantial amount of friends to fool and to use to fool other people. Santana came to New York too and she spends time with her and engages in regular phone conversations with Brittany every so often. Kurt stops by sometimes since she's Rachel's girlfriend now - and every time, he comments about her dingy apartment with peeling paint and ugly colors need a make over. Quinn even goes so far to meet with Puck during breaks back to Lima and they bond during the drives to see Beth.
Nobody would ever think of Quinn Fabray as a murderer. Quinn hates labels but she knows she's classified as a serial killer at this point simply because she's taken the lives of more than a handful of people. Not that the police have really connected that all those bodies belong to her.
Not that people have found all the bodies, either.
Quinn shows up at Rachel's apartment after disposing of a body. She doesn't even realize that it's two in the morning or that the brunette has classes in the morning or that she probably looks like a mess. Barely has the mind to check if she's covered in blood or not. The one thing Quinn knows though is that she's incredibly horny (it's a pattern, stalk, kill and then fuck) and now that she has a regular to depend on, she's going to use her.
Rachel stares at her with confusion in those bleary eyes but Quinn wants Rachel (or at least what the brunette offers - love, acceptance) too much to care what Rachel wants.
Quinn knows she toes the edge. Sometimes, she's not sure whether or not she's fucking Rachel or making love to her. It's hard, in the heat of things, to contain those thoughts. When Rachel is writhing underneath her, arching into her, flicker of images pop into her head.
Something inside of her craves using that trusty Swiss army knife on Rachel. Tracing the intimate parts of Rachel with the sharp tip of her knife. Quinn wants to make her bleed, wants to carve into Rachel's delicate skin and make her body into art.
Thinking of hurting Rachel turns her on so fucking much. So much more then when she's torturing her other victims.
She wakes up Rachel - dangerous, some part of her notes - for another bout of sex and hopes that soothes the pounding in between her legs, inside of her.
It doesn't.
In the aftermath of their sexual escapades, Quinn lays there, arm wrapped possessively around a tanned waist. Rachel's body is tucked into hers and her blood is pumping even though she should be exhausted. The urge (to kill, not for sex, although sex does help) is stirring in her veins again already and she knows that if she stays too long, Rachel will be her next victim.
She needs to run.
She can never win, Quinn muses as she disentangles her legs from Rachel and a soft noise leaves the brunette and fuck. The brunette looks so vulnerable and innocent and Quinn wants to ruin her. So badly.
Quinn dresses quickly in the jeans she came over with, finds her bra scattered somewhere around the room and tugs her sweater over a t-shirt. Generic, typical wear. There's dozens of people roaming through the streets dressed like her at this time. No one would be able to pinpoint one distraught, screwed up blonde.
Once she's a couple blocks away from Rachel's apartment, she slows down and her hand scrambles up her chest to play with the cross hanging from her neck. It's to occupy her fingers when they can't slide over the smooth sleekness of her trusty knife.
She finds it ironic sometimes. Quinn and religion don't get along. Praying is non-existent most days now, God has never helped her but sometimes, she still prays. When it comes to Rachel.
She prays for Rachel to still be alive in the morning.
On the rare days when she wakes up before Rachel in the morning, she simply lies there, elevated by her elbow with her chin resting on her palm and it should be sweet and cute. Minus the fact her thoughts are distorted by how Rachel would react if she woke to a pillow being placed over her face to suffocate her.
And sometimes she can't help that slow, small smirk that worms onto her face.
She can't help that the thought of gutting Rachel is good - but horrible at the same time.
People end up dead so Rachel can live. Twisted, but it's life and it's how Quinn shows she cares, even if Rachel doesn't know that.
Wandering home from classes one day, Quinn sees a lady with a child about Beth's age and suddenly there's so much anger flowing through her. Not at Puck for getting her pregnant before she was ready because those issues have settled a long time ago when they agreed to see Beth but at Shelby for abandoning Rachel in favour of Beth.
Quinn feels offended on Rachel's behalf and wants to defend the brunette.
Immediately, she backtracks and heads the way she came, fearful that she will unconsciously begin to stalk this woman and take out her frustrations on a stranger instead of Shelby. Not that she would ever hurt Shelby because that would hurt Beth and she cares for the little girl in her own way. Twisted, maybe, but she still cares.
What throws her off about this whole scenario is the fact Lucy is urging her to kill for Rachel - or is it her that wants to bathe in blood this time around?
