Its been awhile.
I have so much to write about, so much on my mind. To start with since my last spurt of writing my insomnia has improved some. I can count on at least 4hours of sleep at night rather then the 20minutes before my alarm is going off. My mother and I are on the rocks now more then ever, but it doesn't seem to bother me. We've never seen eye to eye and I'm just at a point where its nothing unusual to me there for it doesn't bother me.
As far as work goes, I pretty much hate it., but what I hate more is how much its not at all what I expected. I think we are designed to disagree with anything an adult figure tells us. All children wish they were older, wish they could get a job, move out, ect. Yet once you get closer and closer you can see it all for what it is. Like its on a top shelf and your little and can't truly see it but the glimpse you catch is exciting, but as you get older you can see more and more of it and it isn't until its there and you have to take it that you see you just want to go back. And I'm not just talking about work, how about when you use to think your neighborhood was the extent of the world? Can you honestly say those days weren't the best? Tearing through the streets on your bike and what not...your only worry was being on time for dinner so you could go out again after you ate. Or how about a not so long ago type thing? Such as calling your 'best friend' BEFORE you boyfriend or girlfriend.
I think what I miss most is how bluntly honest children are. Not a in your face type way cause their kids, they just tell you whats on their mind. Like the other day, my niece and I were getting ready to go somewhere and my younger sister came into the room with to much body spray on and she had gone a little overboard on the make-up. She asked me how she looked and knowing shes been a little fragile lately I told her she looked great and that yes the new spray smelt great. Well as soon as she passed by my niece made a little face and said "auntie whats that smell." Trying to answer her and change the subject I told her it was auntie dani's spray and asked her which hair clips she wanted. But she was no longer interested in her hair. She called to Danielle, at this my sister turned and looking up at her my niece giggled and said " grammy was right you do always put to much black stuff on your face." This little girl is not mean and had it been anyone else i doubt she would've said anything and rather then being hurt my sister washed some of the make-up off and changed her top to get rid of the smell of the spray. Kids don't sugar coat anything but their cereal and they don't waste time stepping around feelings.
... so I've pretty much written a book here. So I'm off to read for a bit, maybe have some cheesecake and wait for becca to call. I miss her. :'(