FIC: Goodbye My Baby
Title: Goodbye My Baby
Author: Mel (tellingasecret)
Fandom: Will & Grace
Pairing: Karen/Stan
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Feedback: Is always welcomed. Constuctive criticism is much appreciated and no flames please.
Summary: Karen suffers a miscarriage, but her friends and Stan didn't even know she was pregnant.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters and I am not making any profit from this story. It is for entertainment purposes only.
Notes: None.
"Karen, when are you getting home tonight?"
Karen sighed and looked up from her vanity, a mascara wand paused halfway towards her face as she glanced at her husband and went back to applying her makeup, "I don't know, honey. We're going out to dinner and who knows what will happen after we get back to their place. I may just end up spending the night if it's too late, so don't wait up."
Stan shook his head, "I wasn't planning on it, since you rarely come home on the nights you go out with Jack and the others." He fixed his tie and walked over to her, bending down to kiss her forehead before straightening up. "Gave a great time, sweetheart, and I'll maybe see you later tonight."
Karen grinned up at him impishly, "Don't count on it, honey."
She watched him smile at her and then exit the bedroom, leaving her alone as she finished up her makeup and checked her hair one last time before she stood up, heading over the full-length mirror on the other side of the room. She surveyed her appearance, turning to the side and briefly thought about changing, but she was in no mood to look through her hundreds of outfits and change out of her dress. She sighed, running a hand over her stomach to flatten out the dress and turned on her heel, grabbing her purse and heading for the limo waiting for her downstairs.
--- --- ---
"Where should we go to dinner?" Will asked, coming in from the bedroom and looking at Grace and Jack sitting at the table.
"How about Chinese?" Grace asked, looking through various pamphlets.
"I just had Chinese last night," Jack complained, looking over at Grace and raising an eyebrow. "Wait a minute. So did you. How could you possibly want Chinese food two nights in a row?"
Grace shrugged, grinning sheepishly, "I don't know. It just sounded good. So, Chinese is out then. Any more suggestions?"
"How about sushi?" Will asked, looking over Grace's shoulder at the various pamphlets they had collected from different restaurants. It definitely made it a lot easier when it came to the group looking for a place to eat.
"We can't. Karen hates sushi," Jack said, being cut off as the front door of the apartment flew open and Karen came flying through it, "Speak of the devil."
Karen gave him a dirty look, "Don't tell me you've resorted to calling me the devil now too. I can only handle one gay a day calling me that."
"Of course, Karen," Will said, taking a seat on the couch. "We all know you're not really the devil. You're his mistress."
"Oh, you're a riot," Karen muttered, looking over at Grace. "Did anyone figure out where we're going to eat yet? And please, no Chinese."
Jack laughed while Grace shook her head, her eyes scanning the pamphlets once more, "Okay, we've established no one wants Chinese. The only other kind of food mentioned was sushi, but I know you hate sushi, so--"
"Wait a minute, honey," Karen interrupted, perching herself on the arm of the couch beside Will. “I don’t hate sushi. Where would you get an idea like that?”
“You’ve told me before that you’ve hated it. You said you couldn’t believe how anyone could eat seafood if it wasn’t cooked yet,” Grace said, raising an eyebrow at Karen. She knew she hadn’t misunderstood her friend before.
“Grace, I think I should know what I like,” Karen said, giving her a strange look. “I think sushi is a great idea for dinner tonight, if that’s what everyone is in the mood for.”
Grace, Jack, and Will exchanged a look before they finally nodded.
“Yeah, it sounds good. We had sort of originally planned to go for sushi until Grace told us you hated it, but if you don’t, then it’s fine and we finally found a place to go for dinner,” Jack said quickly, ignoring the odd looks he was getting from his friends.
“I have no idea what he said, but let’s go,” Will said, standing up and grabbing his coat.
They made it to the restaurant fairly quickly and even though it was crowded and almost impossible to get a table, as soon as Karen dropped her name, they had a waiter showing them to a private area and a large table in a matter of five minutes.
“You’ll have to teach me how to do that,” Grace whispered to Karen, smiling gratefully as she took the menu offered to her from the waiter.
“Get a rich husband, honey, and I’ll teach you everything you need to know,” Karen purred, glancing over her menu and waved the waiter away.
“So, Kare, what do you say we go shopping tomorrow and you buy me a new winter wardrobe? This is New York and it gets so cold and you know how much new clothes make me happy,” Jack said, laughing giddily and leaning over to kiss Karen’s cheek.
“Poodle, we just went shopping last weekend and I filled your closet halfway up with a new winter wardrobe. You wouldn’t have any room for anymore clothes even if I did say yes,” Karen said, exasperated.
The waiter came around again, taking drink orders, and the group looked at Karen in shock when she simply ordered water and not her usual martini or another type of alcohol they knew the restaurant served. As soon as the waiter was out of sight, they turned to Karen, who looked confused at all the attention she was getting.
“Karen, is something wrong? Why didn’t you order anything alcoholic?” Grace asked, finally breaking the silence.
Karen giggled, “Oh, honey, I can go somewhere and order something non-alcoholic to drink.” She paused, sighing as she saw her friends still looking confused. “Okay, okay.” She sighed again. “I’m going to a meeting with Stan tomorrow and apparently the guy we’re meeting is one of those pure geeks. Stan is afraid of the image the guy might get of us if I show up drunk and high, so he said no pills or alcohol until after the meeting tomorrow.”
“Wow, Karen, do you really think that is a good idea? I mean, you might cause more damage when you’re sober,” Will said, shrugging.
Karen glared at him, “Excuse me? I am perfectly fine when I’m sober. I may not be sober most of the time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what it feels like to be there.”
Will rolled his eyes while Jack leaned over to Karen, looking down her dress, “The girls are looking especially perky tonight. What did you feed them today?”
He reached over to initiate their casual fondling sessions, but as soon as his hand barely landed on the clingy material of her dress, Karen slapped his hand away, sighing irritably and turning away from him.
“Jack, stop,” she said sharply.
Jack looked slightly hurt at her rejection, but he covered it with a hard look in her direction, “Well, someone doesn’t have to be a bitch about it. Sheesh!”
Karen ignored him as the waiter returned with their drinks and to take their order. They all chose a sampler platter with several kinds of sushi on it, even a few that they all despised.
They made small talk until their dinner arrived a short time later, much to the relief of everyone.
Jack immediately reached for a California Roll while Grace poked at an oval shaped, white piece of sushi, wrinkling her nose, “Does anyone know what this is?”
Will looked at it, an eyebrow raised, “I think it might be squid, but I’m not going to taste it to find out.”
“I’ll try it,” Karen piped in, shrugging slightly when three pairs of eyes snapped to her in unison. “What? It probably is squid and it looks fantastic.”
“Go for it,” Grace said cautiously, reaching for a piece which she recognized.
Karen sighed and reached for the squid and examined it and popped the whole thing into her mouth, chewing slowly and swallowing, not looking worried, “Not bad. Needs some salt.”
Will picked up a small, reddish-colored piece of fish, which was attached to a small block of rice, and handed it to Karen, “Here, try this. I believe it’s eel.”
Karen shrugged and bit it in half while Grace’s eyes widened at her friend’s sudden liking for sushi, and ones that even she wouldn’t even try. She knew for a fact Karen had never liked sushi and now she was trying almost every type on the platter. Something wasn’t right and Grace was already confused.
“I think she’s been drinking so long she’s lost the ability to taste food. It’s the only explanation,” Will said.