Quinn has always taken lives to save Rachel from Lucy's frustration and restlessness and it makes her wonder sometimes if she's cultivating Rachel to be the supernova of her murders when Rachel is up on Broadway and famous. Her final curtain call because she knows if Rachel goes missing, then she has to disappear or be caught and there's a trail of dead bodies behind her.
In a way, that idea would be fitting. The supernova of her kills being a star like Rachel.
Maybe that's why she feels so protective and possessive of Rachel. Yes, that's it, she reasons. Not because she actually likes Rachel.
That mixture of possessive and protectiveness spikes when Quinn realizes Rachel is being stalked. And really, no one stalks her girl - except maybe her but she would rather walk beside Rachel than trail like a lost puppy after her.
She doesn't notice at first but after several times of feeling like she's being watched when she's with Rachel, she does end up stalking the brunette. Well, stalking the stalker that's stalking her girl, once she figures out who it is.
That problem does not last very long.
Quinn goes to visit Rachel after the deed is done. Something she has been doing more and more often and although Rachel never voices her questions about why she shows up after midnight insatiable, Quinn does see the question in Rachel's eyes. Sometimes, the blonde forces herself to just cuddle instead.
Her fingers trace the rim of the ring, a small token she took from her victim as she waits for Rachel to open the door and when it does, she shoves the ring into her pocket while her left hand withdraws from behind her back.
"Hey," Quinn smiles, holding out a single white tulip because if there's one person who she wishes forgiveness from, it's Rachel.
"Romancing me in the middle of the night, Quinn?" Rachel asks, incredulously. "Really?"
"Does that mean you're romanced?" Quinn questions in response, arching a brow.
"Thoroughly. Where is my box of chocolates though?"
"Uh..."
"I expect flowers and a vegan box of Belgium chocolate, Quinn," Rachel tuts but she steps back all the same to allow the blonde in.
"Geez," she groans. "So demanding."
"You were the one who wanted to pursue romantic relations with me," Rachel reminds her as she settles back into bed and watches as Quinn strips down to her underwear. "I was content with what we had."
"I doubt that."
"Okay, so maybe I wasn't content but at least I had you on weekends, okay?"
"Actually, I think you had me more then just the weekends. For breakfast, lunch and dinner," Quinn laughs as she settles underneath the blankets and Rachel sinks into her. "Insatiable devil you were."
"Still am."
"So does that mean -"
"No."
"But -"
"No."
"Can't you at least let me finish?"
"I need my beauty sleep, Quinn Fabray," Rachel says to her in that voice that makes Quinn feel just a tad bit whipped.
"But you're beautiful without it," Quinn grumbles, pressing a kiss to the top of Rachel's head.
"Are you trying to make up for the chocolates?"
"Did you have your dream romance planned out since you were five?"
"Touche."
"I can't let you win all the arguments."
"You're suppose to though!" Rachel whines.
"Just because I like you does not mean I'm going to let New York face a leash-less Rachel Berry," Quinn quips back easily.
"Go to sleep," the brunette orders.
"Sore loser," Quinn mutters with a smile.
Everything goes fine.
Quinn has graduated Columbia and Rachel, although struggling to endure rejection after rejection, eventually does end up getting a small part in an off-Broadway show.
Their life is fine, more than that. Quinn knows how to teeter precariously on a normal life and the one she has at night. Dysfunctional at times, but she's never known true normality - except maybe when she's fingers or tongue deep in Rachel and it just feels like she's a regular girl with a regular girlfriend.
It goes to hell just as fast as it was fine.
Rachel is on a long spiel about something another and Quinn has zoned out on the other girl. In her mind, she's simply wondering how long she has till she feels the need to kill again. Lately, she's been putting it off till the last moment to try and ween herself off. Dangerous and hard work but it's working. Sort of.
Quinn finally notices Rachel is looking at her expectantly, while holding something. A box. The blonde's breath catches as she realizes what box that is and wonders where she last left it. Her hand automatically reaches into her sweater to dig into her secret pocket for her knife when she realizes she isn't wearing that jacket.
"What is this?" Rachel asks, holding the box out to her.
"A box," Quinn replies carefully.
Rachel opens it up - something Quinn has only ever done and even then, only when she needs to place a new token inside. Never to see them but now she has, in the light of the day. She curses. Not careful, not careful.
