FIC: With You There's No Easy Answer (SGA, John/Rodney, AU, NC-17)
With You There's No Easy Answer
Author:
telesilla
Fandom/Pairing: SGA, John/Rodney
Series: I Only Want Your Trust
Rating: NC-17
Contains: ( skip) D/s, bondage, riding crops, spanking.
Word Count: ~7,000
Disclaimer: The SGA characters do not belong to me. Duh.
Summary: As much as John wishes it was, starting up a relationship isn't as easy falling into bed together.
Notes: This takes place on the morning right after "I Only Want Your Trust." Many thanks to
helens78 for her awesome beta job! More notes at the end of the fic.
Rodney was either genuinely asleep when John woke up automatically at 07:00 or he was faking that same soft snore John had heard on more than one overnight mission. His hand was resting on John's forearm, and John wondered if Rodney had kept a hand on him all night or if it was just a coincidence that the last thing John remembered before sleep was Rodney's hand on the back of his neck.
Moving carefully, he got out of bed without waking Rodney. It took him a moment to figure out which radio was his, but then he was grabbing it and heading for the bathroom. He took a leak, and then checked in with Chuck, who told him Elizabeth had given him him the day off.
"Doctor McKay, too. And I'm supposed to suggest you rest, Major." Chuck sounded apologetic, but John knew an order from Elizabeth when he heard one.
"Thank you, Chuck. I'll check in later."
When John went back into the bedroom, Rodney was talking into his radio. "A day off? So that's all I have to do to get one? I'll remember that next time I want time off." He paused. "Yeah, whatever, Campbell. Is Elizabeth taking the day off? Major Sheppard? How's Carson?" Another pause. "Okay. Thanks."
"Carson's doing okay," Rodney said, yawning. "What do you want to bet Elizabeth will be in her office by noon? Just to check in, of course."
"If Peter lets her."
"There is that. Speaking of checking in," Rodney headed toward the bathroom. "I'll need to send Zelenka an email."
"I thought you didn't know his name."
"Of course I know his name; I just like to keep him from getting too full of himself." The toilet flushed and then John heard the sink running.
"Like that's going to happen with you around," John muttered.
"What?" Rodney yelled.
"Nothing!"
"The sad thing," Rodney said, as he headed for his desk, "is that I've totally forgotten how to sleep in. I used to be really good at it. Napping too." He flipped his laptop open. "I bet you never nap."
"Are you kidding? I nap all the time when I'm on leave. And when I wasn't flying in Antarctica there wasn't much else to do." That he was also fairly depressed at the time was better left unsaid. "Here? Not so much; I hardly have time to get five hours of sleep in."
"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." Rodney typed for a moment and then looked up. "Do you ever eat?"
"Yes," John said, scowling at him. "I've always been thin."
"Sorry." Rodney looked down at his computer for a moment. "I just...you know. Being hypoglycemic makes me focus more on food than I should."
John, who had just been about to accuse Rodney of thinking John had some kind of eating disorder, shook his head. This was Rodney; if he really thought John had food issues, he'd have said something months ago.
"I take it that was a hint?" John said. "You want to go grab breakfast?"
"Sure," Rodney said. "You go ahead and I'll meet you there in a few minutes."
Feeling a little embarrassed that he hadn't thought of that himself, John headed for the door. He was just tired, that was all.
"After breakfast, though, we're coming back here to talk," Rodney said in a tone that didn't leave any room for argument.
"I'm looking forward to it," John said in his best fake chipper voice.
"Yeah," Rodney said, rolling his eyes. "Me too."
Usually they ate breakfast with Ford and Teyla, but today it was just Ford. "Teyla on the mainland?" John asked, sitting down.
Ford nodded. "I sent some of B squad with her and I think Dr. Z sent a couple engineers too." He looked up from up from his food. "I'd have checked with you, but Dr. Weir said not to disturb you."
"Good call," John said. "At some point yesterday, McKay and Dr. Weir were talking about putting together some teams of scientists to check out the damage done to the city. Once we know how many teams McKay wants to put together, we'll have to assign some of our people to each team."
"Yes, Major."
"Morning, McKay," John said as Rodney slid onto the bench next to him. Pleased that he sounded so normal, he continued. "We were just talking about the teams you wanted to put together to check the city out. We'll make sure you have some Marines with you."
"I want intelligent people. Also, brawny ones; most of my people aren't so good at lifting."
"I'll do my best, Doc," Ford said, giving John a very familiar "can you believe this guy" look. John just shrugged and responded silently with his own "yeah, but what are you gonna do" look.
Just a normal morning, he thought as the talk turned to the storm itself. Maybe we can do this after all.
* * *
"Um...do you want me to do that?" John asked as Rodney set up the kettle. They were back in Rodney's room after breakfast, and apparently Rodney really did think tea made everything better. Or maybe he just wanted something to fuss with.
"Why, do you make good tea?" Rodney gave John a look. "I wouldn't have figured you for a service sub."
"Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking," John said, relaxing back on the sofa. "I'm not. Well, not entirely, but, you know how it is when...."
"When it's new and you're trying to be on your best behavior?"
"That," John said. He paused and then, when Rodney was surprisingly silent, went on. "I was thinking last night that it was probably a big mistake."
"Really? When exactly was that?"
"Just before I got back into bed with you."
"Oh, well, then I guess I can forgive you." Once more Rodney sat a pot of tea on the table in front of John.
"Okay, in spite of what I said last night? About knowing you needed something? While I'm fairly observant, I'd still rather we didn't assume we can read each other's mind. I really prefer some kind of...I don't know, parameters? Guidelines?"
"Sure," John said. He remembered reading an article in some sub's magazine about how to get what you wanted from your top without actually talking to hir. Even at the time, it sounded kind of manipulative and dangerous. "What do you want to know?" He paused and then took a deep breath, but even then headspace eluded him. "May I kneel for this?"
"Huh, kind of old-fashioned, aren't you?" Rodney smiled at him. "How about we compromise and you sit on the floor again? You're not a kid anymore...um, neither of us is, okay? Anyway, if you're going to be on your knees, I want sex involved somehow."
"Sounds good to me," John said, sliding off the sofa and onto the floor.
"You look good down there," Rodney said, reaching down and running his fingers through John's hair. John shivered, but the tiny hint of arousal turned into a laugh when Rodney said: "Oh wow, you really don't use product."
"What, you thought I was lying about that?"
"Well...exaggerating? It looks like it requires a lot of work." He hadn't stopped touching John's hair, and John kind of wanted to curl up and drift off to sleep just like this. He blinked a little, surprised at how touch hungry he was.
"Nope, it's just towel and go."
"What were you thinking just now?" Rodney asked. He gestured vaguely. "You looked...I dunno, something."
"I...you know how it is, you convince yourself that you don't need people touching you." He bit his lip. "It's not always easy for me to talk about my feelings, by the way. Just thought I'd put that out there. It frustrates people."
"You're doing fine." Rodney said. His touch got a little heavier, his fingers moving steadily through John's hair all the way to the back of his skull. "So touch is good."
"Yeah," John said, and now it was coming back, that feeling that being down here was right. He leaned into Rodney's touch and Rodney smiled at him.
"I know you have a pretty high pain tolerance; how does that work in bed? I should tell you--I'm kind of sadistic."
John opened his mouth, thought better of it and shut it again.
"Please don't," Rodney said. "I know you were going to say something sarcastic and it's okay. I like that about you."
"Oh?" John blinked; in retrospect it made sense, but a flippant attitude wasn't the kind of thing most tops liked. "I was going to say something like 'no, really?'"
Rodney smirked. "I know--imagine that!" His hand trailed down to John's shoulder. "Take your shirt off."
John did, squaring his shoulders and remembering that Rodney had liked what he'd seen last night. And yeah, Rodney was giving him an appreciative look, his gaze fixing on...John's shoulder?
"Nice, very nice." Rodney's fingers dug into John's shoulder and he felt a slight jolt of pain. It was, he realized, the place Rodney had gripped him last night while John had been blowing him. "You bruise up well," Rodney said, and when John turned his head, Rodney moved his fingers so John could see the faint fingermarks.
"I," he said, his voice husky. "Um...it's possible I'm a masochist."
"Oh, good." For a moment Rodney looked like a kid in a candy store, and John couldn't help smiling up at him.
"You said something earlier," Rodney said, leaving his hand on John's shoulder. "When I asked if you were a service sub, you said 'not entirely.' Were you talking about military service?"