“There’s no other reason. Or it may actually taste good,” Jack said, eyeing the other half of the eel still in Karen’s hand.
Karen giggled, “Oh, honey, it’s not that bad. They’re actually pretty good if you don’t think about what you’re actually eating.”
“Well then you can have all the odd ones while we eat normal fish normal people should be eating,” Jack said, separating all the odd ones to Karen’s side of the platter, which she didn’t seem to notice as she downed the octopus and sea urchin.
“So, Kare, why couldn’t Stan come tonight with us? I know Will invited him,” Jack asked.
“Oh, he had some sort of meeting to go to or something like that and he couldn‘t get out of it. I’m not really sure what it was,” Karen replied, reaching for her purse as she heard her cell phone ringing. She pulled out her phone and glanced at the number before standing up. “I’m sorry, guys, I have to take this. Excuse me.”
She made a quick exit and her three friends watched her, each frowning slightly in thought.
“She’s been acting weird tonight. Weirder than usual, I mean,” Will commented, voicing what was on all of their minds.
“She hasn’t exactly been herself after Stan practically came back from the dead, so to speak. It really affected her, but she seemed to be fine after she and Malcolm broke up and she got back with Stan. At least, I thought she was doing better,” Grace said.
“No, that’s not it,” Jack said, glancing towards the restaurant’s front door, in case Karen was coming back. “She and Stan have been having problems again. Definitely not as bad as when he was in jail and before he supposedly died; divorce isn’t an issue here, but they’re still fighting and of course, Karen doesn’t like it.”
“What exactly are the fighting about? Has she told you?” Will asked.
“I’m not going to betray her trust and tell you everything, but she did say Stan has been treating her differently since he came back. She said he’s treating her almost like she’s a little kid; he’s constantly watching over her and he’s almost afraid to touch her,” Jack explained.
“He probably scared she’s going to push him away again,” Grace said, “Before he died, she was in the process of divorcing him and he might think she’ll do it again.”
Jack opened his mouth to continue explaining, but he spotted Karen coming back into the restaurant and he fell silent, exchanging a look with Will and Grace, wordlessly telling them to stay silent. He noticed she didn’t seem to look too happy as she headed back to their table, her head bowed as she looked as if she was ignoring everyone around her.
“Kare, what happened?” he asked as she came up beside him.
Karen looked at him briefly before leaning down to pick up her purse, “Oh, uh, Stan’s leaving on an unexpected business trip and I need to go.” She paused, looking to Will. “Will, Stan’s leaving some papers behind for you. Could you come by sometime tomorrow to take a look at them?”
“Yeah, sure,” Will said, blinking in confusion. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Karen nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine, honey, but I need to go. I’m going to charge this dinner on my card before I leave, so it’s on me.”
She turned on her heel and was at the front podium, handing the man her credit card before her friends could say another word. They watched as she walked out the door only a few moments later and a look of confusion was exchanged between them at her seemingly more than unusual behavior.
--- --- ---
Will arrived at the Walker mansion the next afternoon, hoping someone was home. He knew Stan was out of town and he was sure Karen would be out of bed; it was already after two o’clock, after all. With the way she had been acting the night before, he was worried what he might find inside the mansion.
He tried the front door and wasn’t surprised to find it unlocked, how Karen often seemed to keep it, despite it being a mansion and in New York. He headed through the entrance hall, not seeing any of the maids or staff, and went to the staircase. The first place he always checked was the master bedroom, where Karen was often found when she was left at the mansion by herself.
He saw the door of her bedroom slightly open and he pushed it open, peeking in and glancing around, not seeing her anywhere in sight. He frowned and glanced down the hallway, thinking for a moment before heading downstairs and through an archway and stepped into the den, seeing Karen curled up in a plush chair in front of the fireplace. He didn’t blame her for sitting there; it was snowing outside and freezing.
He watched her for a moment, smiling slightly at how peaceful she looked as she stared into the flames, clutching a thick, wool blanket around her. She looked deep in thought and Will hesitated in interrupting her. It was so rare to see her so calm and quiet and he wanted to cherish the moment.
“Karen?” he called softly.
She turned toward him, a small smile playing on her lips as she spotted him, “I wondered if you’d ever get here, Wilma.”
Will raised an eyebrow, “I have to work, unlike you. Speaking of which, why aren’t you with Grace pretending to work? She mentioned you hadn’t even shown up today and Jack said he hasn’t seen you all day.”
She shrugged, pulling her blanket higher over herself, “I called in sick. I didn’t feel right when I got up this morning.”
“You’ve been calling in sick a lot lately, according to Grace. Maybe Stan left at the wrong time for his business trip with you home sick,” Will said, heading over to him and pulling a chair up next to her.
“I’m not dying, Will,” she replied, smirking. “Why are you here again?”
“The papers Stan wanted me to see? Remember those?” he asked, trying to give her a not so subtle hint.
Karen giggled, “Right.” She threw her blanket aside, and stood up, heading for the hallway while gesturing to Will behind her. “C’mon, honey. They’re up in the bedroom. I put them there so I wouldn’t forget them.”
“And that really worked,” Will muttered, following Karen up the stairs and into her bedroom.
She headed to her vanity and picked up two files, looking inside each one of them before holding one out to Will, “This one he said was for you to sign, but I can’t remember why. You can take a look at it and figure it out for yourself.” She held out the second folder. “This one is papers he signed that he needs you to have on file, I think.”
Will looked them over, nodding as he read a few pages from each one, “Okay, I know what these are.” He paused, looking up from the folders to Karen. “Where did Stan go to this time?”
“Chicago. He’s going to be gone for two days. He wanted me to come with him, but what would I do there?” Karen shrugged, flipping a piece of loose hair behind her ear.
“You should have gone. I know the two of you are just starting to patch things up with your relationship,” Will said, immediately regretting it as he knew Jack had told them the information in confidence, and not to be repeated back to Karen.
Karen’s eyes narrowed on him as she placed her hands on her hips, “You’ve been talking to Jack. I knew I shouldn’t have told him anything!”
“He did tell us parts of what’s going on with you and Stan, but not everything. We were just worried about you. You’ve been acting strange lately and by that, I mean stranger than usual,” Will said.
“Maybe I have been, but that didn’t give Jack any right to tell you what I had said to him in confidence,” Karen pouted.
“But he didn’t, Karen! He just told us you were having problems with Stan, which we sort of already knew. He didn’t give anything away,” Will explained, sighing heavily when Karen rolled her eyes and turned away. “He didn’t do anything wrong this time.”
He fell silent, looking down at the folders in his hand before he realized Karen wasn’t yelling at him, like he thought she would. He glanced back up at her and he frowned when he saw her leaning on her vanity, her head bowed and a hand crossed over her stomach.
“Karen?”
She didn’t answer and he stepped closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, forcing her to face him. He was even more confused when he saw her eyes tightly closed, her bottom lip between her teeth, and a mask of pure pain etched across her face.
“Karen, I’m sorry if I went too far--”
“No, Will, something’s wrong,” Karen interrupted, gasping sharply.
“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Will asked quickly, almost imitating Karen in her infamous confused moments. “Are you in pain? I think you might need to sit down.”
“Will, stop! I’m pregnant, okay?!” she blurted out, fully intending for Will to never find out. “But something is happening. This shouldn’t be happening!”
Her panicked voice wasn’t enough to bring Will out of the shock of what she had just confessed to him. Flashbacks flooded his mind and it suddenly made sense. Her constantly calling in sick to work, her sudden cravings for a food she hated, fatigue, and refusing alcohol suddenly came together. Even her brushing off Jack’s usual fondling of her breasts the night before made sense.
