Chuck and Chimi
I just finished this book called Killing Yourself To Live about the author (Chuck Klosterman) going to a bunch of places where rock stars died. At the beginning it had me all giggling and quoting stuff aloud to Jeanine because I thought Mr. Chuck was pretty clever, but by the middle I was pissed. Because it turns out its not *really* a book about experiencing americana, it's really about his relationships with women. A) boooooring B) saddening.
So you have this guy who you think is pretty cool, in that nice nerdy humble way, and then he starts to talk about women. And it turns out even this guy who seems down to earth can't relate to women as people. So now your choices are smart, charming guys who think women are attractive merit badges (that you incidentally get to sleep with) or *not* smart charming guys who think women are cheap-but-annoying sex toys. Where in the nines does a girl win.
Suffice to say he marred my opinion of him, though I could still appreciate him as clever, until one anecdote toward the end of the book. He is out with an old friend he calls his Nemesis and there is this really beautiful girl they are both interested in. She is paying more attention to him than his Nemesis and it is thrilling. He keeps saying "I want to kiss her" and "something is going to happen". I can relate to this feeling. There are times when the night seems to be going your way and you feel gorgeous and witty and sharp. You swear to god "this is it, this is the big night, something amazing is going to happen". and of course it doesn't.
But it's still kind of awesome.
Even though he sorts out his love triangle like a reasonable human being he is never as likable as he is in that passage.
So here is my awkward segway: There is a point in the book where Chuck is having an imaginary conversation with all the women he's loved. One of them brings up how cocky he would get when they went out together. Other men could see him with an attractive woman. She said she didn't mind, that she *liked* making him feel cool, but that his posturing was a huge part of the relationship. This brings me to Chimi. She is decidedly free of posturing.
Chimi is a friend of mine. A while back I learned she plays guitar so I asked her to play for me. I was totally blown away. She wasn't the "I know a few of my favorite songs" type. She wasn't even the "I am proficient at my instrument" type. She is actually, totally and honestly good at guitar.
I ended up going to an open mic night with her and the people were a little rude. The barista at the shop called us "kids". When Chimi got up to play and they realized she was miles better then the others I was the one who felt all "yeah. fuck you. i'm with her." and she didn't seem phased.
Later we went to a music shop together. Music shops are like auto shops in that it they instantly transform men who are just tooling around into experts and women into clueless girlfriends trailing behind. True or not, this makes me puff up and assert my right to be there (though i know way more about what i am doing in an auto shop). Chimi just fucking walks in, picks up her guitar and leaves.
In her shoes I would be all "Oh yeah. I am so great. Don't even pretend like I am not good at what I do." I posture now, as my own little self. So I really admire her lack of pretension. The unusual thing about it is this really admirable quality finds itself in her very changeable personality. I know we are friends and I am comfortable with that fact, but its is hard to know exactly where I stand. Sometimes she is silly and giggly and I get the idea we are close. Other times we run into big awkward silences. She can be mean when she is drunk and will totally call me out if i say something stupid (thought that is a good thing, I am going soft away from my family). She has made it clear that she has a hard time being honest about how she feels. She is my little chimienigma, though I am sure she would hate to hear me say it.
So you have this guy who you think is pretty cool, in that nice nerdy humble way, and then he starts to talk about women. And it turns out even this guy who seems down to earth can't relate to women as people. So now your choices are smart, charming guys who think women are attractive merit badges (that you incidentally get to sleep with) or *not* smart charming guys who think women are cheap-but-annoying sex toys. Where in the nines does a girl win.
Suffice to say he marred my opinion of him, though I could still appreciate him as clever, until one anecdote toward the end of the book. He is out with an old friend he calls his Nemesis and there is this really beautiful girl they are both interested in. She is paying more attention to him than his Nemesis and it is thrilling. He keeps saying "I want to kiss her" and "something is going to happen". I can relate to this feeling. There are times when the night seems to be going your way and you feel gorgeous and witty and sharp. You swear to god "this is it, this is the big night, something amazing is going to happen". and of course it doesn't.
But it's still kind of awesome.
Even though he sorts out his love triangle like a reasonable human being he is never as likable as he is in that passage.
So here is my awkward segway: There is a point in the book where Chuck is having an imaginary conversation with all the women he's loved. One of them brings up how cocky he would get when they went out together. Other men could see him with an attractive woman. She said she didn't mind, that she *liked* making him feel cool, but that his posturing was a huge part of the relationship. This brings me to Chimi. She is decidedly free of posturing.
Chimi is a friend of mine. A while back I learned she plays guitar so I asked her to play for me. I was totally blown away. She wasn't the "I know a few of my favorite songs" type. She wasn't even the "I am proficient at my instrument" type. She is actually, totally and honestly good at guitar.
I ended up going to an open mic night with her and the people were a little rude. The barista at the shop called us "kids". When Chimi got up to play and they realized she was miles better then the others I was the one who felt all "yeah. fuck you. i'm with her." and she didn't seem phased.
Later we went to a music shop together. Music shops are like auto shops in that it they instantly transform men who are just tooling around into experts and women into clueless girlfriends trailing behind. True or not, this makes me puff up and assert my right to be there (though i know way more about what i am doing in an auto shop). Chimi just fucking walks in, picks up her guitar and leaves.
In her shoes I would be all "Oh yeah. I am so great. Don't even pretend like I am not good at what I do." I posture now, as my own little self. So I really admire her lack of pretension. The unusual thing about it is this really admirable quality finds itself in her very changeable personality. I know we are friends and I am comfortable with that fact, but its is hard to know exactly where I stand. Sometimes she is silly and giggly and I get the idea we are close. Other times we run into big awkward silences. She can be mean when she is drunk and will totally call me out if i say something stupid (thought that is a good thing, I am going soft away from my family). She has made it clear that she has a hard time being honest about how she feels. She is my little chimienigma, though I am sure she would hate to hear me say it.