"Are you kidding?" John said and then winced. Rodney just looked at him expectantly. "That's always been part of my problem, that whole service thing. I've only really started...well, I understand it a little more here. Now." He sighed, exasperated at his inability to explain. "Sorry."
"It's okay," Rodney said. He rubbed his thumb almost absently along John's collarbone and John caught his breath. "Huh." Rodney did it again. "Nice.
"Anyway," Rodney went on. "If it wasn't the military thing, which is really neither here nor there when it comes to this...thing between us. If you weren't talking about that, what did you mean?"
"I'm not the kind of sub who'd be happy staying at home darning your socks," John began and Rodney snorted.
"Really? I'd have never guessed." And now it was Rodney's turn to open his mouth, start to say something and then think better of it.
"What?"
"Did your spouse expect that?"
"Not exactly." John frowned trying to figure out how to explain it. "I was already training for Special Ops when we met, and I was good at it. I think she hoped I'd use my connections to get out of that side of things and do something political in DC."
He looked away, staring at the teapot. "To be fair, it wasn't all her fault. I was...I dunno, trying to have it all."
"How so?" Rodney's voice was surprisingly gentle.
"Be the nice proper sub I was supposed to be and still fly fast planes in dangerous situations."
Hoping that was enough for Rodney, John looked up at him. "Anyway, no, I'm not going to make tea unless that kind of thing really gets you off. When it comes to sex, though, I'm really good at taking orders."
Rodney nodded. "So if I told you to pull your pants down and bend over my desk for a good old fashioned paddling...."
John's breath caught in his throat. "I'd do it."
"And get off on it, too," Rodney said, smirking a little.
"Yeah." His cock was perking up and taking an interest now and John shifted a little.
"Last night, you were really reluctant to tell me what you want." Rodney squeezed his shoulder again.
"Yeah, well," John ducked his head. "It's not my place...."
"Stop right there." Rodney's voice was a little sharp and John blinked and stared up at him. "I'm sorry, but are you really that old-fashioned? Because seriously, that 'it's not my place to ask for things' bullshit is downright Victorian."
As if realizing that he was coming off as a little judgmental, he gestured with his free hand. "Sorry, sorry. It's just that I was taught to listen to subs, to take their wishes into account. I may decide what we're doing in bed, but why wouldn't I want to do something you enjoy too? I wasn't trying to say you're wrong, just...I'm sorry, but honestly, that doesn't sound like you at all."
It would have been really easy to say, "I was brought up to not ask for things." And it would be true, too, but there was something about the way Rodney had accepted everything else about John so far. Not just today, not just this conversation, but ever since they came to Atlantis.
"I," John began and then he stopped because he'd never really said this out loud and had rarely even thought it through. He looked up at Rodney, who somehow looked like he'd wait as long as John needed. That uncharacteristic patience, which reinforced what Rodney had said about listening to his subs, made it a little easier.
"I say that because I don't have limits." He frowned and tried again. "I mean, I probably do, but no one's found them. I've liked everything anyone's ever done to me." That was better, but still his face was hot as he thought of the things he'd done in clubs with tops he barely knew.
"Huh," Rodney said. "That doesn't really preclude you from having a preference." And really, John should have known that Rodney wouldn't leave it at that.
"No," John said. "But think about it: if I'm going to like whatever my top wants to do to me, then zie does what zie wants to do, zie likes it, I like it and everyone's happy."
"And you play with random strangers in clubs?" Rodney asked, his eyes wide.
"Good clubs, with memberships and background checks," John said. "I don't go to biker bars."
"Well, thank God for that." Rodney fell silent for a while and John settled in to wait, not sure what else he could say.
"Okay," Rodney finally said. "We can work on that, if...." He held up a hand. "If you tell me one thing."
"Okay."
"Do you want to try this? With me?" Before John could say anything, he went on. "I'm not asking you to accept a collar; I don't think either of us is ready for that. But do you want to...Jesus, I don't know. Fucking go steady, or be my boyfriend or whatever we want to call it?"
Rodney had said he didn't want John on his knees except for sex, so John just straightened up as much as he could and looked Rodney in the eye. "Yes." And then, because it felt like more was called for, he added: "Yes, Rodney. I would like that."
"Thank you, John," Rodney said, his voice every bit as serious as John's.
John might have been worried about things being weird because he and Rodney had never been this formal together, but before he could really think about it, Rodney grabbed his arm the same way he had last night and hauled John up on to his knees. And oh God, but this certainly was sex; it was Rodney's mouth on his, and if John had felt owned last night, that was nothing compared to the way Rodney just took him now.
The kiss went on and on until John wondered if it was possible, past the age of seventeen or so, to come from just kissing. All it would take would be Rodney's leg between his, a little pressure on his dick, and he'd go off like a kid. Rodney just kept gripping John's arm though, kept kissing him hard, and soon John was moaning and even squirming a little.
"God," Rodney said, breathlessly. "You're so fucking eager."
John felt his face go hot, but Rodney just smiled and stroked that spot on John's collarbone. "No, it's okay. I like it." His hand drifted lower, and even though John knew what was coming, he still hissed and bit his lip when Rodney pinched one of his nipples.
"Good?" Rodney asked. "More?"
"Please," John said, putting his arms behind his back.
"Nice," Rodney said, pinching harder. "You're giving me ideas, you know."
Before John could say anything, Rodney twisted his fingers hard and John gasped at the sharp pain. Rodney did it again and again and John practically writhed on his knees, trying to get away and get more at the same time.
"God," Rodney murmured. "Okay," he added, grabbing John's bicep again. "Bed, c'mon."
Once they reached the bed, Rodney pulled John in close for another one of those lip-bruising kisses. He pulled John close and John felt the hard length of Rodney's dick through both pairs of pants. "Naked," Rodney gasped, when he finally pulled his mouth off John's. "And then get on the bed on your back."
Rodney was still getting undressed as John settled on the bed. Curious, because he hadn't looked last night, John checked the headboard and there they were, a couple of discreet lengths of chain.
"You like bondage?" Rodney asked, catching John looking.
"Yeah," John said, and Rodney nodded.
"Good, but I'm not tying you up this morning," Rodney said settling down on the bed. "I don't know about you, but I'm still tired." He ran a finger down the length of John's erection, smiling a little as John shivered at the light touch. "You've got a gorgeous cock. In fact." He turned and reached into the drawer on his nightstand. "I want to see you work it."
He handed John a bottle of lube and sat back, looking at John as if John were some tricky piece of Ancient tech Rodney hadn't quite figured out yet. His gaze made John's skin feel hot and a little tight and John shivered again as he dripped a little bit of lube onto his hand.
He always forgot how different it was to do this with someone watching. His touch felt unfamiliar as he stroked his dick slowly, lightly, wanting to give Rodney a good show.
"Wait," Rodney said firmly, reaching out to grip John's wrist. "Is that how you do it when you're alone? Because that's what I want to see."
Swallowing a little nervously, John tightened his grip and sped up a little. This felt more like it, but it was still different enough that it felt new and exciting and good. He started getting into it, and while he didn't quite forget that Rodney was watching, his world soon narrowed down to the feel of his hand, rough and just a little too dry, on his dick.
Without really thinking about it, he brought his other hand up, thumbing the nipple Rodney had been playing with earlier. "Oh yeah," Rodney said softly, as if he didn't want to disturb John. John rubbed harder and then pinched his nipple, feeling the little jolt of sensation travel right down to his dick. It felt fantastic and it wasn't long before the slight pain and the pressure of his hand brought him right to the edge.
Luckily, he remembered in time that he wasn't alone in his room and while that thought almost pushed him over, he managed to hang on and look up at Rodney.
"Please?"
"Yeah," Rodney said roughly. "Do it for me."
"Oh fuck," John moaned. He pinched his nipple hard and then came in a slick rush over his hand and belly. It felt amazing, easily as good as it had last night, and he wondered if Rodney had a thing for watching guys come. He could, John thought as he stared up at the ceiling and panted, live with that.
He let himself breathe for maybe thirty seconds and then went up on one elbow, looking at Rodney and wondering what he wanted.
"Back down," Rodney said, pushing on John's shoulder hard. He knelt up next to John on the bed and brushed the palm of his hand across John's wet stomach. John's confusion only lasted until Rodney reached down and grabbed his own dick and then John had to catch his breath because, holy fuck. Rodney was fucking jerking himself off using John's come and goddamn, but that was fucking hot.
"Oh God," he said, not caring how wrecked he sounded.