He managed to pick his jaw up off the floor and wrapped an arm around Karen when it looked like she was about to collapse at any moment, “How far along are you?”
“It will be three months next week,” Karen bit out, moaning as she felt sharp pains in her abdomen that she knew wasn’t supposed to be happening. “Oh God, I’ve got to get into the bathroom.”
She hurried towards the large bathroom, but closed the door before Will could follow her. He tried the knob, but found the door already locked.
“Karen, c’mon, let me in! You need help,” he called, turning towards the doorway, “Rosario!”
Karen didn’t reply, but Will could hear her heavy breathing through the door and muffled sobs. He pounded on the door again, and again, didn’t get a reply.
“Something wrong?”
Will turned sharply and spotted Rosario standing behind him, a feather duster dangling from between her fingers, “Do you have a key to this door? We need to get in now.”
“I don’t think that door has a key. What happened?” Rosario asked, glancing curiously between the door and Will.
“Karen is in there and she needs help. She’s pregnant, but something went wrong and she won’t come out,” Will explained in a hurry.
Rosario didn’t need to be told twice as she went to the door, pounding on it the same way Will had only moments before.
“Go away, Will!”
“It’s me, mami. Open the door,” Rosario instructed softly, not receiving a reply, “Miss Karen, please. I promise you I’ll be the only one who comes through the door if you open it.”
It was silent for a few moments until they heard the lock slide out of place and Rosario used the moment wisely as she turned the knob quickly, should Karen change her mind and lock the door again. She closed the door behind her and Will found himself sighing in frustration.
He didn’t know much about pregnant women, but he felt stupid for not knowing Karen was pregnant. When he thought back to the previous month, the signs were all there, but he had failed to piece them together. The main clue he should have confronted her about was her no longer drinking or taking pills. He had brought it up once and Grace had several times, but each time she had an excuse and changed the subject. He should have known something was wrong from the first time she refused to drink. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had seen her with pills or alcohol.
He had no idea why she would choose to hide this from them and he immediately wondered if Stan even knew. He had a feeling if Stan did know his wife was pregnant, he wouldn’t have left the state for a business meeting. Stan was more protective of Karen than ever since he had been back and Will had no doubt he would’ve liked to have been home constantly to look after her.
The door of the bathroom opened, and Will snapped to attention as Rosario poked her head out, looking grim, “I think you need to get the limo. She’s bleeding pretty badly and she needs to get to a hospital.”
“Oh God,” Will groaned, turning and running for the door.
--- --- ---
Will had tried countless times to contact Jack and Grace, but both of them weren’t answering their phones. He had also tried contacting Stan in Chicago, but Rosario had informed him Stan didn’t take his cell phone and wouldn’t be back for two more days.
He had been in Karen’s room the entire time, but she had remained asleep, the painkillers giving her a well-needed break from the pain she had been in. He held her hand in his, his thumb stroking over her soft skin. She looked so tiny in the large bed and her dark hair was a stark contrast to the mostly monotonous white room.
He moved restlessly on the doctor’s rolling stool, wanting more than anything for her to awaken. He was dreading explaining to her what had happened, but he needed to know she was all right. He briefly felt her fingers tighten over his and he looked up in time to see her eyes flutter and open, but it took a moment before she focused on him.
“Hey. How are you feeling?” Will asked softly.
Karen looked around the room, slightly confused at where she was before she turned her gaze back to Will, “Tired.”
“You’re not in any pain?”
“No. They gave me painkillers almost as soon as I came in here, I think,” Karen said, memories of the past hour flooding her mind. She moved her free hand down the bed and over her stomach, tears flooding her eyes at the contact. “My baby didn’t survive, did it?”
Will was shocked that she already seemed to know, but tightened his grip on her hand, “No, sweetie, it didn’t.” He felt awful calling the baby “it”, but Karen hadn’t even been far enough along to know the gender of the baby.
“I knew it,” she whispered, staring past Will to a spot on the wall behind him, “I knew something like this was going to happen. The doctor warned me something might happen since I wasn’t exactly young anymore.”
“Karen, this could happen to any woman who’s pregnant,” Will said.
“It could, but the doctor said my chances were increased since I was over forty,” Karen said, not noticing she had been very close to mentioning her age, which she hadn’t divulged to too many people.
Will was silent for a moment before meeting Karen’s eyes, “Why didn’t you tell Stan?” He paused, seeing Karen’s shocked gaze and he realized he had been right in guessing she hadn’t told him. “I knew you hadn’t, especially when he’s gone in Chicago. If he knew you were pregnant, he wouldn’t have left.”
Karen gave a small smile before looking up at Will, “I couldn’t tell him this soon. I was afraid to tell him for this very reason; that something like this would happen. I couldn’t get his hopes up again.”
“What do you mean again?” Will asked cautiously.
“Remember about eight years ago when I thought I was pregnant? I told him after I took the test and it came out negative, but I had another scare while he was in prison. I told him before the test that time and when it came back negative, he was crushed. I couldn‘t do that to him again. I couldn‘t do that to myself again,” Karen explained, running a hand over her cheeks to clear away tears escaping from her eyes.
“Karen--”
“I can’t talk about this right now. I just want to go home,” Karen interrupted, her voice catching on a sob. She ignored the IV in her arm as she brought her hands to her face, and flinching away when Will reached for her. “Don’t.”
“Sweetie, c’mere,” Will murmured, bringing her into his arms gently.
He held her against him and she clung to him, sobs wracking her whole body as she buried her face against his chest, trying to block out the pain she felt. She had thought she never wanted kids until she actually had the opportunity to have one. She had lost one of the only things she had never wanted in her life until only recently and she felt like a piece of her was gone.
--- --- ---
“Why are you packing a suitcase? Did you decide to run off to the Bahamas again?” Grace asked, standing in the doorway to Will’s bedroom.
Will glanced at her from over his shoulder as he folded a pair of pants and placed them on top of his growing pile of clothes in his suitcase, “No. I’m going to stay at Karen’s for two days, but there’s something you need to know.”
“Wait. Why are you staying with Karen?”
“That what you need to know,” Will said, sighing heavily. “As it turns out, Karen was pregnant and we didn’t know.”
“She what? You must be kidding me,” Grace said, smiling slightly.
“No, I’m not, Grace,” Will said, turning to face her. “Karen was pregnant. When I think about it now, the signs were all there, but none of us knew.” He paused. “I had to take her to the hospital earlier. She had a miscarriage.”
“Oh my God, you’re serious,” Grace said, her eyes wide. “Is she okay?”
“Physically, yes. They got her bleeding under control and she’s fine now, but mentally…not so much so. She lost her baby. I’m not sure anyone could be fine after that,” Will said, turning back to continue packing.
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“I did. Both you and Jack, but neither of you answered. I wasn’t able to contact Stan either since he doesn’t have a cell phone, but Rosario told me he’ll probably be calling tonight, so I’ll tell him then.”
“Is it really best to tell him his wife just had a miscarriage over the phone?” Grace asked sadly.
“He didn’t even know she was pregnant,” Will said. “She didn’t want to tell him and get his hopes up in case something happened. She was almost three months along, but she wasn’t showing yet and I know she was using it to her advantage to hold off on telling Stan.”
“If she’s up to it, I’ll visit her tomorrow, but I think she needs you there with her right now. Especially without Stan around, she needs someone to be there for her,” Grace said.
