Well first off, Happy new Year b*tches, hope everything is well in your world ( Read more... )

Matt: My parents knows about you.
Me: And yet you're alive ? I'm impressed.
Matt: Yeah, I just lost the half dozen dogs that were chasing me to eat my balls.
Me: I feel the love.
Matt: Feel the luck, I still have my balls.
Me: And what makes you think I care about your balls ?
Matt: You named them !
Me: Pff.