Rodney made a little noise that could have been a breathless chuckle or maybe a muffled groan, but whatever it was, it just made the whole thing even hotter. Rodney was going all out, clearly determined to come as quickly as he could and John almost wished he'd slow down, not just so that John could keep watching him, but so he could pick up hints of what Rodney liked. Then again, maybe Rodney always liked it hard and fast and yeah, John could live with that too.
"Fuck," Rodney muttered. "Oh fuck...." And then he was coming, striping John's thighs and dick and stomach as he did. Breathing hard, he rested his hand on John's shoulder again and leaned down, letting John take most of his weight.
Pinned to the bed in that one place, sticky with come, John felt utterly sated, better than he had in years, and he stared up at Rodney, wishing he knew how to tell him that. Rodney must have seen something in John's face, because he suddenly smiled and bent down to kiss John lightly on the mouth.
"As good as you look covered in come like that," he said, sitting back up. "I think we both need a shower and then I'm thinking of trying to see if I remember how to nap."
"God," John said, fighting the urge to yawn the moment he heard the word nap. "I could go for that."
* * *
Rodney was plastered up against John's side when John woke up, feeling relaxed and comfortable. It wasn't a feeling he associated with Atlantis or even the past four or five years, and for a moment he was just a little disoriented. Now, he thought, if the universe could just give them some breathing room for a day or two, he'd probably be a little better able to deal with what it threw at him.
He turned and looked at Rodney and it was weird, how his perception had changed now that Rodney was...whatever he was. "Boyfriend" took John back to high school, and it seemed kind of a silly phrase to use about two guys pushing forty. But having sex twice, however good that sex was, didn't mean that he was going to instantly going to start thinking of Rodney as his top. And to be fair, Rodney didn't seem to want to slap a collar around John's neck right off the bat, so at least they were on the same page there.
Regardless of what he called it, his relationship with Rodney had completely changed over the last twenty-four hours, and he found himself wondering why he'd never considered Rodney as a potential lover before. Then again, he hadn't considered anyone on Atlantis as a potential lover, so certain he couldn't--or was that shouldn't?--have a relationship while in command of the military here. He still wasn't sure if he should. It was easy to sound and even feel certain when he was down there on the floor and Rodney was asking if he wanted it. Now....
"I can feel you thinking from here." Rodney blinked sleepily and stared up at John. "Reconsidering, right?"
"Jesus, am I that obvious?"
"Not at all," Rodney said, going up on one elbow to look at John. "It's just that this isn't going to be easy and you've already got a huge responsibility."
"Are you saying I can't handle it?" John asked with a scowl.
"Okay, I phrased that poorly. I'd warn you I do that a lot, but you've probably figured it out already." He took a deep breath. "I'm not turning this into some kind of challenge; I'm not telling you you can't handle it to make sure that you try. I just...you've got a lot riding on you and I don't want to add to it."
"So do you," John said, still frowning. Rodney meant well, but was he listening to himself?
Rodney opened his mouth and then closed it again. "I'm saying something wrong here, aren't I?"
"You're trying to protect me," John said. "You're trying to do what's right for me without...." He trailed off.
"Without taking your wishes into consideration."
And there was one thing you could say about Rodney--he wasn't stupid.
"Yeah. If I'm worried about this, it's not because I think I can't handle it." He almost stopped there, but no, Rodney had to know this up front. If he'd been this up front with Nancy back at the beginning, maybe things wouldn't have fallen apart the way they did. Only how to put it so Rodney got it....
"Your job," John began slowly. "Say we get a ZPM and you're in the middle of installing it, and, for whatever reason, I need your attention. Do I get it?" Before Rodney could say anything, John added, "please be honest."
"Then no," Rodney said, sounding like it hurt him to say it. "After, when everything's settled down, you get an apology and...I dunno, chocolate if I have it and the scene of your choice, but I'm sorry, the job has to...."
He sighed and looked right at John. "Okay, I get it. Your job has to come first, right?"
"Yeah," John said. "As a sub, I'm expected to drop everything when you want me, whether it's for sex or just because you need a sympathetic ear. And there will be plenty of times when I can't." He looked up at the ceiling.
"I'm not putting it all on you," he added. "It's hard for me to say no when I'm involved with someone."
"Yeah," Rodney said. "Me, too. If you did need me in the middle of a crisis, I'd feel torn, okay? I'm supposed to be there for you."
"Jeeze," John said turning to give Rodney a slight smile. "You turn out to be a sensitive new age top. Who'da thunk?"
"New Age is pushing it, but, well, therapy," Rodney said wryly, "has been very very good to me."
John took a deep breath. "There's another thing. Do you know why subs rarely get commands? Rank yes, but acutal command of a squadron or a wing or a base? Not so much."
"I always assumed it had to do with a perceived inability to give orders." Rodney frowned. "But you seem to be pretty good at that."
"We have to be able to give orders," John said. "We're taught to do that so that, for instance, I can tell my mechanic that I need my chopper fixed now so I can take it back out again ASAP." He shook his head.
"No, we don't get commands because...well, what happens when we get into a relationship? Who's running the military here on Atlantis now? You? Or me?"
"That's absurd," Rodney began. "How could I possibly...."
"There's a situation--maybe another enemy infiltration of the city. In that scenario, because it's a clearly a military situation, I'm the one in charge, not Dr. Weir, and my authority extends to the civilians. Say I need an engineer to go with a team of Marines to deal with...it doesn't matter what. What matters is that it's a mission where the team has a fairly slim chance of survival. And I tell you I'm sending Kusanagi because she's small and she'll fit...oh fuck, in a Jefferies tube or whatever.
"My point is, what do you do when I make decisions you don't agree with?"
"You think about these things?" Rodney asked, looking incredulous.
"No," John replied. "I don't have to because someone else already has. We get it in training."
"I like to think I wouldn't argue under those circumstances, but I do see your point." Rodney's mouth turned down. "So, I guess...."
John spoke at the same time. "If you do that, we're...." He paused. "Sorry."
"Were you about to say that if I do that, we're over?"
"Yeah, if you try to influence me...."
"So wait, you still want to do this?" Rodney sounded incredulous, and also surprisingly happy. "I can take it as a given that if I get in the way of you doing your job, we're over."
It would have been so easy to back out, to say that the whole thing had been fun but now they were done, but John couldn't do it. Not only had he said earlier that he wanted to try, but now, Rodney was obviously pleased, and it was oddly touching.
"Yeah, I do," John said. "I'll do my best not to try to second guess things again. Sorry about that."
"I'll probably do enough of that for both of us," Rodney said. "You know how it is, find something you're good at and stick with it."
"Oh?" John lowered his eyelids and then looked up at Rodney through his lashes. "And what else are you good at, Dr. McKay?"
"You know," Rodney said, sitting up. "Demure is an odd look on you." He gave John's thigh a sharp slap. "Are you comfortable? Need to eat? Piss?"
"I should hit the bathroom, but I'm not hungry." He paused. "Um...should I take another shower? Clean up?"
Rodney gave him a knowing little smile and John felt his face go hot. "No, not this time," Rodney said. "Now go."
By the time John came out of the bathroom, Rodney had a pair of cuffs in his hand. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "How're your shoulders and back?"
John rolled his shoulders and then his neck; nothing cracked or popped and he was feeling pretty relaxed, which was amazing given the events of the last couple of days. "Good," he said. "I feel loose."
Rodney waggled his eyebrows and he looked so ridiculous that instead of blushing, John just laughed.
"Not that it matters," Rodney said. "I want your mouth again."
He locked the cuffs on John's wrists and then sat down on the bed, his back to the headboard, his legs spread. "This is going to be tricky," he said, "but I think you'll like it. Now, get up on the bed...in between my legs...yeah, that's right."
Before John could lie down, Rodney gripped his shoulder. "No, knees under you. Rest your head on my thigh for now."
It was a little awkward and it got even more so when Rodney reached for one of John's wrists. He tugged until John's arm was stretched out toward the corner of the bed and then clipped the cuff to a chain attached to the bed.
"Can you balance like that?"
John twisted his arm a little until he could rest his palm on the bed. "Yeah."
"With both hands bound?"
Hesitantly, John stretched out his other arm and wriggled a little until he could manage it. "Yeah," he said again, and Rodney clipped the second cuff to another length of chain, leaving John tied face down over Rodney's lap.
"You're sure your shoulders can take it? Have you got enough slack to lift your head?"