Will nodded, “I know.” He zipped up his suitcase, taking it in one hand as he headed for the door, kissing Grace’s cheek on his way out. “I’ll keep you posted.”
--- --- ---
“What are you reading?” Will asked, hoping not to scare Karen as he approached her in the den.
She glanced at him quickly, looking away from the book she was reading, “The Marriage of Equals.”
“Again?”
Karen smiled slightly, “It was good the first time, honey, and it will always deserve another read.”
Will came closer, sitting in the plush seat beside Karen, “How are you doing? And I want the truth. I may not always know when you’re lying, but I know you will be lying if you say you’re fine.”
Karen closed her book, placing it beside her on the table and sighing, “You’re right, Will. I don’t feel fine and I hate it.” She paused, looking away from him. “I should be pregnant right now and enjoying buying baby clothes and picking out possible names, but here I am dreading how I’m going to tell Stan and overseeing funeral plans for my baby being planned by Rosario.”
“You’re right. You shouldn’t have to be doing these things,” Will said.
“I never wanted kids. At least, I never wanted one more than when I had mine taken from me,” Karen said, wiping at her eyes. “Damn hormones.”
“Sweetie, it’s not the hormones. They’re emotions you’re more than qualified for feeling,” Will said, taking Karen’s hand in his own. “It’s okay to let it all out. It’s okay to be sad for losing your baby, Karen. No one will think less of you for doing so.”
“I can’t start crying because I know I won’t stop,” Karen admitted, taking a deep breath. “This is why I didn’t want to tell Stan I was pregnant and this is why I don’t want to tell him now.”
“Karen, you have to tell him.”
“I know,” she whispered, squeezing his hand tightly and standing up. “C’mon, honey, I need to show you something.”
She led him out of the den and up the stairs, navigating the hallways on the confusing mansion before she stopped at a door and pulled her hand out of Will’s. She reached into the pocket of her pants and pulled out a key, putting into the door and unlocked it, taking a deep breath before she pushed open the door.
She stepped inside, feeling the wall for the light switch and Will looked at her dark silhouette in confusion before light flooded the room and he looked around, stunned.
“Karen, what is this?”
“The Forbidden Room,” she said softly, her fingertips running over the wood of the crib. “I had this room turned into a nursery when I thought I was pregnant eight years ago and it never got used.”
“No one knows about this room, do they?” Will asked, his eyes wandering from the crib to the rocking chair to the large stuffed animals strategically placed around the room.
“Only Rosario and Jack. Rosie because she’ll clean in here every so often and Jack because he was too curious for his own good,” Karen explained. “I only wish this room could have be used.”
“It still might be,” Will said, looking at her sadly.
Karen shook her head, “No, it won’t be. I know that now and it’ll be easier if I just accept it now before I get hurt again.”
She turned on her heel and hurried from the room, ignoring Will’s calls to get her to return. She knew she’d never be able to go into that room again.
--- --- ---
“Karen?” Will called softly, peering at Karen curled up in her bed. “Are you awake?”
She shifted slightly before she glanced over her shoulder, her eyes barely open, “Yeah, what is it, honey?”
“Stan’s downstairs. He’s home.”
Immediately Karen’s eyes snapped open and she paled, “Will, I can’t--”
Will was beside her in a matter of seconds, his arms going around her, “Yes, you can. He’s your husband and he needs to know the truth, despite whatever problems you’re having right now.”
“I’m scared, Will.”
“You don’t need to be. He’ll understand,” Will said, sighing softly when Karen didn’t respond. “I’m going to send him up. I’ll be downstairs if something goes wrong or you need any help.”
Karen nodded silently and leaned back on her pillows, her back to the door. It had been two days since she had suffered her miscarriage, but it still hadn’t been enough time to work out how to tell her husband.
Ever since Stan had seemingly come back from the “dead”, they had been having problems, just as before. They never really fought and she knew it was the reason it left her feeling more sad than angry. Unlike their fights before, which including mostly screaming and yelling, it had turned into simply not talking. She felt more alone than ever, even when she thought Stan had been dead.
She closed her eyes, trying to relax herself as she took a deep breath. Telling Stan she had had a miscarriage was one of the hardest things she was ever going to have to do in her life and she wasn’t about to deny she was nervous. It would’ve been easier to have told him she was cheating on him, she thought wryly.
She felt herself drifting off again, barely being able to keep her eyes open. The drugs she had been given at the hospital had worn off the day before, but she had been unable to sleep. It was finally catching up with her and at the most inopportune time.
She had finally relaxed herself when she felt a hand on her arm and she jerked away, her eyes snapping open and focusing on Stan hovering over her, smiling slightly at her.
“Stan,” she breathed, pressing a hand to her chest over her rapidly beating heart.
“Hi, Karebear,” he replied, leaning down to kiss her softly. “I was going to let you sleep, but Will said you needed to talk to me. What’s wrong? Did something happen while I was gone?”
Karen took a deep breath and she could feel a pain in her stomach. She wasn’t sure if it was nerves or cramps left over from her miscarriage.
“Yeah, something did happen.”
Stan watched her, confused, as he sat down on the bed beside her, his hand stroking over her side, “Karen, you know you can always tell me anything, right?”
She nodded slowly, “I know.” She paused, afraid of her husband‘s reaction. “I had a miscarriage.”
Stan froze against her, the movements of his hand stopping, “You what?”
“I was pregnant, Stan,” she whispered. “It would’ve been three months next week.” She watched Stan for a moment, getting more and more worried when he stayed silent. “Honey, say something. Yell or scream at me, I don’t care, but you’re scaring me.”
Her voice caught on a sob and Stan finally seemed to break out of his trance as he leaned forward, bringing her into his arms and holding her tightly, “Oh, sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because…I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell anyone for this very reason,” Karen explained, looking away from him. “I was warned something might happen if I got pregnant at my…age, but when I did, I just couldn’t tell anyone, not until I had at least gotten through the first trimester. I was so afraid you would be disappointed in me.”
“Because you had a miscarriage? Karen, nothing you could ever do would ever disappoint me, especially not this. I’m more worried how you never told me and I never even suspected it.”
“No one did. I hadn’t even started showing yet,” Karen said sadly.
“Even if you knew something might happen, why didn’t you tell me? You know I would’ve been there for you, right?” Stan asked softly, pushing Karen’s hair back from her face and tilted her chin up so their eyes met.
“I didn’t want to get you excited for nothing. I did that to you when you were in prison and I couldn’t bring myself to tell you and then have something happen. It was better if you didn’t know,” Karen said.
She blinked rapidly, trying to hold back her tears once more. It was a miracle she even had any tears left to cry, she thought. Tears fell down her cheeks involuntarily and she resisted when she felt Stan’s arms come around her once more, but soon surrendered and leaned against his chest, fisting her hands in his shirt.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Stan murmured, kissing her forehead and tightening his arms around her protectively.
He leaned back against the pillows and brought Karen back with him, tucking her into his side and moving his free hand to clear away her tears before shifting it down to grasp hers, squeezing softly.
“I wanted that baby so much,” Karen finally said, her voice cracking. “I never thought I did until it was taken from me.” She paused, staring blankly at the door to her closet. “I’m never going to become a mother, am I?”
Stan was silent for a moment, trying to figure out what to say, “No, sweetheart, you might not.”
Karen nodded slightly, seemingly pacified with the answer as she fell quiet, her eyes closed tiredly.
“I love you, Karebear. Don’t you ever forget that.”
