Encore une Fois
The last time dobhran and I met, sparks flew. A storm began in my heart, and reached out and pulled ruine_ into its orbit too. The last time, there were just the three of us.. other connections were far away, and we could surrender, and be flung around happily within its chaos. It was brief, magical, and special. Looking back, it was a space I'll treasure for the rest of my life. A storm I could step away from after he left and still treasure in my heart.
Echoes of that storm were still spinning two years later - but I did feel some apprehensiveness about moving into its orbit again. It would be different this time. Two things were very different - dobhran was bringing my_odd_life with him - and also, since the last time we met, he's found a very signicant D/s relationship with another. The space we'd have would be different, but he's changed too. How would it be this time?
My mother had been in hospital the previous week, so time and mental energy had been consumed by visiting her and making sure she was alright. So, it wasn't till a few days before that I had the chance to feel nervous. Would I like my_odd_life? Would she like me? Just how do you connect with a woman whose husband you've already slept with. That nervousness was building to a peak as ruine_ and I moved things around in our flat to make space for 2 more people.. as we drove up to the station to collect them.. as we walked across the station to find out where their train arrived.
That nervousness melted when I felt dobhran's arms slip around me from behind, and I turned to see my_odd_life smiling. It faded to nothing over the next few minutes as we talked, and I was able to feel how comfortable she was.
Over the next few days, getting to know my_odd_life was definately one of the best things about their visit. To find another dominant I feel so comfortable with, who shares many of my thoughts and ideals on poly, kink and relationships in general.. yet is different enough to be able to make me think - to find someone with whom I can share discussions on life, relationships, philosophy... and who I trust enough to allow into my space when I'm playing with ruine_.. that's a real gift.
No storm this time. It was easy to reach out to dobhran again, to welcome him into my space, to feel our energy merge, connect, and circle around each other. The love between us was no less the moment he arrived than it was the moment he left two years ago.. and it grew as we spent time together. The intensity was gone, there were differences.. reaching out to him, I could feel parts of him held back for another. Words weren't necessary, I knew his submission was reserved for someone else now.. and that felt good. He needs that, and it's not something I could give him in any real way. It felt as though part of him, deep inside, was wrapped tight, held safe.. and it made me purr inwardly to see that he had that. If I look inside ruine_, I see the same thing.. only that one's mine.
The space was different too - my flat is all in one space, and you're always aware of other people nearby. It changes things, mutes them somewhat. There were other things that made each of the four of us more reserved, less spontaneous. But different is not less, there are other ways to connect - and there was wonderful, intimate, snuggly, magical space between us. There was a wonderful Yule spent with very special friends, with toasts, boasts and promises that had tears in my eyes. There was a big wheel, christmas markets, wandering to shops. There was a club, and sparks that started in small orbits around us, and leapt in cascades off to other people. It was a heart-warming, loving, space.. even more special because ruine_ and my_odd_life were there through it all.
It sounds as though I'm saying it was less this time - but it wasn't. There was less intensity, maybe - less chance to be physical - but that just left more space for talking, snuggling, and love. I love this man so much. When we were walking down the road together, just the two of us, I told him that I'd love to think of him as a boyfriend, that while it seemed silly because of the distance, that's how I felt. The next day, while I was washing dishes, he slipped his arms around me and said he felt the same way too, and he'd love to think of me the same way. It's crazy how happy one small word can make me, but.. I have a boyfriend. I melt inside when someone refers to him as my boyfriend. And that one word is the difference this time. I love him, he loves me, we're connected - with less space for other things, that is what grew. The rest, we can catch up on next time we meet.
Last visit was a storm, whirling through our lives, leaving us changed. I didn't want another storm. I don't think any of us were in the space for something so intense.
This wasn't a storm, it was a foundation, it was potential born in the dark of the year. New connections, wanted and needed, beginnings of something wonderful. A seed that, despite the distance, can grow.
Echoes of that storm were still spinning two years later - but I did feel some apprehensiveness about moving into its orbit again. It would be different this time. Two things were very different - dobhran was bringing my_odd_life with him - and also, since the last time we met, he's found a very signicant D/s relationship with another. The space we'd have would be different, but he's changed too. How would it be this time?
My mother had been in hospital the previous week, so time and mental energy had been consumed by visiting her and making sure she was alright. So, it wasn't till a few days before that I had the chance to feel nervous. Would I like my_odd_life? Would she like me? Just how do you connect with a woman whose husband you've already slept with. That nervousness was building to a peak as ruine_ and I moved things around in our flat to make space for 2 more people.. as we drove up to the station to collect them.. as we walked across the station to find out where their train arrived.
That nervousness melted when I felt dobhran's arms slip around me from behind, and I turned to see my_odd_life smiling. It faded to nothing over the next few minutes as we talked, and I was able to feel how comfortable she was.
Over the next few days, getting to know my_odd_life was definately one of the best things about their visit. To find another dominant I feel so comfortable with, who shares many of my thoughts and ideals on poly, kink and relationships in general.. yet is different enough to be able to make me think - to find someone with whom I can share discussions on life, relationships, philosophy... and who I trust enough to allow into my space when I'm playing with ruine_.. that's a real gift.
No storm this time. It was easy to reach out to dobhran again, to welcome him into my space, to feel our energy merge, connect, and circle around each other. The love between us was no less the moment he arrived than it was the moment he left two years ago.. and it grew as we spent time together. The intensity was gone, there were differences.. reaching out to him, I could feel parts of him held back for another. Words weren't necessary, I knew his submission was reserved for someone else now.. and that felt good. He needs that, and it's not something I could give him in any real way. It felt as though part of him, deep inside, was wrapped tight, held safe.. and it made me purr inwardly to see that he had that. If I look inside ruine_, I see the same thing.. only that one's mine.
The space was different too - my flat is all in one space, and you're always aware of other people nearby. It changes things, mutes them somewhat. There were other things that made each of the four of us more reserved, less spontaneous. But different is not less, there are other ways to connect - and there was wonderful, intimate, snuggly, magical space between us. There was a wonderful Yule spent with very special friends, with toasts, boasts and promises that had tears in my eyes. There was a big wheel, christmas markets, wandering to shops. There was a club, and sparks that started in small orbits around us, and leapt in cascades off to other people. It was a heart-warming, loving, space.. even more special because ruine_ and my_odd_life were there through it all.
It sounds as though I'm saying it was less this time - but it wasn't. There was less intensity, maybe - less chance to be physical - but that just left more space for talking, snuggling, and love. I love this man so much. When we were walking down the road together, just the two of us, I told him that I'd love to think of him as a boyfriend, that while it seemed silly because of the distance, that's how I felt. The next day, while I was washing dishes, he slipped his arms around me and said he felt the same way too, and he'd love to think of me the same way. It's crazy how happy one small word can make me, but.. I have a boyfriend. I melt inside when someone refers to him as my boyfriend. And that one word is the difference this time. I love him, he loves me, we're connected - with less space for other things, that is what grew. The rest, we can catch up on next time we meet.
Last visit was a storm, whirling through our lives, leaving us changed. I didn't want another storm. I don't think any of us were in the space for something so intense.
This wasn't a storm, it was a foundation, it was potential born in the dark of the year. New connections, wanted and needed, beginnings of something wonderful. A seed that, despite the distance, can grow.