Whimsey - sorry
I'm sat here reading a very good fic by Wesleygirl - seeing distant things as if they were close and it just came to me.
I cut this cos not every one wants to read my ramblings! It's not spell checked or anything.
I already have a very fatalistic view on life and getting old, the idea of being 30 now is terafying, the flicker of time between 20 and 30 has just slipped passed. It seems like just a few moments ago I was young with my whole life ahead, irrisponcible and mad, college and friends who were starting out in relationships, late night trips in to the countryside just because we felt like it. All night raves full of pounding music and hot bodies, now most of my friends are on the end of a relationship, hanging there, or in new relationships filled with kids and bills and late nights and partying are just ghosts, memories for civilised saturday nights filled with wine and pineapple and chesse!
I'm the odd one out still with my freedom and mad hair, my ability to just drop everything and roam, no responcibilty and no-one to answer to, when its loanly I look at them and miss the company of a warm body at night but I wouldn't give up what I have.
This view I've decided is so very much part of why I love the fanfic (good fanfic) I do, even when it seems to make the problem worse. I love seening the world through the ageless eyes of Spike. I fear and hate the idea of a body that is slowing down dying as I speak. I can almost feel each cell as it slows and dies. Each day and experience is never enough, so much world to see and so many things to do, ride a camel, smell the spice in a arabian market, walk the pyramids at night, see the colours of the northern lights, see birds of paradise in the jungle, watch a monkey in the wild, feel the sun on my face in the serangeti, meet new cultures and try them out for a while, see it they fit, so much to try and do.
The age of 80 and incontence and old people homes, a nightmare I won't subject myself too.
Burn brightly but shortly. My mother oftern wonders why I do all the things I do, sail single handed my 26ft boat, rock climb, party all night, travel to distant places on my own. I don't want to die but I do hope that when the time comes its doing something I love - freedom.
Sorry in a very contemplatative mood to night, not the kind of thing I normally put in here.
*hugs* hope you are all well where ever you are. One life, live it, my motto.
I cut this cos not every one wants to read my ramblings! It's not spell checked or anything.
I already have a very fatalistic view on life and getting old, the idea of being 30 now is terafying, the flicker of time between 20 and 30 has just slipped passed. It seems like just a few moments ago I was young with my whole life ahead, irrisponcible and mad, college and friends who were starting out in relationships, late night trips in to the countryside just because we felt like it. All night raves full of pounding music and hot bodies, now most of my friends are on the end of a relationship, hanging there, or in new relationships filled with kids and bills and late nights and partying are just ghosts, memories for civilised saturday nights filled with wine and pineapple and chesse!
I'm the odd one out still with my freedom and mad hair, my ability to just drop everything and roam, no responcibilty and no-one to answer to, when its loanly I look at them and miss the company of a warm body at night but I wouldn't give up what I have.
This view I've decided is so very much part of why I love the fanfic (good fanfic) I do, even when it seems to make the problem worse. I love seening the world through the ageless eyes of Spike. I fear and hate the idea of a body that is slowing down dying as I speak. I can almost feel each cell as it slows and dies. Each day and experience is never enough, so much world to see and so many things to do, ride a camel, smell the spice in a arabian market, walk the pyramids at night, see the colours of the northern lights, see birds of paradise in the jungle, watch a monkey in the wild, feel the sun on my face in the serangeti, meet new cultures and try them out for a while, see it they fit, so much to try and do.
The age of 80 and incontence and old people homes, a nightmare I won't subject myself too.
Burn brightly but shortly. My mother oftern wonders why I do all the things I do, sail single handed my 26ft boat, rock climb, party all night, travel to distant places on my own. I don't want to die but I do hope that when the time comes its doing something I love - freedom.
Sorry in a very contemplatative mood to night, not the kind of thing I normally put in here.
*hugs* hope you are all well where ever you are. One life, live it, my motto.