Karen smiled slightly. It was something as simple as that that had made her already feel better.
Author: Mel (tellingasecret)
Fandom: Will & Grace
Pairing: Karen/Stan
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Feedback: Is always welcomed. Constuctive criticism is much appreciated and no flames please.
Summary: Karen suffers a miscarriage, but her friends and Stan didn't even know she was pregnant.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters and I am not making any profit from this story. It is for entertainment purposes only.
Notes: None.
"Karen, when are you getting home tonight?"
Karen sighed and looked up from her vanity, a mascara wand paused halfway towards her face as she glanced at her husband and went back to applying her makeup, "I don't know, honey. We're going out to dinner and who knows what will happen after we get back to their place. I may just end up spending the night if it's too late, so don't wait up."
Stan shook his head, "I wasn't planning on it, since you rarely come home on the nights you go out with Jack and the others." He fixed his tie and walked over to her, bending down to kiss her forehead before straightening up. "Gave a great time, sweetheart, and I'll maybe see you later tonight."
Karen grinned up at him impishly, "Don't count on it, honey."
She watched him smile at her and then exit the bedroom, leaving her alone as she finished up her makeup and checked her hair one last time before she stood up, heading over the full-length mirror on the other side of the room. She surveyed her appearance, turning to the side and briefly thought about changing, but she was in no mood to look through her hundreds of outfits and change out of her dress. She sighed, running a hand over her stomach to flatten out the dress and turned on her heel, grabbing her purse and heading for the limo waiting for her downstairs.
--- --- ---
"Where should we go to dinner?" Will asked, coming in from the bedroom and looking at Grace and Jack sitting at the table.
"How about Chinese?" Grace asked, looking through various pamphlets.
"I just had Chinese last night," Jack complained, looking over at Grace and raising an eyebrow. "Wait a minute. So did you. How could you possibly want Chinese food two nights in a row?"
Grace shrugged, grinning sheepishly, "I don't know. It just sounded good. So, Chinese is out then. Any more suggestions?"
"How about sushi?" Will asked, looking over Grace's shoulder at the various pamphlets they had collected from different restaurants. It definitely made it a lot easier when it came to the group looking for a place to eat.
"We can't. Karen hates sushi," Jack said, being cut off as the front door of the apartment flew open and Karen came flying through it, "Speak of the devil."
Karen gave him a dirty look, "Don't tell me you've resorted to calling me the devil now too. I can only handle one gay a day calling me that."
"Of course, Karen," Will said, taking a seat on the couch. "We all know you're not really the devil. You're his mistress."
"Oh, you're a riot," Karen muttered, looking over at Grace. "Did anyone figure out where we're going to eat yet? And please, no Chinese."
Jack laughed while Grace shook her head, her eyes scanning the pamphlets once more, "Okay, we've established no one wants Chinese. The only other kind of food mentioned was sushi, but I know you hate sushi, so--"
"Wait a minute, honey," Karen interrupted, perching herself on the arm of the couch beside Will. “I don’t hate sushi. Where would you get an idea like that?”
“You’ve told me before that you’ve hated it. You said you couldn’t believe how anyone could eat seafood if it wasn’t cooked yet,” Grace said, raising an eyebrow at Karen. She knew she hadn’t misunderstood her friend before.
“Grace, I think I should know what I like,” Karen said, giving her a strange look. “I think sushi is a great idea for dinner tonight, if that’s what everyone is in the mood for.”
Grace, Jack, and Will exchanged a look before they finally nodded.
“Yeah, it sounds good. We had sort of originally planned to go for sushi until Grace told us you hated it, but if you don’t, then it’s fine and we finally found a place to go for dinner,” Jack said quickly, ignoring the odd looks he was getting from his friends.
“I have no idea what he said, but let’s go,” Will said, standing up and grabbing his coat.
They made it to the restaurant fairly quickly and even though it was crowded and almost impossible to get a table, as soon as Karen dropped her name, they had a waiter showing them to a private area and a large table in a matter of five minutes.
“You’ll have to teach me how to do that,” Grace whispered to Karen, smiling gratefully as she took the menu offered to her from the waiter.
“Get a rich husband, honey, and I’ll teach you everything you need to know,” Karen purred, glancing over her menu and waved the waiter away.
“So, Kare, what do you say we go shopping tomorrow and you buy me a new winter wardrobe? This is New York and it gets so cold and you know how much new clothes make me happy,” Jack said, laughing giddily and leaning over to kiss Karen’s cheek.
“Poodle, we just went shopping last weekend and I filled your closet halfway up with a new winter wardrobe. You wouldn’t have any room for anymore clothes even if I did say yes,” Karen said, exasperated.
The waiter came around again, taking drink orders, and the group looked at Karen in shock when she simply ordered water and not her usual martini or another type of alcohol they knew the restaurant served. As soon as the waiter was out of sight, they turned to Karen, who looked confused at all the attention she was getting.
“Karen, is something wrong? Why didn’t you order anything alcoholic?” Grace asked, finally breaking the silence.
Karen giggled, “Oh, honey, I can go somewhere and order something non-alcoholic to drink.” She paused, sighing as she saw her friends still looking confused. “Okay, okay.” She sighed again. “I’m going to a meeting with Stan tomorrow and apparently the guy we’re meeting is one of those pure geeks. Stan is afraid of the image the guy might get of us if I show up drunk and high, so he said no pills or alcohol until after the meeting tomorrow.”
“Wow, Karen, do you really think that is a good idea? I mean, you might cause more damage when you’re sober,” Will said, shrugging.
Karen glared at him, “Excuse me? I am perfectly fine when I’m sober. I may not be sober most of the time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what it feels like to be there.”
Will rolled his eyes while Jack leaned over to Karen, looking down her dress, “The girls are looking especially perky tonight. What did you feed them today?”
He reached over to initiate their casual fondling sessions, but as soon as his hand barely landed on the clingy material of her dress, Karen slapped his hand away, sighing irritably and turning away from him.
“Jack, stop,” she said sharply.
Jack looked slightly hurt at her rejection, but he covered it with a hard look in her direction, “Well, someone doesn’t have to be a bitch about it. Sheesh!”
Karen ignored him as the waiter returned with their drinks and to take their order. They all chose a sampler platter with several kinds of sushi on it, even a few that they all despised.
They made small talk until their dinner arrived a short time later, much to the relief of everyone.
Jack immediately reached for a California Roll while Grace poked at an oval shaped, white piece of sushi, wrinkling her nose, “Does anyone know what this is?”
Will looked at it, an eyebrow raised, “I think it might be squid, but I’m not going to taste it to find out.”
“I’ll try it,” Karen piped in, shrugging slightly when three pairs of eyes snapped to her in unison. “What? It probably is squid and it looks fantastic.”
“Go for it,” Grace said cautiously, reaching for a piece which she recognized.
Karen sighed and reached for the squid and examined it and popped the whole thing into her mouth, chewing slowly and swallowing, not looking worried, “Not bad. Needs some salt.”
Will picked up a small, reddish-colored piece of fish, which was attached to a small block of rice, and handed it to Karen, “Here, try this. I believe it’s eel.”
Karen shrugged and bit it in half while Grace’s eyes widened at her friend’s sudden liking for sushi, and ones that even she wouldn’t even try. She knew for a fact Karen had never liked sushi and now she was trying almost every type on the platter. Something wasn’t right and Grace was already confused.
“I think she’s been drinking so long she’s lost the ability to taste food. It’s the only explanation,” Will said.