"I'm sure," John said, a little breathless. He'd never been bound in quite this position before and he was keenly aware of Rodney's dick, which was right in front of him. Bracing himself carefully, he lifted up until he could sink his mouth over it.
"Okay," Rodney said, with a breathless little huff of laughter. "I'll take that as a yes."
John was vaguely aware of Rodney's arm moving, but most of his attention was focused on keeping his balance while he sucked and licked the head of Rodney's cock and then slowly started bobbing his head up and down.
"Don't bite me," Rodney said. John was almost insulted until something brushed his ass lightly. It took him a moment to figure it out and when he did, he shivered: Rodney was stroking his ass with one of those riding crops with a broad leather tongue. The crop lifted and John braced himself and tried to keep an even rhythm going on Rodney's dick, but it wasn't easy. It didn't help that he was so hard that his own cock was rubbing wetly against his lower belly.
John wasn't really surprised at the slightly unusual set up; this kind of complicated scene was just the kind of thing he would have expected from Rodney if he'd speculated about it before. Demanding and intricate and inventive, he thought as Rodney began to smack his ass lightly with the crop. The blows got harder--they were stinging a little now--and John tried to arch his back and get his ass higher.
"Yeah," Rodney said roughly. "You like that?"
"Mmmm...hmmm," John hummed and then pushed his head down even lower, taking in more of Rodney's dick.
"Oh, you're good." The riding crop smacked down hard, leaving a warm spot on John's ass. He hummed again and Rodney hit him again and pretty soon they had a rhythm going. John's ass was stinging and he felt almost light headed as he went down hard on Rodney's dick.
"Fuck," Rodney groaned and the crop came down even harder. "Very...good."
It went on, building up until John was unsteady and sore and so, so fucking desperate to feel Rodney come down his throat that he was almost suffocating himself. Finally, Rodney gave him one last hard smack on the ass and then reached down and tangled his fingers in John's hair. John got one last deep breath in and then Rodney pushed him down hard, thrust up with his hips and came.
John was still panting hard when Rodney pushed him aside so his head was resting on Rodney's thighs again. He felt Rodney twisting a little above him, and then, in quick succession, both his wrists were free.
"Go ahead and get comfortable," Rodney said. "You can keep your head there if you like."
John eased himself down on the bed until he was on his side, curled up between Rodney's legs. His shoulders were a little stiff but he'd felt worse after workouts. Of course, he was still hard, which was not something he usually felt after workouts.
"So," Rodney said, carding his fingers through John's hair. "Tell me something."
"Sure," John said, his voice raspy. Rodney's fingers strayed down to stroke his throat and John kind of wanted to roll over and purr.
"One thing. I want you to tell me one thing that really gets you off."
"Oh, not fair."
"I'm not always fair." Rodney paused, still petting John. "Is it that difficult? Talking about what you want?"
"Spanking," John said, rather than answering Rodney's question.
"Spanking?"
"Yeah," John said, knowing damn well that his ears were red. "I like...more complicated pain, heavier pain, but...."
Rodney's hand went tight in his hair. "But?"
"There's something about being over someone's knee getting a bare handed spanking...." He shrugged just a little and let his voice trail off.
"Interesting," Rodney said, his fingers gentle again. "I've got pretty hard hands."
"Yeah," John said, just a little breathlessly.
"Of course, that creates a bit of a dilemma." Rodney stroked the side of John's face again and then reached down to squeeze John's shoulder, right on top of the bruise. "I was thinking of returning the favor and blowing you. Or I could put you over my lap and spank you until you come from it or my hand gets tired."
"Now that's really not fair."
"It's not exactly a one time offer. Trust me, I'll be happy to blow you or spank you in the future. In fact, I'm sure somewhere along the line I could be convinced to spank you and then lay you out on your back and blow you."
The thing was, John knew whatever he chose would reveal something about him. For that very reason, he was tempted to go with the offer of a blow job; he wasn't sure if he was ready for something as intimate as a spanking. On the other hand, it had been ages since he'd felt comfortable enough with someone to let them spank him....
He opened his mouth and then paused. "Mind if I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Um...what do you want me to call you?"
"Huh...." Rodney frowned a little. "I don't really know. Normally I'd go with 'sir', but that's got different connotations for you, and also, it's not a good habit for you to get into."
John wanted to protest; he wasn't stupid enough to slip up in public. Only maybe he was. After all, aside from Nancy, he'd never had a long term relationship while in the military, and Nancy had preferred "Mistress."
"Let's go with my name for now," Rodney said. "See how that works."
"Okay, then." John nodded. "Please, Rodney, I'd like a spanking."
"Jesus," Rodney said with a little laugh. "So formal."
"Is that a...."
"No no no. It's just...not what I'm used to."
John couldn't help being curious, but Rodney was already tugging at his arm to get him into position.
"You want to know something else I like?" he said, after Rodney got his legs out in front of himself and pulled John over his lap. "I like that."
"That?" Rodney asked as he arranged John to his liking.
"The grabbing and the shoving. Well, manhandling in general."
"Oh, very good, John," Rodney said. He sounded serious, but also weirdly hesitant and John wondered if Rodney was trying to be formal for John's sake, like he thought John needed it. "That's helpful."
He patted John's ass a little, stroking a hand over it. Aware that his ass was hardly his best feature, John bit his lip and tried not to anticipate disappointment that Rodney might not even feel.
"You're a bit marked up." Rodney pressed on one of the marks from the crop and John squirmed a little. "Gimme a one to ten on that, would you?"
"Three, maybe four," John said, deciding that he really preferred Rodney sounding like Rodney without the formality.
"Yeah, I wasn't hitting you all that hard. I'd have said four or five, so it looks like we're on the same page." Another quick stroke and then his hand went still. "Any last words?"
"How about 'please?'" John said, pressing up just a little against Rodney's hand.
"You know," Rodney said thoughtfully, "you're not at all like I imagined."
Before John could really parse that, Rodney's hand came down on his ass. He wasn't going all out, but it was a nice brisk smack, enough to make it clear he wasn't just fooling around here.
With a soft sigh, John settled in.
"Nice," Rodney said, smacking him again. He did it again and again, and soon John was moaning and raising his ass to get more. Rodney didn't seem to have any trouble with John's eagerness; he just ramped up the strength of his blows until each one landed on John's ass in a bright flare of pain and heat.
John tried to keep silent, but he just couldn't. It was too good and it had been way too long since he'd allowed himself to have this. "God, oh God...so good...please please please!"
"Can you come from this?" Rodney's hand moved lower, catching the underside of John's ass and his upper thighs. It hurt like hell and it was perfect and John almost forgot that Rodney had asked him something.
"Yeah," he finally gasped. "I...please, make me...let me...please, I need...."
Rodney shifted and suddenly his thigh was pressing firmly against John's dick. "Do it, John," he said, landing a flurry of quick hard blows in that same, sensitive place.
"Fuck!" John yelled as he came--his ass burning and his body shaking--all over Rodney's thigh.
He felt almost boneless when it was over; all the tension he'd carried across his shoulders for the last six months or so seemed to melt away. It got even better when Rodney started slowly stroking his back, his broad hand warm and oddly gentle considering the hard spanking he'd just delivered.
"Gimme a minute," John murmured. Even as he said it, he winced.
Way to be grateful, John.
"Sorry," he began.
"Shhhhh...." Rodney chuckled. "Trust me, it's weirder for me when you're formal."
"Still," John said.
Rodney's hand went still. "Do I have to give you an order to get you to relax?" He sounded more curious than annoyed and before John could answer, he continued. "Because if that's what it takes, I will."
"I'm not sure that would work," John said.
"Spanking, on the other hand, seems to do the trick." Rodney still didn't sound angry and as he started to stroke John's back again, John let himself relax. If Rodney didn't mind the slightly itchy feeling of drying come on his thigh, then why should John worry about it?
"Of course," Rodney added a moment. "You have a tough job."
Glad Rodney couldn't see his face, John scowled. Not that again.
"So, I figure you'll need a lot of help relaxing...." Rodney smacked John's ass lightly and John couldn't help laughing.
"Yeah," John said. "I probably will."
-end-
Additional Notes: Because gender isn't as important in this universe, genderless pronouns are much more common than they are in our universe. Turns out Middle English had a couple, but the wikipedia article doesn't give the possessive forms so I'm going with the modern "zie" for him/her and "hir" for his/hers.
