(no subject)

Mar 28, 2007 14:41

Hmm I've been wanting to update for quite a while. But for some reason, the "Update Journal" page crashes Firefox about 70% of the time, and makes such a fuss I give up, haha. Maybe I'll download one of those little clients that lets you update without a browser.

Things have been up and down, not unusually so.

I've decided I'm going to quit my job at Linens n Things. Alot of things have brought me to this decision. My manager, the atmosphere of the store, and most of all the fact that I'm simply not happy there. There are absolutely no creative outlets, and I don't know that I can be particularily happy in a job if I cannot be creative.

It may take me a while to find a job in which I'll be allowed to be creative. I am thinking I will apply at Beadworld. Another thing I'd like in a job is for it to be a bit more specific. By that I mean, I'd like to work in a store that really just specialises in one area. LNT is vague and massive, hahaha. From talking to several people, I've found that it's a general consensus that working in a department store isn't something that is enjoyable.

On other topics... Josh and I have been really rocky lately. I do not want to speak pre-emptively but I think it's getting a bit better now. We got along pretty well on our little four day road trip.

And on that road trip I don't believe I felt at all depressed. Mind you, within a couple of hours of being home it had all flooded back and I felt as low as usual. Hmm. I was disappointed at this, I was hoping that the euphoria of being away from things would last a little longer than that. But almost immediately things began to whiz around in my mind, making me anxious and upset. My job, my lack of friends, my weight, my education... Blech.

I don't know what I am going to do about all of this. I can't figure out how much of my troubled feelings are psychological, and self-induced. If I don't know that, I can't really put together an effective way to battle it, because outside problems and inside problems obviously need very different treatments.

I have been trying not to feel hopeless and morose. And I've tried even harder not to let little jerky things people do without even knowing it upset me much. I suppose I am far too sensitive, but I can rarely shake the horror I have at how insensitive most people are. Friends of mine know damn well I'm depressed but they tend to be more caught up in their own world to be at all concerned about me.

Of course, everyone has selfish moments. But when a friend gives me a signal they are upset I make it a point to myself to try and forget about things bothering me and focus on that person. I don't really think any of my friends do this, other than Meison, who is one of the better listeners I've known in my life. Yay for Mei!

Looking outside I see that the sky is blue once again. Maybe the spring and summer will bring some peace for me. I hope so.
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