“There’s no other reason. Or it may actually taste good,” Jack said, eyeing the other half of the eel still in Karen’s hand.
Karen giggled, “Oh, honey, it’s not that bad. They’re actually pretty good if you don’t think about what you’re actually eating.”
“Well then you can have all the odd ones while we eat normal fish normal people should be eating,” Jack said, separating all the odd ones to Karen’s side of the platter, which she didn’t seem to notice as she downed the octopus and sea urchin.
“So, Kare, why couldn’t Stan come tonight with us? I know Will invited him,” Jack asked.
“Oh, he had some sort of meeting to go to or something like that and he couldn‘t get out of it. I’m not really sure what it was,” Karen replied, reaching for her purse as she heard her cell phone ringing. She pulled out her phone and glanced at the number before standing up. “I’m sorry, guys, I have to take this. Excuse me.”
She made a quick exit and her three friends watched her, each frowning slightly in thought.
“She’s been acting weird tonight. Weirder than usual, I mean,” Will commented, voicing what was on all of their minds.
“She hasn’t exactly been herself after Stan practically came back from the dead, so to speak. It really affected her, but she seemed to be fine after she and Malcolm broke up and she got back with Stan. At least, I thought she was doing better,” Grace said.
“No, that’s not it,” Jack said, glancing towards the restaurant’s front door, in case Karen was coming back. “She and Stan have been having problems again. Definitely not as bad as when he was in jail and before he supposedly died; divorce isn’t an issue here, but they’re still fighting and of course, Karen doesn’t like it.”
“What exactly are the fighting about? Has she told you?” Will asked.
“I’m not going to betray her trust and tell you everything, but she did say Stan has been treating her differently since he came back. She said he’s treating her almost like she’s a little kid; he’s constantly watching over her and he’s almost afraid to touch her,” Jack explained.
“He probably scared she’s going to push him away again,” Grace said, “Before he died, she was in the process of divorcing him and he might think she’ll do it again.”
Jack opened his mouth to continue explaining, but he spotted Karen coming back into the restaurant and he fell silent, exchanging a look with Will and Grace, wordlessly telling them to stay silent. He noticed she didn’t seem to look too happy as she headed back to their table, her head bowed as she looked as if she was ignoring everyone around her.
“Kare, what happened?” he asked as she came up beside him.
Karen looked at him briefly before leaning down to pick up her purse, “Oh, uh, Stan’s leaving on an unexpected business trip and I need to go.” She paused, looking to Will. “Will, Stan’s leaving some papers behind for you. Could you come by sometime tomorrow to take a look at them?”
“Yeah, sure,” Will said, blinking in confusion. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Karen nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine, honey, but I need to go. I’m going to charge this dinner on my card before I leave, so it’s on me.”
She turned on her heel and was at the front podium, handing the man her credit card before her friends could say another word. They watched as she walked out the door only a few moments later and a look of confusion was exchanged between them at her seemingly more than unusual behavior.
--- --- ---
Will arrived at the Walker mansion the next afternoon, hoping someone was home. He knew Stan was out of town and he was sure Karen would be out of bed; it was already after two o’clock, after all. With the way she had been acting the night before, he was worried what he might find inside the mansion.
He tried the front door and wasn’t surprised to find it unlocked, how Karen often seemed to keep it, despite it being a mansion and in New York. He headed through the entrance hall, not seeing any of the maids or staff, and went to the staircase. The first place he always checked was the master bedroom, where Karen was often found when she was left at the mansion by herself.
He saw the door of her bedroom slightly open and he pushed it open, peeking in and glancing around, not seeing her anywhere in sight. He frowned and glanced down the hallway, thinking for a moment before heading downstairs and through an archway and stepped into the den, seeing Karen curled up in a plush chair in front of the fireplace. He didn’t blame her for sitting there; it was snowing outside and freezing.
He watched her for a moment, smiling slightly at how peaceful she looked as she stared into the flames, clutching a thick, wool blanket around her. She looked deep in thought and Will hesitated in interrupting her. It was so rare to see her so calm and quiet and he wanted to cherish the moment.
“Karen?” he called softly.
She turned toward him, a small smile playing on her lips as she spotted him, “I wondered if you’d ever get here, Wilma.”
Will raised an eyebrow, “I have to work, unlike you. Speaking of which, why aren’t you with Grace pretending to work? She mentioned you hadn’t even shown up today and Jack said he hasn’t seen you all day.”
She shrugged, pulling her blanket higher over herself, “I called in sick. I didn’t feel right when I got up this morning.”
“You’ve been calling in sick a lot lately, according to Grace. Maybe Stan left at the wrong time for his business trip with you home sick,” Will said, heading over to him and pulling a chair up next to her.
“I’m not dying, Will,” she replied, smirking. “Why are you here again?”
“The papers Stan wanted me to see? Remember those?” he asked, trying to give her a not so subtle hint.
Karen giggled, “Right.” She threw her blanket aside, and stood up, heading for the hallway while gesturing to Will behind her. “C’mon, honey. They’re up in the bedroom. I put them there so I wouldn’t forget them.”
“And that really worked,” Will muttered, following Karen up the stairs and into her bedroom.
She headed to her vanity and picked up two files, looking inside each one of them before holding one out to Will, “This one he said was for you to sign, but I can’t remember why. You can take a look at it and figure it out for yourself.” She held out the second folder. “This one is papers he signed that he needs you to have on file, I think.”
Will looked them over, nodding as he read a few pages from each one, “Okay, I know what these are.” He paused, looking up from the folders to Karen. “Where did Stan go to this time?”
“Chicago. He’s going to be gone for two days. He wanted me to come with him, but what would I do there?” Karen shrugged, flipping a piece of loose hair behind her ear.
“You should have gone. I know the two of you are just starting to patch things up with your relationship,” Will said, immediately regretting it as he knew Jack had told them the information in confidence, and not to be repeated back to Karen.
Karen’s eyes narrowed on him as she placed her hands on her hips, “You’ve been talking to Jack. I knew I shouldn’t have told him anything!”
“He did tell us parts of what’s going on with you and Stan, but not everything. We were just worried about you. You’ve been acting strange lately and by that, I mean stranger than usual,” Will said.
“Maybe I have been, but that didn’t give Jack any right to tell you what I had said to him in confidence,” Karen pouted.
“But he didn’t, Karen! He just told us you were having problems with Stan, which we sort of already knew. He didn’t give anything away,” Will explained, sighing heavily when Karen rolled her eyes and turned away. “He didn’t do anything wrong this time.”
He fell silent, looking down at the folders in his hand before he realized Karen wasn’t yelling at him, like he thought she would. He glanced back up at her and he frowned when he saw her leaning on her vanity, her head bowed and a hand crossed over her stomach.
“Karen?”
She didn’t answer and he stepped closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, forcing her to face him. He was even more confused when he saw her eyes tightly closed, her bottom lip between her teeth, and a mask of pure pain etched across her face.
“Karen, I’m sorry if I went too far--”
“No, Will, something’s wrong,” Karen interrupted, gasping sharply.
“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Will asked quickly, almost imitating Karen in her infamous confused moments. “Are you in pain? I think you might need to sit down.”
“Will, stop! I’m pregnant, okay?!” she blurted out, fully intending for Will to never find out. “But something is happening. This shouldn’t be happening!”
Her panicked voice wasn’t enough to bring Will out of the shock of what she had just confessed to him. Flashbacks flooded his mind and it suddenly made sense. Her constantly calling in sick to work, her sudden cravings for a food she hated, fatigue, and refusing alcohol suddenly came together. Even her brushing off Jack’s usual fondling of her breasts the night before made sense.
