(no subject)
>:I Well, how about I just put up my AIM convo with Jay. [I'll give you a hint, it's about my story]
Jay
i read ch1
Maggie
8D
Jay
i REALLY dont wanna sound like a dick, but it could use some work
Maggie
specifics please?
Jay
hmm...first, i would say you should "show" what you want to say, make the reader think a bit
Jay
instead of telling?
otherwise it kinda feels like a textbok
textbook
Maggie
o-0 ch1 is a journal entry
Jay
and i think you should think up better names
but thats just me
Maggie
...I spent about an hour finding names for everyone
Jay
oh...
Maggie
:I
any constructive critisms that i can actually use (echo journals are a bit different from other chapters since its only her point of view)
Jay
to be perfectly honest i dont think the general would have enough time to train one kid who simply walks in without notice
Maggie
thats more explained later
Jay
iwould think the general would be more disciplined
Maggie
as i had her state multiple times in the untyped ch12 "NONE CAN DEFEAT GENERAL KASMIRA" she refuses to be broken :-P
and oamenia is trying to shift into a peace state from a war state so certain high ranking characters suddenly have nothing to do
Jay
do you explain that later?
Maggie
yes
Jay
cuz i think you should explain it earlier, so the reader gets a clear image
and I have no idea where marlin is right now
Maggie
he doesnt either.
Jay
i realize hes prolly in some fortress
you could describe the hallways
Maggie
what part are you on? or did you stop reading?
Jay
i got to chapter 4
and im not particularly impressed with it, its a good start, but i cant make good constructive critisisms
i think you should ask andrew
Maggie
well what i got from this whole conversation was the Echo's past is boring from her point of view, the blank stone walls need more description aaand the names suck, none of which are gunna change : /
Well that was upsetting.
Jay
i read ch1
Maggie
8D
Jay
i REALLY dont wanna sound like a dick, but it could use some work
Maggie
specifics please?
Jay
hmm...first, i would say you should "show" what you want to say, make the reader think a bit
Jay
instead of telling?
otherwise it kinda feels like a textbok
textbook
Maggie
o-0 ch1 is a journal entry
Jay
and i think you should think up better names
but thats just me
Maggie
...I spent about an hour finding names for everyone
Jay
oh...
Maggie
:I
any constructive critisms that i can actually use (echo journals are a bit different from other chapters since its only her point of view)
Jay
to be perfectly honest i dont think the general would have enough time to train one kid who simply walks in without notice
Maggie
thats more explained later
Jay
iwould think the general would be more disciplined
Maggie
as i had her state multiple times in the untyped ch12 "NONE CAN DEFEAT GENERAL KASMIRA" she refuses to be broken :-P
and oamenia is trying to shift into a peace state from a war state so certain high ranking characters suddenly have nothing to do
Jay
do you explain that later?
Maggie
yes
Jay
cuz i think you should explain it earlier, so the reader gets a clear image
and I have no idea where marlin is right now
Maggie
he doesnt either.
Jay
i realize hes prolly in some fortress
you could describe the hallways
Maggie
what part are you on? or did you stop reading?
Jay
i got to chapter 4
and im not particularly impressed with it, its a good start, but i cant make good constructive critisisms
i think you should ask andrew
Maggie
well what i got from this whole conversation was the Echo's past is boring from her point of view, the blank stone walls need more description aaand the names suck, none of which are gunna change : /
Well that was upsetting.