The title is a line from "Amazed" by Poe, which is one of the songs on my tentative Trust!verse mix.
crossposted from http://telesilla.dreamwidth.org/219064.html |
comments | you can comment at my DW using OpenID
Author:
telesilla
Fandom/Pairing: SGA, John/Rodney
Series: I Only Want Your Trust
Rating: NC-17
Contains: ( skip) D/s, bondage, riding crops, spanking.
Word Count: ~7,000
Disclaimer: The SGA characters do not belong to me. Duh.
Summary: As much as John wishes it was, starting up a relationship isn't as easy falling into bed together.
Notes: This takes place on the morning right after "I Only Want Your Trust." Many thanks to
helens78 for her awesome beta job! More notes at the end of the fic.
Rodney was either genuinely asleep when John woke up automatically at 07:00 or he was faking that same soft snore John had heard on more than one overnight mission. His hand was resting on John's forearm, and John wondered if Rodney had kept a hand on him all night or if it was just a coincidence that the last thing John remembered before sleep was Rodney's hand on the back of his neck.
Moving carefully, he got out of bed without waking Rodney. It took him a moment to figure out which radio was his, but then he was grabbing it and heading for the bathroom. He took a leak, and then checked in with Chuck, who told him Elizabeth had given him him the day off.
"Doctor McKay, too. And I'm supposed to suggest you rest, Major." Chuck sounded apologetic, but John knew an order from Elizabeth when he heard one.
"Thank you, Chuck. I'll check in later."
When John went back into the bedroom, Rodney was talking into his radio. "A day off? So that's all I have to do to get one? I'll remember that next time I want time off." He paused. "Yeah, whatever, Campbell. Is Elizabeth taking the day off? Major Sheppard? How's Carson?" Another pause. "Okay. Thanks."
"Carson's doing okay," Rodney said, yawning. "What do you want to bet Elizabeth will be in her office by noon? Just to check in, of course."
"If Peter lets her."
"There is that. Speaking of checking in," Rodney headed toward the bathroom. "I'll need to send Zelenka an email."
"I thought you didn't know his name."
"Of course I know his name; I just like to keep him from getting too full of himself." The toilet flushed and then John heard the sink running.
"Like that's going to happen with you around," John muttered.
"What?" Rodney yelled.
"Nothing!"
"The sad thing," Rodney said, as he headed for his desk, "is that I've totally forgotten how to sleep in. I used to be really good at it. Napping too." He flipped his laptop open. "I bet you never nap."
"Are you kidding? I nap all the time when I'm on leave. And when I wasn't flying in Antarctica there wasn't much else to do." That he was also fairly depressed at the time was better left unsaid. "Here? Not so much; I hardly have time to get five hours of sleep in."
"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean." Rodney typed for a moment and then looked up. "Do you ever eat?"
"Yes," John said, scowling at him. "I've always been thin."
"Sorry." Rodney looked down at his computer for a moment. "I just...you know. Being hypoglycemic makes me focus more on food than I should."
John, who had just been about to accuse Rodney of thinking John had some kind of eating disorder, shook his head. This was Rodney; if he really thought John had food issues, he'd have said something months ago.
"I take it that was a hint?" John said. "You want to go grab breakfast?"
"Sure," Rodney said. "You go ahead and I'll meet you there in a few minutes."
Feeling a little embarrassed that he hadn't thought of that himself, John headed for the door. He was just tired, that was all.
"After breakfast, though, we're coming back here to talk," Rodney said in a tone that didn't leave any room for argument.
"I'm looking forward to it," John said in his best fake chipper voice.
"Yeah," Rodney said, rolling his eyes. "Me too."
Usually they ate breakfast with Ford and Teyla, but today it was just Ford. "Teyla on the mainland?" John asked, sitting down.
Ford nodded. "I sent some of B squad with her and I think Dr. Z sent a couple engineers too." He looked up from up from his food. "I'd have checked with you, but Dr. Weir said not to disturb you."
"Good call," John said. "At some point yesterday, McKay and Dr. Weir were talking about putting together some teams of scientists to check out the damage done to the city. Once we know how many teams McKay wants to put together, we'll have to assign some of our people to each team."
"Yes, Major."
"Morning, McKay," John said as Rodney slid onto the bench next to him. Pleased that he sounded so normal, he continued. "We were just talking about the teams you wanted to put together to check the city out. We'll make sure you have some Marines with you."
"I want intelligent people. Also, brawny ones; most of my people aren't so good at lifting."
"I'll do my best, Doc," Ford said, giving John a very familiar "can you believe this guy" look. John just shrugged and responded silently with his own "yeah, but what are you gonna do" look.
Just a normal morning, he thought as the talk turned to the storm itself. Maybe we can do this after all.
* * *
"Um...do you want me to do that?" John asked as Rodney set up the kettle. They were back in Rodney's room after breakfast, and apparently Rodney really did think tea made everything better. Or maybe he just wanted something to fuss with.
"Why, do you make good tea?" Rodney gave John a look. "I wouldn't have figured you for a service sub."
"Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking," John said, relaxing back on the sofa. "I'm not. Well, not entirely, but, you know how it is when...."
"When it's new and you're trying to be on your best behavior?"
"That," John said. He paused and then, when Rodney was surprisingly silent, went on. "I was thinking last night that it was probably a big mistake."
"Really? When exactly was that?"
"Just before I got back into bed with you."
"Oh, well, then I guess I can forgive you." Once more Rodney sat a pot of tea on the table in front of John.
"Okay, in spite of what I said last night? About knowing you needed something? While I'm fairly observant, I'd still rather we didn't assume we can read each other's mind. I really prefer some kind of...I don't know, parameters? Guidelines?"
"Sure," John said. He remembered reading an article in some sub's magazine about how to get what you wanted from your top without actually talking to hir. Even at the time, it sounded kind of manipulative and dangerous. "What do you want to know?" He paused and then took a deep breath, but even then headspace eluded him. "May I kneel for this?"
"Huh, kind of old-fashioned, aren't you?" Rodney smiled at him. "How about we compromise and you sit on the floor again? You're not a kid anymore...um, neither of us is, okay? Anyway, if you're going to be on your knees, I want sex involved somehow."
"Sounds good to me," John said, sliding off the sofa and onto the floor.
"You look good down there," Rodney said, reaching down and running his fingers through John's hair. John shivered, but the tiny hint of arousal turned into a laugh when Rodney said: "Oh wow, you really don't use product."
"What, you thought I was lying about that?"
"Well...exaggerating? It looks like it requires a lot of work." He hadn't stopped touching John's hair, and John kind of wanted to curl up and drift off to sleep just like this. He blinked a little, surprised at how touch hungry he was.
"Nope, it's just towel and go."
"What were you thinking just now?" Rodney asked. He gestured vaguely. "You looked...I dunno, something."
"I...you know how it is, you convince yourself that you don't need people touching you." He bit his lip. "It's not always easy for me to talk about my feelings, by the way. Just thought I'd put that out there. It frustrates people."
"You're doing fine." Rodney said. His touch got a little heavier, his fingers moving steadily through John's hair all the way to the back of his skull. "So touch is good."
"Yeah," John said, and now it was coming back, that feeling that being down here was right. He leaned into Rodney's touch and Rodney smiled at him.
"I know you have a pretty high pain tolerance; how does that work in bed? I should tell you--I'm kind of sadistic."
John opened his mouth, thought better of it and shut it again.
"Please don't," Rodney said. "I know you were going to say something sarcastic and it's okay. I like that about you."
"Oh?" John blinked; in retrospect it made sense, but a flippant attitude wasn't the kind of thing most tops liked. "I was going to say something like 'no, really?'"
Rodney smirked. "I know--imagine that!" His hand trailed down to John's shoulder. "Take your shirt off."
John did, squaring his shoulders and remembering that Rodney had liked what he'd seen last night. And yeah, Rodney was giving him an appreciative look, his gaze fixing on...John's shoulder?
"Nice, very nice." Rodney's fingers dug into John's shoulder and he felt a slight jolt of pain. It was, he realized, the place Rodney had gripped him last night while John had been blowing him. "You bruise up well," Rodney said, and when John turned his head, Rodney moved his fingers so John could see the faint fingermarks.
"I," he said, his voice husky. "Um...it's possible I'm a masochist."
"Oh, good." For a moment Rodney looked like a kid in a candy store, and John couldn't help smiling up at him.
"You said something earlier," Rodney said, leaving his hand on John's shoulder. "When I asked if you were a service sub, you said 'not entirely.' Were you talking about military service?"