He managed to pick his jaw up off the floor and wrapped an arm around Karen when it looked like she was about to collapse at any moment, “How far along are you?”
“It will be three months next week,” Karen bit out, moaning as she felt sharp pains in her abdomen that she knew wasn’t supposed to be happening. “Oh God, I’ve got to get into the bathroom.”
She hurried towards the large bathroom, but closed the door before Will could follow her. He tried the knob, but found the door already locked.
“Karen, c’mon, let me in! You need help,” he called, turning towards the doorway, “Rosario!”
Karen didn’t reply, but Will could hear her heavy breathing through the door and muffled sobs. He pounded on the door again, and again, didn’t get a reply.
“Something wrong?”
Will turned sharply and spotted Rosario standing behind him, a feather duster dangling from between her fingers, “Do you have a key to this door? We need to get in now.”
“I don’t think that door has a key. What happened?” Rosario asked, glancing curiously between the door and Will.
“Karen is in there and she needs help. She’s pregnant, but something went wrong and she won’t come out,” Will explained in a hurry.
Rosario didn’t need to be told twice as she went to the door, pounding on it the same way Will had only moments before.
“Go away, Will!”
“It’s me, mami. Open the door,” Rosario instructed softly, not receiving a reply, “Miss Karen, please. I promise you I’ll be the only one who comes through the door if you open it.”
It was silent for a few moments until they heard the lock slide out of place and Rosario used the moment wisely as she turned the knob quickly, should Karen change her mind and lock the door again. She closed the door behind her and Will found himself sighing in frustration.
He didn’t know much about pregnant women, but he felt stupid for not knowing Karen was pregnant. When he thought back to the previous month, the signs were all there, but he had failed to piece them together. The main clue he should have confronted her about was her no longer drinking or taking pills. He had brought it up once and Grace had several times, but each time she had an excuse and changed the subject. He should have known something was wrong from the first time she refused to drink. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had seen her with pills or alcohol.
He had no idea why she would choose to hide this from them and he immediately wondered if Stan even knew. He had a feeling if Stan did know his wife was pregnant, he wouldn’t have left the state for a business meeting. Stan was more protective of Karen than ever since he had been back and Will had no doubt he would’ve liked to have been home constantly to look after her.
The door of the bathroom opened, and Will snapped to attention as Rosario poked her head out, looking grim, “I think you need to get the limo. She’s bleeding pretty badly and she needs to get to a hospital.”
“Oh God,” Will groaned, turning and running for the door.
--- --- ---
Will had tried countless times to contact Jack and Grace, but both of them weren’t answering their phones. He had also tried contacting Stan in Chicago, but Rosario had informed him Stan didn’t take his cell phone and wouldn’t be back for two more days.
He had been in Karen’s room the entire time, but she had remained asleep, the painkillers giving her a well-needed break from the pain she had been in. He held her hand in his, his thumb stroking over her soft skin. She looked so tiny in the large bed and her dark hair was a stark contrast to the mostly monotonous white room.
He moved restlessly on the doctor’s rolling stool, wanting more than anything for her to awaken. He was dreading explaining to her what had happened, but he needed to know she was all right. He briefly felt her fingers tighten over his and he looked up in time to see her eyes flutter and open, but it took a moment before she focused on him.
“Hey. How are you feeling?” Will asked softly.
Karen looked around the room, slightly confused at where she was before she turned her gaze back to Will, “Tired.”
“You’re not in any pain?”
“No. They gave me painkillers almost as soon as I came in here, I think,” Karen said, memories of the past hour flooding her mind. She moved her free hand down the bed and over her stomach, tears flooding her eyes at the contact. “My baby didn’t survive, did it?”
Will was shocked that she already seemed to know, but tightened his grip on her hand, “No, sweetie, it didn’t.” He felt awful calling the baby “it”, but Karen hadn’t even been far enough along to know the gender of the baby.
“I knew it,” she whispered, staring past Will to a spot on the wall behind him, “I knew something like this was going to happen. The doctor warned me something might happen since I wasn’t exactly young anymore.”
“Karen, this could happen to any woman who’s pregnant,” Will said.
“It could, but the doctor said my chances were increased since I was over forty,” Karen said, not noticing she had been very close to mentioning her age, which she hadn’t divulged to too many people.
Will was silent for a moment before meeting Karen’s eyes, “Why didn’t you tell Stan?” He paused, seeing Karen’s shocked gaze and he realized he had been right in guessing she hadn’t told him. “I knew you hadn’t, especially when he’s gone in Chicago. If he knew you were pregnant, he wouldn’t have left.”
Karen gave a small smile before looking up at Will, “I couldn’t tell him this soon. I was afraid to tell him for this very reason; that something like this would happen. I couldn’t get his hopes up again.”
“What do you mean again?” Will asked cautiously.
“Remember about eight years ago when I thought I was pregnant? I told him after I took the test and it came out negative, but I had another scare while he was in prison. I told him before the test that time and when it came back negative, he was crushed. I couldn‘t do that to him again. I couldn‘t do that to myself again,” Karen explained, running a hand over her cheeks to clear away tears escaping from her eyes.
“Karen--”
“I can’t talk about this right now. I just want to go home,” Karen interrupted, her voice catching on a sob. She ignored the IV in her arm as she brought her hands to her face, and flinching away when Will reached for her. “Don’t.”
“Sweetie, c’mere,” Will murmured, bringing her into his arms gently.
He held her against him and she clung to him, sobs wracking her whole body as she buried her face against his chest, trying to block out the pain she felt. She had thought she never wanted kids until she actually had the opportunity to have one. She had lost one of the only things she had never wanted in her life until only recently and she felt like a piece of her was gone.
--- --- ---
“Why are you packing a suitcase? Did you decide to run off to the Bahamas again?” Grace asked, standing in the doorway to Will’s bedroom.
Will glanced at her from over his shoulder as he folded a pair of pants and placed them on top of his growing pile of clothes in his suitcase, “No. I’m going to stay at Karen’s for two days, but there’s something you need to know.”
“Wait. Why are you staying with Karen?”
“That what you need to know,” Will said, sighing heavily. “As it turns out, Karen was pregnant and we didn’t know.”
“She what? You must be kidding me,” Grace said, smiling slightly.
“No, I’m not, Grace,” Will said, turning to face her. “Karen was pregnant. When I think about it now, the signs were all there, but none of us knew.” He paused. “I had to take her to the hospital earlier. She had a miscarriage.”
“Oh my God, you’re serious,” Grace said, her eyes wide. “Is she okay?”
“Physically, yes. They got her bleeding under control and she’s fine now, but mentally…not so much so. She lost her baby. I’m not sure anyone could be fine after that,” Will said, turning back to continue packing.
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“I did. Both you and Jack, but neither of you answered. I wasn’t able to contact Stan either since he doesn’t have a cell phone, but Rosario told me he’ll probably be calling tonight, so I’ll tell him then.”
“Is it really best to tell him his wife just had a miscarriage over the phone?” Grace asked sadly.
“He didn’t even know she was pregnant,” Will said. “She didn’t want to tell him and get his hopes up in case something happened. She was almost three months along, but she wasn’t showing yet and I know she was using it to her advantage to hold off on telling Stan.”
“If she’s up to it, I’ll visit her tomorrow, but I think she needs you there with her right now. Especially without Stan around, she needs someone to be there for her,” Grace said.