The items have piled up over the years and they make Quinn realize just how often she's been killing lately in order to keep Rachel safe only for everything to dwindle away when the brunette makes a stupid mistake.
"What's all this?" Rachel then asks and the question distracted her from her thoughts, marginally.
"Stuff," Quinn attempts to swipe the box from Rachel's grasp but the brunette pulls away from where she was semi-leaning against the blonde.
Rachel thumbs through the items and Quinn is suddenly feeling possessive of them. Small things, nothing noticeable from her victims but they paint her history.
"A wedding ring?"
Quinn stiffens and tries to find someway to play it off.
"I -"
"When were you going to propose?"
She stares blankly at Rachel. Then at the ring. Back at Rachel.
Right.
"Well, eventually..." Quinn supplies. Lucy is bristling though and her eyes are searching for the location of her jacket and that trusty Swiss army knife she chose when she was sixteen.
"Shouldn't this be in a box or something?" Rachel asks obliviously. "I would like my future ring to be cared for properly."
"Whatever you say, Rach," Quinn mumbles in response. She stands up and Rachel looks at her confused.
"Where are you going?"
"Grabbing something."
"And why are there three other wedding rings in here!" Rachel calls out, following Quinn.
Mistake.
Quinn's found her jacket, hidden behind other clothes in her closet, and she has her knife in her hand and as Rachel rounds into her room, she rams into the brunette and pins her against the wall. Rachel barely has the time to gasp before the blade is held against her throat. These are the moments when she's not sure if it's her or Lucy that wants to leave marks on that smooth column of skin, although she hovers uncertainly on whether she wants to mark it with her mouth or her knife.
Rachel stiffens in her grasp when Quinn doesn't let her go - or do anything.
"Q-Quinn?"
"S-shut up," Quinn bites out, resting her forehead on Rachel's shoulder and closing her eyes. Never has she felt so out of control till now. Where she's literally holding a knife against the only person she has let in since forever. The one who always believed in better than Finn or Puck or Sam or whatever train wreck it was that week.
Honestly, she wonders how Finn never ended up on the opposite end of her knife. She can imagine the lines of blood. She can imagine the art she could create on his skin but his popularity saved him. Too noticeable and Quinn is careful.
"I love you, you know?" Quinn whines piteously. The buzz in her veins. She needs to calm it down but Lucy is reminding her that Rachel knows and that cannot be allowed.
"While, I never imagined this as the scenario when you finally reveal that but yes," Rachel squeaks out nervously.
Quinn tilts her head to the side to press a kiss against Rachel's neck and murmurs, "Do you regret it now?"
"You are not making sense, Quinn."
The blonde barks out harsh laughter. "You expect me to make sense now?"
"Well..."
Rachel was her downfall in high school. Rachel is her downfall now.
"I'm sorry."
The brunette immediately panics.
"Wait," Rachel screeches out, pressing farther into the wall. "Let's talk -"
Quinn clocks Rachel in the head with the butt of the knife and lets the blade fall to the ground and skitter underneath the bed. Taking a moment, she hauls the girl to bed and tucks her in before running off. It's truly unfortunate that Rachel happens to be in her apartment.
She ends up at a bar after calling Santana to join her because she can't have sex. Well, she could but some part of her is instantly repulsed at the thought of cheating on Rachel. And she very well can't kill someone. Well, she could and she figures Lucy would go away if she did but Quinn suddenly can't.
So she drinks and hopes that she isn't endangering Santana.
Her best friend from high school takes one look at her and states, "You and Rachel are fighting."
"Not exactly," Quinn responds, waving a hand at the bartender to refill her drink.
"But close?" Santana takes a seat beside her. "Not getting trashed by the way. I have work tomorrow at seven."
"Whatever floats your boat," Quinn shrugs her shoulders and tips the shot back.
"So why are you getting trashed?"
"If you're just going to question me, get the hell out," she snaps, whipping her head to glare at Santana.
"Calm, tiger."
I think you wouldn't like it if I wasn't.
Rachel is gone by the time she shows up at her apartment in the morning.
I should not be allowed to write between the hours of 12-3am. Also, I settled for middle ground at the end because every scenario I thought of = Rachel brutally murdered. So. Um, yeah. Title came from Blindness by Metric and the sub-title came from Poison & Wine by The Civil Wars. R&R.