"Are you kidding?" John said and then winced. Rodney just looked at him expectantly. "That's always been part of my problem, that whole service thing. I've only really started...well, I understand it a little more here. Now." He sighed, exasperated at his inability to explain. "Sorry."
"It's okay," Rodney said. He rubbed his thumb almost absently along John's collarbone and John caught his breath. "Huh." Rodney did it again. "Nice.
"Anyway," Rodney went on. "If it wasn't the military thing, which is really neither here nor there when it comes to this...thing between us. If you weren't talking about that, what did you mean?"
"I'm not the kind of sub who'd be happy staying at home darning your socks," John began and Rodney snorted.
"Really? I'd have never guessed." And now it was Rodney's turn to open his mouth, start to say something and then think better of it.
"What?"
"Did your spouse expect that?"
"Not exactly." John frowned trying to figure out how to explain it. "I was already training for Special Ops when we met, and I was good at it. I think she hoped I'd use my connections to get out of that side of things and do something political in DC."
He looked away, staring at the teapot. "To be fair, it wasn't all her fault. I was...I dunno, trying to have it all."
"How so?" Rodney's voice was surprisingly gentle.
"Be the nice proper sub I was supposed to be and still fly fast planes in dangerous situations."
Hoping that was enough for Rodney, John looked up at him. "Anyway, no, I'm not going to make tea unless that kind of thing really gets you off. When it comes to sex, though, I'm really good at taking orders."
Rodney nodded. "So if I told you to pull your pants down and bend over my desk for a good old fashioned paddling...."
John's breath caught in his throat. "I'd do it."
"And get off on it, too," Rodney said, smirking a little.
"Yeah." His cock was perking up and taking an interest now and John shifted a little.
"Last night, you were really reluctant to tell me what you want." Rodney squeezed his shoulder again.
"Yeah, well," John ducked his head. "It's not my place...."
"Stop right there." Rodney's voice was a little sharp and John blinked and stared up at him. "I'm sorry, but are you really that old-fashioned? Because seriously, that 'it's not my place to ask for things' bullshit is downright Victorian."
As if realizing that he was coming off as a little judgmental, he gestured with his free hand. "Sorry, sorry. It's just that I was taught to listen to subs, to take their wishes into account. I may decide what we're doing in bed, but why wouldn't I want to do something you enjoy too? I wasn't trying to say you're wrong, just...I'm sorry, but honestly, that doesn't sound like you at all."
It would have been really easy to say, "I was brought up to not ask for things." And it would be true, too, but there was something about the way Rodney had accepted everything else about John so far. Not just today, not just this conversation, but ever since they came to Atlantis.
"I," John began and then he stopped because he'd never really said this out loud and had rarely even thought it through. He looked up at Rodney, who somehow looked like he'd wait as long as John needed. That uncharacteristic patience, which reinforced what Rodney had said about listening to his subs, made it a little easier.
"I say that because I don't have limits." He frowned and tried again. "I mean, I probably do, but no one's found them. I've liked everything anyone's ever done to me." That was better, but still his face was hot as he thought of the things he'd done in clubs with tops he barely knew.
"Huh," Rodney said. "That doesn't really preclude you from having a preference." And really, John should have known that Rodney wouldn't leave it at that.
"No," John said. "But think about it: if I'm going to like whatever my top wants to do to me, then zie does what zie wants to do, zie likes it, I like it and everyone's happy."
"And you play with random strangers in clubs?" Rodney asked, his eyes wide.
"Good clubs, with memberships and background checks," John said. "I don't go to biker bars."
"Well, thank God for that." Rodney fell silent for a while and John settled in to wait, not sure what else he could say.
"Okay," Rodney finally said. "We can work on that, if...." He held up a hand. "If you tell me one thing."
"Okay."
"Do you want to try this? With me?" Before John could say anything, he went on. "I'm not asking you to accept a collar; I don't think either of us is ready for that. But do you want to...Jesus, I don't know. Fucking go steady, or be my boyfriend or whatever we want to call it?"
Rodney had said he didn't want John on his knees except for sex, so John just straightened up as much as he could and looked Rodney in the eye. "Yes." And then, because it felt like more was called for, he added: "Yes, Rodney. I would like that."
"Thank you, John," Rodney said, his voice every bit as serious as John's.
John might have been worried about things being weird because he and Rodney had never been this formal together, but before he could really think about it, Rodney grabbed his arm the same way he had last night and hauled John up on to his knees. And oh God, but this certainly was sex; it was Rodney's mouth on his, and if John had felt owned last night, that was nothing compared to the way Rodney just took him now.
The kiss went on and on until John wondered if it was possible, past the age of seventeen or so, to come from just kissing. All it would take would be Rodney's leg between his, a little pressure on his dick, and he'd go off like a kid. Rodney just kept gripping John's arm though, kept kissing him hard, and soon John was moaning and even squirming a little.
"God," Rodney said, breathlessly. "You're so fucking eager."
John felt his face go hot, but Rodney just smiled and stroked that spot on John's collarbone. "No, it's okay. I like it." His hand drifted lower, and even though John knew what was coming, he still hissed and bit his lip when Rodney pinched one of his nipples.
"Good?" Rodney asked. "More?"
"Please," John said, putting his arms behind his back.
"Nice," Rodney said, pinching harder. "You're giving me ideas, you know."
Before John could say anything, Rodney twisted his fingers hard and John gasped at the sharp pain. Rodney did it again and again and John practically writhed on his knees, trying to get away and get more at the same time.
"God," Rodney murmured. "Okay," he added, grabbing John's bicep again. "Bed, c'mon."
Once they reached the bed, Rodney pulled John in close for another one of those lip-bruising kisses. He pulled John close and John felt the hard length of Rodney's dick through both pairs of pants. "Naked," Rodney gasped, when he finally pulled his mouth off John's. "And then get on the bed on your back."
Rodney was still getting undressed as John settled on the bed. Curious, because he hadn't looked last night, John checked the headboard and there they were, a couple of discreet lengths of chain.
"You like bondage?" Rodney asked, catching John looking.
"Yeah," John said, and Rodney nodded.
"Good, but I'm not tying you up this morning," Rodney said settling down on the bed. "I don't know about you, but I'm still tired." He ran a finger down the length of John's erection, smiling a little as John shivered at the light touch. "You've got a gorgeous cock. In fact." He turned and reached into the drawer on his nightstand. "I want to see you work it."
He handed John a bottle of lube and sat back, looking at John as if John were some tricky piece of Ancient tech Rodney hadn't quite figured out yet. His gaze made John's skin feel hot and a little tight and John shivered again as he dripped a little bit of lube onto his hand.
He always forgot how different it was to do this with someone watching. His touch felt unfamiliar as he stroked his dick slowly, lightly, wanting to give Rodney a good show.
"Wait," Rodney said firmly, reaching out to grip John's wrist. "Is that how you do it when you're alone? Because that's what I want to see."
Swallowing a little nervously, John tightened his grip and sped up a little. This felt more like it, but it was still different enough that it felt new and exciting and good. He started getting into it, and while he didn't quite forget that Rodney was watching, his world soon narrowed down to the feel of his hand, rough and just a little too dry, on his dick.
Without really thinking about it, he brought his other hand up, thumbing the nipple Rodney had been playing with earlier. "Oh yeah," Rodney said softly, as if he didn't want to disturb John. John rubbed harder and then pinched his nipple, feeling the little jolt of sensation travel right down to his dick. It felt fantastic and it wasn't long before the slight pain and the pressure of his hand brought him right to the edge.
Luckily, he remembered in time that he wasn't alone in his room and while that thought almost pushed him over, he managed to hang on and look up at Rodney.
"Please?"
"Yeah," Rodney said roughly. "Do it for me."
"Oh fuck," John moaned. He pinched his nipple hard and then came in a slick rush over his hand and belly. It felt amazing, easily as good as it had last night, and he wondered if Rodney had a thing for watching guys come. He could, John thought as he stared up at the ceiling and panted, live with that.
He let himself breathe for maybe thirty seconds and then went up on one elbow, looking at Rodney and wondering what he wanted.
"Back down," Rodney said, pushing on John's shoulder hard. He knelt up next to John on the bed and brushed the palm of his hand across John's wet stomach. John's confusion only lasted until Rodney reached down and grabbed his own dick and then John had to catch his breath because, holy fuck. Rodney was fucking jerking himself off using John's come and goddamn, but that was fucking hot.
"Oh God," he said, not caring how wrecked he sounded.
