(no subject)
Well shit... I feel a tad bit... lame... right now. Why? Good question...
To begin, I am terrible at keeping on task. I have what can only be described as a shitton of stuff to do this weekend and it all should have been done long ago.
Second, nothing changes. Well, nothing about my attitude ever changes. I conciously want to do something about it but something is holding me back. Fear? Hope? Desparation? I have no idea, but it's starting to get really annoying. I remember thinking at the beginning of the year, "this year is going to be different, I'm going to do stuff." But what happened? I'm still sitting here, still being a dumbass not accomplishing anything. Any step forward I come to is immediately met by a step, or maybe even a few steps, backward. This is in many contexts, such as school or being social. In terms of school, I'm not keeping up with my studying because none of my classes are deemed "entertaining" in my mind and because of that, I don't want to go to them, do the homework, etc, etc. In the social world, instead of moving forward, I just remain stagnant. Most of the time, I just sit around and do nothing which is probably hindering me more than anything. I was thinking about it, and as I stated way back at the beginning of the school year, some time around October, there are a LOT of cute girls in my hall. Well, with two weeks left in the goddamned school year, I still haven't had an actual conversation with all but two or three of them... I see them EVERY DAY and yet I don't even know what most of their voices sound like. Honestly, I just want to have a conversation with someone because sitting alone in my room is really boring... Most of the people don't even say hi... I'm terrible at initiating things, but I don't know if any of them realize that but I wouldn't expect them to either.
GODDAMNIT I NEED A FUCKING HAIR CUT
That is all.
To begin, I am terrible at keeping on task. I have what can only be described as a shitton of stuff to do this weekend and it all should have been done long ago.
Second, nothing changes. Well, nothing about my attitude ever changes. I conciously want to do something about it but something is holding me back. Fear? Hope? Desparation? I have no idea, but it's starting to get really annoying. I remember thinking at the beginning of the year, "this year is going to be different, I'm going to do stuff." But what happened? I'm still sitting here, still being a dumbass not accomplishing anything. Any step forward I come to is immediately met by a step, or maybe even a few steps, backward. This is in many contexts, such as school or being social. In terms of school, I'm not keeping up with my studying because none of my classes are deemed "entertaining" in my mind and because of that, I don't want to go to them, do the homework, etc, etc. In the social world, instead of moving forward, I just remain stagnant. Most of the time, I just sit around and do nothing which is probably hindering me more than anything. I was thinking about it, and as I stated way back at the beginning of the school year, some time around October, there are a LOT of cute girls in my hall. Well, with two weeks left in the goddamned school year, I still haven't had an actual conversation with all but two or three of them... I see them EVERY DAY and yet I don't even know what most of their voices sound like. Honestly, I just want to have a conversation with someone because sitting alone in my room is really boring... Most of the people don't even say hi... I'm terrible at initiating things, but I don't know if any of them realize that but I wouldn't expect them to either.
GODDAMNIT I NEED A FUCKING HAIR CUT
That is all.