(no subject)
Without sounding too self-involved...
Maybe if I start writing about all the different aspects of my life, I would soon find a relevant and interesting topic. I can think of a few:
1) My alcoholic father
2) My "multi-cultural" (English-American) upbringing
3) My despair at having lost touch with friends from childhood and adolescence y todas las etapas de la vida
4) My lack of confidence
5) My time abroad
6) My feeling of having wasted or lost or not-appreciated-enough or not-made-the-most-of my time spent abroad or my life in general
7) My desire to reconcile my happy/loving/satisfying relationship with with my hopes of living/spending time abroad
8) Not knowing what I want to do and wanting to do everything.
I still thinkg I'm just not self-centred enough to be able to write, either about myself or about anything else. I can't write about myself because I'm too self-concious (i.e. not self-involved enough, i.e. I don't think I'm that interesting), and I can't write about other things because I'm too worried about what other people would think about my writing.
9) My confidence issues.
How do other people do it? I'd write in a journal but typing's easier. I'd write in a private blog but... I'm training to train myself to actually do this, right???
I need to start doing the things that I actually want to do, because my biggest fear (or one of them) is disappointment in myself. Self-disappointment (auto-desilusion). Regret at one's past. I turned 22 today (yesterday rather), so I have run out of excuses for my indecision and my inaction and my lack of motivation. It's just the not knowing what the future holds. It's nice when you're in university and you know what you're going to do the next year and the year after that. I repeat myself but I do need to be excited about the future. I think it's the decision-making that scares me more. I think I will be generally happy whatever I'm doing, I will just stress about having to make the decision and worrying that I've made the wrong decision, just like I stress when I buy clothes and think maybe I've bought the wrong size or style or paid the wrong price and won't wear the item enough to justify the expenditure, or when I go to a restaurant and order a meal and worry that it'll be too little or too much or not as nice as the meal my companion has ordered. My character is indecisive and I need to accept that.
Acceptance. Confidence. Decision. My new mantra?
Maybe if I start writing about all the different aspects of my life, I would soon find a relevant and interesting topic. I can think of a few:
1) My alcoholic father
2) My "multi-cultural" (English-American) upbringing
3) My despair at having lost touch with friends from childhood and adolescence y todas las etapas de la vida
4) My lack of confidence
5) My time abroad
6) My feeling of having wasted or lost or not-appreciated-enough or not-made-the-most-of my time spent abroad or my life in general
7) My desire to reconcile my happy/loving/satisfying relationship with with my hopes of living/spending time abroad
8) Not knowing what I want to do and wanting to do everything.
I still thinkg I'm just not self-centred enough to be able to write, either about myself or about anything else. I can't write about myself because I'm too self-concious (i.e. not self-involved enough, i.e. I don't think I'm that interesting), and I can't write about other things because I'm too worried about what other people would think about my writing.
9) My confidence issues.
How do other people do it? I'd write in a journal but typing's easier. I'd write in a private blog but... I'm training to train myself to actually do this, right???
I need to start doing the things that I actually want to do, because my biggest fear (or one of them) is disappointment in myself. Self-disappointment (auto-desilusion). Regret at one's past. I turned 22 today (yesterday rather), so I have run out of excuses for my indecision and my inaction and my lack of motivation. It's just the not knowing what the future holds. It's nice when you're in university and you know what you're going to do the next year and the year after that. I repeat myself but I do need to be excited about the future. I think it's the decision-making that scares me more. I think I will be generally happy whatever I'm doing, I will just stress about having to make the decision and worrying that I've made the wrong decision, just like I stress when I buy clothes and think maybe I've bought the wrong size or style or paid the wrong price and won't wear the item enough to justify the expenditure, or when I go to a restaurant and order a meal and worry that it'll be too little or too much or not as nice as the meal my companion has ordered. My character is indecisive and I need to accept that.
Acceptance. Confidence. Decision. My new mantra?