(no subject)
It’s been how long? I don’t have an idea. I’ve lost most track of time inside this cell. Every day is long, and every night is painful. I sleep very little now, the pain in my stomach from lack of food keeps me awake most of the night. They bring us water though, once a day and we have to ration it. You can’t exactly drink yourself full in these conditions but I refuse to complain about it.
My brother became even more withdrawn, and I cannot say I blame him. I’m surprised he still wants to see my face after what I put him through. He’s stated many times he is not angry at me, but I don’t know how I can believe that. If I try to make a conversation he shrugs me off - as if I were a stranger. Kankuro is very complicated - although none of my family members were easy to live with, ya’know - but this is one of the way he deals with life. He doesn’t let anyone close to him, besides Gaara and me and now I’ve been cast to the “outsiders” list.
I’m not angry. It hurts me to know he hates me, but again - I am not angry. He keeps on sitting in the corner, staring at the door. Every now and then he’d acknowledge that I’m also present in this cell and his silence is much worse than if he was yelling at me. He stopped responding to “little brother”. It is as if he no longer deems me worthy to be one blood with him.
I know I betrayed him. I should have told Orochimaru what he wanted to know and didn’t allow Kankuro to go through all of that. I don’t blame him for hating me; I don’t blame him for feeling betrayed. I am sure my life is going to end in death at some point soon and in a way I am a bit glad. I am the eldest, and my job was to keep this family together. Instead, I just broke it. I am responsible for all of this mess; I am responsible for his pain and inevitably Gaara’s situation.
It is what it is, Kankuro used to tell me when I’d bitch about something. I am doubtful my shinobi pride and honor was worth loosing my kin.
It is what it is, little brother.
I am sorry.
My brother became even more withdrawn, and I cannot say I blame him. I’m surprised he still wants to see my face after what I put him through. He’s stated many times he is not angry at me, but I don’t know how I can believe that. If I try to make a conversation he shrugs me off - as if I were a stranger. Kankuro is very complicated - although none of my family members were easy to live with, ya’know - but this is one of the way he deals with life. He doesn’t let anyone close to him, besides Gaara and me and now I’ve been cast to the “outsiders” list.
I’m not angry. It hurts me to know he hates me, but again - I am not angry. He keeps on sitting in the corner, staring at the door. Every now and then he’d acknowledge that I’m also present in this cell and his silence is much worse than if he was yelling at me. He stopped responding to “little brother”. It is as if he no longer deems me worthy to be one blood with him.
I know I betrayed him. I should have told Orochimaru what he wanted to know and didn’t allow Kankuro to go through all of that. I don’t blame him for hating me; I don’t blame him for feeling betrayed. I am sure my life is going to end in death at some point soon and in a way I am a bit glad. I am the eldest, and my job was to keep this family together. Instead, I just broke it. I am responsible for all of this mess; I am responsible for his pain and inevitably Gaara’s situation.
It is what it is, Kankuro used to tell me when I’d bitch about something. I am doubtful my shinobi pride and honor was worth loosing my kin.
It is what it is, little brother.
I am sorry.