Rodney made a little noise that could have been a breathless chuckle or maybe a muffled groan, but whatever it was, it just made the whole thing even hotter. Rodney was going all out, clearly determined to come as quickly as he could and John almost wished he'd slow down, not just so that John could keep watching him, but so he could pick up hints of what Rodney liked. Then again, maybe Rodney always liked it hard and fast and yeah, John could live with that too.
"Fuck," Rodney muttered. "Oh fuck...." And then he was coming, striping John's thighs and dick and stomach as he did. Breathing hard, he rested his hand on John's shoulder again and leaned down, letting John take most of his weight.
Pinned to the bed in that one place, sticky with come, John felt utterly sated, better than he had in years, and he stared up at Rodney, wishing he knew how to tell him that. Rodney must have seen something in John's face, because he suddenly smiled and bent down to kiss John lightly on the mouth.
"As good as you look covered in come like that," he said, sitting back up. "I think we both need a shower and then I'm thinking of trying to see if I remember how to nap."
"God," John said, fighting the urge to yawn the moment he heard the word nap. "I could go for that."
* * *
Rodney was plastered up against John's side when John woke up, feeling relaxed and comfortable. It wasn't a feeling he associated with Atlantis or even the past four or five years, and for a moment he was just a little disoriented. Now, he thought, if the universe could just give them some breathing room for a day or two, he'd probably be a little better able to deal with what it threw at him.
He turned and looked at Rodney and it was weird, how his perception had changed now that Rodney was...whatever he was. "Boyfriend" took John back to high school, and it seemed kind of a silly phrase to use about two guys pushing forty. But having sex twice, however good that sex was, didn't mean that he was going to instantly going to start thinking of Rodney as his top. And to be fair, Rodney didn't seem to want to slap a collar around John's neck right off the bat, so at least they were on the same page there.
Regardless of what he called it, his relationship with Rodney had completely changed over the last twenty-four hours, and he found himself wondering why he'd never considered Rodney as a potential lover before. Then again, he hadn't considered anyone on Atlantis as a potential lover, so certain he couldn't--or was that shouldn't?--have a relationship while in command of the military here. He still wasn't sure if he should. It was easy to sound and even feel certain when he was down there on the floor and Rodney was asking if he wanted it. Now....
"I can feel you thinking from here." Rodney blinked sleepily and stared up at John. "Reconsidering, right?"
"Jesus, am I that obvious?"
"Not at all," Rodney said, going up on one elbow to look at John. "It's just that this isn't going to be easy and you've already got a huge responsibility."
"Are you saying I can't handle it?" John asked with a scowl.
"Okay, I phrased that poorly. I'd warn you I do that a lot, but you've probably figured it out already." He took a deep breath. "I'm not turning this into some kind of challenge; I'm not telling you you can't handle it to make sure that you try. I just...you've got a lot riding on you and I don't want to add to it."
"So do you," John said, still frowning. Rodney meant well, but was he listening to himself?
Rodney opened his mouth and then closed it again. "I'm saying something wrong here, aren't I?"
"You're trying to protect me," John said. "You're trying to do what's right for me without...." He trailed off.
"Without taking your wishes into consideration."
And there was one thing you could say about Rodney--he wasn't stupid.
"Yeah. If I'm worried about this, it's not because I think I can't handle it." He almost stopped there, but no, Rodney had to know this up front. If he'd been this up front with Nancy back at the beginning, maybe things wouldn't have fallen apart the way they did. Only how to put it so Rodney got it....
"Your job," John began slowly. "Say we get a ZPM and you're in the middle of installing it, and, for whatever reason, I need your attention. Do I get it?" Before Rodney could say anything, John added, "please be honest."
"Then no," Rodney said, sounding like it hurt him to say it. "After, when everything's settled down, you get an apology and...I dunno, chocolate if I have it and the scene of your choice, but I'm sorry, the job has to...."
He sighed and looked right at John. "Okay, I get it. Your job has to come first, right?"
"Yeah," John said. "As a sub, I'm expected to drop everything when you want me, whether it's for sex or just because you need a sympathetic ear. And there will be plenty of times when I can't." He looked up at the ceiling.
"I'm not putting it all on you," he added. "It's hard for me to say no when I'm involved with someone."
"Yeah," Rodney said. "Me, too. If you did need me in the middle of a crisis, I'd feel torn, okay? I'm supposed to be there for you."
"Jeeze," John said turning to give Rodney a slight smile. "You turn out to be a sensitive new age top. Who'da thunk?"
"New Age is pushing it, but, well, therapy," Rodney said wryly, "has been very very good to me."
John took a deep breath. "There's another thing. Do you know why subs rarely get commands? Rank yes, but acutal command of a squadron or a wing or a base? Not so much."
"I always assumed it had to do with a perceived inability to give orders." Rodney frowned. "But you seem to be pretty good at that."
"We have to be able to give orders," John said. "We're taught to do that so that, for instance, I can tell my mechanic that I need my chopper fixed now so I can take it back out again ASAP." He shook his head.
"No, we don't get commands because...well, what happens when we get into a relationship? Who's running the military here on Atlantis now? You? Or me?"
"That's absurd," Rodney began. "How could I possibly...."
"There's a situation--maybe another enemy infiltration of the city. In that scenario, because it's a clearly a military situation, I'm the one in charge, not Dr. Weir, and my authority extends to the civilians. Say I need an engineer to go with a team of Marines to deal with...it doesn't matter what. What matters is that it's a mission where the team has a fairly slim chance of survival. And I tell you I'm sending Kusanagi because she's small and she'll fit...oh fuck, in a Jefferies tube or whatever.
"My point is, what do you do when I make decisions you don't agree with?"
"You think about these things?" Rodney asked, looking incredulous.
"No," John replied. "I don't have to because someone else already has. We get it in training."
"I like to think I wouldn't argue under those circumstances, but I do see your point." Rodney's mouth turned down. "So, I guess...."
John spoke at the same time. "If you do that, we're...." He paused. "Sorry."
"Were you about to say that if I do that, we're over?"
"Yeah, if you try to influence me...."
"So wait, you still want to do this?" Rodney sounded incredulous, and also surprisingly happy. "I can take it as a given that if I get in the way of you doing your job, we're over."
It would have been so easy to back out, to say that the whole thing had been fun but now they were done, but John couldn't do it. Not only had he said earlier that he wanted to try, but now, Rodney was obviously pleased, and it was oddly touching.
"Yeah, I do," John said. "I'll do my best not to try to second guess things again. Sorry about that."
"I'll probably do enough of that for both of us," Rodney said. "You know how it is, find something you're good at and stick with it."
"Oh?" John lowered his eyelids and then looked up at Rodney through his lashes. "And what else are you good at, Dr. McKay?"
"You know," Rodney said, sitting up. "Demure is an odd look on you." He gave John's thigh a sharp slap. "Are you comfortable? Need to eat? Piss?"
"I should hit the bathroom, but I'm not hungry." He paused. "Um...should I take another shower? Clean up?"
Rodney gave him a knowing little smile and John felt his face go hot. "No, not this time," Rodney said. "Now go."
By the time John came out of the bathroom, Rodney had a pair of cuffs in his hand. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "How're your shoulders and back?"
John rolled his shoulders and then his neck; nothing cracked or popped and he was feeling pretty relaxed, which was amazing given the events of the last couple of days. "Good," he said. "I feel loose."
Rodney waggled his eyebrows and he looked so ridiculous that instead of blushing, John just laughed.
"Not that it matters," Rodney said. "I want your mouth again."
He locked the cuffs on John's wrists and then sat down on the bed, his back to the headboard, his legs spread. "This is going to be tricky," he said, "but I think you'll like it. Now, get up on the bed...in between my legs...yeah, that's right."
Before John could lie down, Rodney gripped his shoulder. "No, knees under you. Rest your head on my thigh for now."
It was a little awkward and it got even more so when Rodney reached for one of John's wrists. He tugged until John's arm was stretched out toward the corner of the bed and then clipped the cuff to a chain attached to the bed.
"Can you balance like that?"
John twisted his arm a little until he could rest his palm on the bed. "Yeah."
"With both hands bound?"
Hesitantly, John stretched out his other arm and wriggled a little until he could manage it. "Yeah," he said again, and Rodney clipped the second cuff to another length of chain, leaving John tied face down over Rodney's lap.
"You're sure your shoulders can take it? Have you got enough slack to lift your head?"
