Love is...?
Love is…?
Kyuhyun is young and he doesn’t understand love. He thinks he should, though, since he is in love, so he tries to find out.
Siwon is the first person he asks, because if he were to ask Heechul, he’d probably say, “Love is worshipping the Heenim,” or something along the same line. Also, Siwon is the only kind person around who wouldn’t laugh at Cho Kyuhyun, the witty and sarcastic magnae, for asking such a question.
“Hyung, what’s love?” Siwon doesn’t even pause for a moment to think before the words come out of his mouth like he’s reciting mathematical formulas, “Love is patient; Love is kind; Love is-hey Kyuhyun, where are you going? I’m not done yet!” Kyuhyun rolls his eyes as he walks away, he knows that Bible verse inside out, and he really doesn’t need to hear Siwon elaborate it more than he needs to.
Kyuhyun decides that the best answer to his question would come from himself, duh, he’s Cho Kyuhyun after all.
He thinks of the first time he meets Lee Sungmin. The first time he meets Lee Sungmin is the first time he truly understands the meaning of ‘visual shock’. Kyuhyun thinks that pink is the most disgusting color ever, and he cannot understand how someone, especially a man, can stand to be near anything contaminated by slightest speck of pink, much less wear pink. Eventually, he makes an exception. He thinks that if he has to willingly see any man wear pink, it will only be Lee Sungmin. Because Lee Sungmin is the only man who can look so adorable in pink. Other men who wear pink just look like fags, including him. But of course, Kyuhyun only admits this to himself secretly… he doesn’t share it with any of his band mates, because he just doesn’t.
He remembers the first time he’s ever felt so alive, it’s because of Lee Sungmin. Kyuhyun wakes up in the hospital with his mind fogged up and body numbed by pain to the extent where he almost cannot feel his limbs. Almost, because he feels a warm hand wrapped around his, and he’s amused, because at that moment he feels so alive, like he’d just been reborn. Everyone cries when he wakes up, Kangin looks away, but Kyuhyun can see his shoulders shaking. Everyone cries, except for the person holding his hand. Sungmin’s eyes are red from exhaustion, but he smiles the smile and gently says, “Good morning, Kyuhyun-ah.” Kyuhyun’s heart skips a beat, literally, and it shows on the pulse monitor that’s attached to his body. It sends Eeteuk into a panic attack, but Kyuhyun doesn’t really care, because he sees his reflection in Sungmin’s eyes and he’s so glad he’s alive.
He recalls the first time he realizes he’s attracted to Sungmin in a way he never thought he would be. It’s during their dance practice for Don’t Don, and Kyuhyun’s eyes are glued to Sungmin’s reflection in the mirror. He misses a beat and fumbles with his steps when he sees Sungmin’s hip thrusts. All his band mates rush to him, thinking that he was in pain -after math of the accident. He lets them fuss over him, because he thinks that it won’t be too wise to tell them the real reason.
He thinks of the first time he realizes that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Sungmin. He’s scared, but he doesn’t tell anyone, because he doesn’t know who to tell. No one asks either, because Kyuhyun has a flawless façade. But Sungmin knows. He sits down next to Kyuhyun one night and his voice is laced with worry as he asks, “What’s wrong?” Kyuhyun knows there’s no way he can lie to Sungmin, because he sees right through him. He looks at Sungmin’s beautiful face for a moment, taking in every detail, as if it’s the last time he’s going to see Sungmin so up close. The next moment, he blurts out everything that’s been on his mind, and somewhere in between, he confesses to Sungmin. He braces himself for the worst, but he’s forgotten that Sungmin only gives the best. Sungmin’s lips taste like cherry, and he smells like vanilla with a dash of cinnamon. Kyuhyun is intoxicated.
He remembers the first time he breaks Sungmin’s heart, he breaks his own too. He’s confused and overwhelmed by the intensity of his feelings. He feels as if he’s losing control of himself and he doesn’t think it’s right. He wants to be with Sungmin every moment; he can barely contain his jealously when he sees Hyukjae messing around with Sungmin; he wants to hide Sungmin from the eyes of the world. These thoughts scare him and he decides to avoid Sungmin until he can control his feelings. He sees the disappointment in Sungmin’s eyes when he tells him that he doesn’t want to watch a movie because he’s going to play video games with Donghae. It hurts him, but he doesn’t know what to do. Sungmin knows Kyuhyun is avoiding him and he doesn’t sit back and wait for things to get better. He corners Kyuhyun one day, slightly aggressive, and Kyuhyun will never forget the fierceness in his eyes. “Don’t you dare hide from me anymore,” he hisses into Kyuhyun’s ear as he wraps his arms tightly around him, and Kyuhyun stops thinking about everything because Sungmin is flooding his senses. Then he realizes how stupid he’s been, because nothing else matters, only Sungmin.
Kyuhyun recalls all these moments and his lips curve into a warm smile unknowingly. He feels a pair of warm hands wrap around his waist and he gently covers those hands with his. “Kyuhyunnie, you look so cute when you smile like that,” Sungmin chuckles and Kyuhyun frowns slightly at the comment. He turns around and pulls Sungmin into his arms, but as he opens his mouth to make his usual witty and sarcastic retort, nothing comes out; because he sees Sungmin’s smiling eyes and he decides to let it pass this time. Sungmin snuggles up against him quietly, and Kyuhyun presses a kiss to his head, and he thinks it’s okay even if he doesn’t exactly understand love. At least he knows he has met love… because if Sungmin isn’t love, then who is?
Years later, Kyuhyun realizes that he might be more intelligent than most people, but he still doesn’t know what love is. This time, he stops finding the answer in himself, and it hits him: Sungmin is the answer.