Will nodded, “I know.” He zipped up his suitcase, taking it in one hand as he headed for the door, kissing Grace’s cheek on his way out. “I’ll keep you posted.”
--- --- ---
“What are you reading?” Will asked, hoping not to scare Karen as he approached her in the den.
She glanced at him quickly, looking away from the book she was reading, “The Marriage of Equals.”
“Again?”
Karen smiled slightly, “It was good the first time, honey, and it will always deserve another read.”
Will came closer, sitting in the plush seat beside Karen, “How are you doing? And I want the truth. I may not always know when you’re lying, but I know you will be lying if you say you’re fine.”
Karen closed her book, placing it beside her on the table and sighing, “You’re right, Will. I don’t feel fine and I hate it.” She paused, looking away from him. “I should be pregnant right now and enjoying buying baby clothes and picking out possible names, but here I am dreading how I’m going to tell Stan and overseeing funeral plans for my baby being planned by Rosario.”
“You’re right. You shouldn’t have to be doing these things,” Will said.
“I never wanted kids. At least, I never wanted one more than when I had mine taken from me,” Karen said, wiping at her eyes. “Damn hormones.”
“Sweetie, it’s not the hormones. They’re emotions you’re more than qualified for feeling,” Will said, taking Karen’s hand in his own. “It’s okay to let it all out. It’s okay to be sad for losing your baby, Karen. No one will think less of you for doing so.”
“I can’t start crying because I know I won’t stop,” Karen admitted, taking a deep breath. “This is why I didn’t want to tell Stan I was pregnant and this is why I don’t want to tell him now.”
“Karen, you have to tell him.”
“I know,” she whispered, squeezing his hand tightly and standing up. “C’mon, honey, I need to show you something.”
She led him out of the den and up the stairs, navigating the hallways on the confusing mansion before she stopped at a door and pulled her hand out of Will’s. She reached into the pocket of her pants and pulled out a key, putting into the door and unlocked it, taking a deep breath before she pushed open the door.
She stepped inside, feeling the wall for the light switch and Will looked at her dark silhouette in confusion before light flooded the room and he looked around, stunned.
“Karen, what is this?”
“The Forbidden Room,” she said softly, her fingertips running over the wood of the crib. “I had this room turned into a nursery when I thought I was pregnant eight years ago and it never got used.”
“No one knows about this room, do they?” Will asked, his eyes wandering from the crib to the rocking chair to the large stuffed animals strategically placed around the room.
“Only Rosario and Jack. Rosie because she’ll clean in here every so often and Jack because he was too curious for his own good,” Karen explained. “I only wish this room could have be used.”
“It still might be,” Will said, looking at her sadly.
Karen shook her head, “No, it won’t be. I know that now and it’ll be easier if I just accept it now before I get hurt again.”
She turned on her heel and hurried from the room, ignoring Will’s calls to get her to return. She knew she’d never be able to go into that room again.
--- --- ---
“Karen?” Will called softly, peering at Karen curled up in her bed. “Are you awake?”
She shifted slightly before she glanced over her shoulder, her eyes barely open, “Yeah, what is it, honey?”
“Stan’s downstairs. He’s home.”
Immediately Karen’s eyes snapped open and she paled, “Will, I can’t--”
Will was beside her in a matter of seconds, his arms going around her, “Yes, you can. He’s your husband and he needs to know the truth, despite whatever problems you’re having right now.”
“I’m scared, Will.”
“You don’t need to be. He’ll understand,” Will said, sighing softly when Karen didn’t respond. “I’m going to send him up. I’ll be downstairs if something goes wrong or you need any help.”
Karen nodded silently and leaned back on her pillows, her back to the door. It had been two days since she had suffered her miscarriage, but it still hadn’t been enough time to work out how to tell her husband.
Ever since Stan had seemingly come back from the “dead”, they had been having problems, just as before. They never really fought and she knew it was the reason it left her feeling more sad than angry. Unlike their fights before, which including mostly screaming and yelling, it had turned into simply not talking. She felt more alone than ever, even when she thought Stan had been dead.
She closed her eyes, trying to relax herself as she took a deep breath. Telling Stan she had had a miscarriage was one of the hardest things she was ever going to have to do in her life and she wasn’t about to deny she was nervous. It would’ve been easier to have told him she was cheating on him, she thought wryly.
She felt herself drifting off again, barely being able to keep her eyes open. The drugs she had been given at the hospital had worn off the day before, but she had been unable to sleep. It was finally catching up with her and at the most inopportune time.
She had finally relaxed herself when she felt a hand on her arm and she jerked away, her eyes snapping open and focusing on Stan hovering over her, smiling slightly at her.
“Stan,” she breathed, pressing a hand to her chest over her rapidly beating heart.
“Hi, Karebear,” he replied, leaning down to kiss her softly. “I was going to let you sleep, but Will said you needed to talk to me. What’s wrong? Did something happen while I was gone?”
Karen took a deep breath and she could feel a pain in her stomach. She wasn’t sure if it was nerves or cramps left over from her miscarriage.
“Yeah, something did happen.”
Stan watched her, confused, as he sat down on the bed beside her, his hand stroking over her side, “Karen, you know you can always tell me anything, right?”
She nodded slowly, “I know.” She paused, afraid of her husband‘s reaction. “I had a miscarriage.”
Stan froze against her, the movements of his hand stopping, “You what?”
“I was pregnant, Stan,” she whispered. “It would’ve been three months next week.” She watched Stan for a moment, getting more and more worried when he stayed silent. “Honey, say something. Yell or scream at me, I don’t care, but you’re scaring me.”
Her voice caught on a sob and Stan finally seemed to break out of his trance as he leaned forward, bringing her into his arms and holding her tightly, “Oh, sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because…I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell anyone for this very reason,” Karen explained, looking away from him. “I was warned something might happen if I got pregnant at my…age, but when I did, I just couldn’t tell anyone, not until I had at least gotten through the first trimester. I was so afraid you would be disappointed in me.”
“Because you had a miscarriage? Karen, nothing you could ever do would ever disappoint me, especially not this. I’m more worried how you never told me and I never even suspected it.”
“No one did. I hadn’t even started showing yet,” Karen said sadly.
“Even if you knew something might happen, why didn’t you tell me? You know I would’ve been there for you, right?” Stan asked softly, pushing Karen’s hair back from her face and tilted her chin up so their eyes met.
“I didn’t want to get you excited for nothing. I did that to you when you were in prison and I couldn’t bring myself to tell you and then have something happen. It was better if you didn’t know,” Karen said.
She blinked rapidly, trying to hold back her tears once more. It was a miracle she even had any tears left to cry, she thought. Tears fell down her cheeks involuntarily and she resisted when she felt Stan’s arms come around her once more, but soon surrendered and leaned against his chest, fisting her hands in his shirt.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Stan murmured, kissing her forehead and tightening his arms around her protectively.
He leaned back against the pillows and brought Karen back with him, tucking her into his side and moving his free hand to clear away her tears before shifting it down to grasp hers, squeezing softly.
“I wanted that baby so much,” Karen finally said, her voice cracking. “I never thought I did until it was taken from me.” She paused, staring blankly at the door to her closet. “I’m never going to become a mother, am I?”
Stan was silent for a moment, trying to figure out what to say, “No, sweetheart, you might not.”
Karen nodded slightly, seemingly pacified with the answer as she fell quiet, her eyes closed tiredly.
“I love you, Karebear. Don’t you ever forget that.”
Karen smiled slightly. It was something as simple as that that had made her already feel better.