"I'm sure," John said, a little breathless. He'd never been bound in quite this position before and he was keenly aware of Rodney's dick, which was right in front of him. Bracing himself carefully, he lifted up until he could sink his mouth over it.
"Okay," Rodney said, with a breathless little huff of laughter. "I'll take that as a yes."
John was vaguely aware of Rodney's arm moving, but most of his attention was focused on keeping his balance while he sucked and licked the head of Rodney's cock and then slowly started bobbing his head up and down.
"Don't bite me," Rodney said. John was almost insulted until something brushed his ass lightly. It took him a moment to figure it out and when he did, he shivered: Rodney was stroking his ass with one of those riding crops with a broad leather tongue. The crop lifted and John braced himself and tried to keep an even rhythm going on Rodney's dick, but it wasn't easy. It didn't help that he was so hard that his own cock was rubbing wetly against his lower belly.
John wasn't really surprised at the slightly unusual set up; this kind of complicated scene was just the kind of thing he would have expected from Rodney if he'd speculated about it before. Demanding and intricate and inventive, he thought as Rodney began to smack his ass lightly with the crop. The blows got harder--they were stinging a little now--and John tried to arch his back and get his ass higher.
"Yeah," Rodney said roughly. "You like that?"
"Mmmm...hmmm," John hummed and then pushed his head down even lower, taking in more of Rodney's dick.
"Oh, you're good." The riding crop smacked down hard, leaving a warm spot on John's ass. He hummed again and Rodney hit him again and pretty soon they had a rhythm going. John's ass was stinging and he felt almost light headed as he went down hard on Rodney's dick.
"Fuck," Rodney groaned and the crop came down even harder. "Very...good."
It went on, building up until John was unsteady and sore and so, so fucking desperate to feel Rodney come down his throat that he was almost suffocating himself. Finally, Rodney gave him one last hard smack on the ass and then reached down and tangled his fingers in John's hair. John got one last deep breath in and then Rodney pushed him down hard, thrust up with his hips and came.
John was still panting hard when Rodney pushed him aside so his head was resting on Rodney's thighs again. He felt Rodney twisting a little above him, and then, in quick succession, both his wrists were free.
"Go ahead and get comfortable," Rodney said. "You can keep your head there if you like."
John eased himself down on the bed until he was on his side, curled up between Rodney's legs. His shoulders were a little stiff but he'd felt worse after workouts. Of course, he was still hard, which was not something he usually felt after workouts.
"So," Rodney said, carding his fingers through John's hair. "Tell me something."
"Sure," John said, his voice raspy. Rodney's fingers strayed down to stroke his throat and John kind of wanted to roll over and purr.
"One thing. I want you to tell me one thing that really gets you off."
"Oh, not fair."
"I'm not always fair." Rodney paused, still petting John. "Is it that difficult? Talking about what you want?"
"Spanking," John said, rather than answering Rodney's question.
"Spanking?"
"Yeah," John said, knowing damn well that his ears were red. "I like...more complicated pain, heavier pain, but...."
Rodney's hand went tight in his hair. "But?"
"There's something about being over someone's knee getting a bare handed spanking...." He shrugged just a little and let his voice trail off.
"Interesting," Rodney said, his fingers gentle again. "I've got pretty hard hands."
"Yeah," John said, just a little breathlessly.
"Of course, that creates a bit of a dilemma." Rodney stroked the side of John's face again and then reached down to squeeze John's shoulder, right on top of the bruise. "I was thinking of returning the favor and blowing you. Or I could put you over my lap and spank you until you come from it or my hand gets tired."
"Now that's really not fair."
"It's not exactly a one time offer. Trust me, I'll be happy to blow you or spank you in the future. In fact, I'm sure somewhere along the line I could be convinced to spank you and then lay you out on your back and blow you."
The thing was, John knew whatever he chose would reveal something about him. For that very reason, he was tempted to go with the offer of a blow job; he wasn't sure if he was ready for something as intimate as a spanking. On the other hand, it had been ages since he'd felt comfortable enough with someone to let them spank him....
He opened his mouth and then paused. "Mind if I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Um...what do you want me to call you?"
"Huh...." Rodney frowned a little. "I don't really know. Normally I'd go with 'sir', but that's got different connotations for you, and also, it's not a good habit for you to get into."
John wanted to protest; he wasn't stupid enough to slip up in public. Only maybe he was. After all, aside from Nancy, he'd never had a long term relationship while in the military, and Nancy had preferred "Mistress."
"Let's go with my name for now," Rodney said. "See how that works."
"Okay, then." John nodded. "Please, Rodney, I'd like a spanking."
"Jesus," Rodney said with a little laugh. "So formal."
"Is that a...."
"No no no. It's just...not what I'm used to."
John couldn't help being curious, but Rodney was already tugging at his arm to get him into position.
"You want to know something else I like?" he said, after Rodney got his legs out in front of himself and pulled John over his lap. "I like that."
"That?" Rodney asked as he arranged John to his liking.
"The grabbing and the shoving. Well, manhandling in general."
"Oh, very good, John," Rodney said. He sounded serious, but also weirdly hesitant and John wondered if Rodney was trying to be formal for John's sake, like he thought John needed it. "That's helpful."
He patted John's ass a little, stroking a hand over it. Aware that his ass was hardly his best feature, John bit his lip and tried not to anticipate disappointment that Rodney might not even feel.
"You're a bit marked up." Rodney pressed on one of the marks from the crop and John squirmed a little. "Gimme a one to ten on that, would you?"
"Three, maybe four," John said, deciding that he really preferred Rodney sounding like Rodney without the formality.
"Yeah, I wasn't hitting you all that hard. I'd have said four or five, so it looks like we're on the same page." Another quick stroke and then his hand went still. "Any last words?"
"How about 'please?'" John said, pressing up just a little against Rodney's hand.
"You know," Rodney said thoughtfully, "you're not at all like I imagined."
Before John could really parse that, Rodney's hand came down on his ass. He wasn't going all out, but it was a nice brisk smack, enough to make it clear he wasn't just fooling around here.
With a soft sigh, John settled in.
"Nice," Rodney said, smacking him again. He did it again and again, and soon John was moaning and raising his ass to get more. Rodney didn't seem to have any trouble with John's eagerness; he just ramped up the strength of his blows until each one landed on John's ass in a bright flare of pain and heat.
John tried to keep silent, but he just couldn't. It was too good and it had been way too long since he'd allowed himself to have this. "God, oh God...so good...please please please!"
"Can you come from this?" Rodney's hand moved lower, catching the underside of John's ass and his upper thighs. It hurt like hell and it was perfect and John almost forgot that Rodney had asked him something.
"Yeah," he finally gasped. "I...please, make me...let me...please, I need...."
Rodney shifted and suddenly his thigh was pressing firmly against John's dick. "Do it, John," he said, landing a flurry of quick hard blows in that same, sensitive place.
"Fuck!" John yelled as he came--his ass burning and his body shaking--all over Rodney's thigh.
He felt almost boneless when it was over; all the tension he'd carried across his shoulders for the last six months or so seemed to melt away. It got even better when Rodney started slowly stroking his back, his broad hand warm and oddly gentle considering the hard spanking he'd just delivered.
"Gimme a minute," John murmured. Even as he said it, he winced.
Way to be grateful, John.
"Sorry," he began.
"Shhhhh...." Rodney chuckled. "Trust me, it's weirder for me when you're formal."
"Still," John said.
Rodney's hand went still. "Do I have to give you an order to get you to relax?" He sounded more curious than annoyed and before John could answer, he continued. "Because if that's what it takes, I will."
"I'm not sure that would work," John said.
"Spanking, on the other hand, seems to do the trick." Rodney still didn't sound angry and as he started to stroke John's back again, John let himself relax. If Rodney didn't mind the slightly itchy feeling of drying come on his thigh, then why should John worry about it?
"Of course," Rodney added a moment. "You have a tough job."
Glad Rodney couldn't see his face, John scowled. Not that again.
"So, I figure you'll need a lot of help relaxing...." Rodney smacked John's ass lightly and John couldn't help laughing.
"Yeah," John said. "I probably will."
-end-
Additional Notes: Because gender isn't as important in this universe, genderless pronouns are much more common than they are in our universe. Turns out Middle English had a couple, but the wikipedia article doesn't give the possessive forms so I'm going with the modern "zie" for him/her and "hir" for his/hers.
The title is a line from "Amazed" by Poe, which is one of the songs on my tentative Trust!verse mix.
crossposted from http://telesilla.dreamwidth.org/219064.html |
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