There are some things that i really wish did not bother me.
the BOSS at my temp job hired an "assistant" who basically does the sitting and listening i used to do. its not like i miss being a wall to talk to, i just feel really unproductive, even more so than before. and i also get a whole lot less worship. and she gets praised of course, because she is willing to work here full time and tells BOSS how great he is all the time. She is so dumb and blonde. She went to community college (didnt even get an AA) for a few years studying comm, which means she learned how to smile and nod really well. she spells suite "suit". i want to murder her and that really makes me angry. I shouldnt feel this competetion that i do, i shouldnt care, but my psychology is prepared for situations like this. my innate response is "back of bitch who is taking my place" but really i could careless. I am debating if i will just let him know that this will be my last day. I was planning on making it next week, but hell, having days off sounds great. This environment is not good for my psyche.
so since i have had even less to do today i went through the abstracts for some conference i wasnt able to go to but would have given a limb to bump academia elbows with these people. About half way through the 200 pages, i come across the symposium that M led. i read his abstracts smiling. Then i get to the other presenters in the group, and realize that one of them is his sucubus fiance. Not only has she dropped her studies to soak up the benefits of his hard work and all his energy by latching on to his project, but she is using his credibility to present at the conference that is like the last supper of evolutionary research. She presents a synthesis of theoretical work that has already been done by others and an "outline of her model". SHE HASNT EVEN DONE ANY WORK YET. almost everyone at this conference has either done something amazing that they are presenting, or has done enough amazing things that they can get away with presenting their theory, because they are so important people would line up to hear them read nursery rhymes. SHE on the other hand is mooching off the amazing things he has done. It makes me so angry. and it shouldnt, i shouldnt care. but it makes me want to hack at her face with the blade of a paper cutter. So then i ask myself is this the same innate mechansim that is reacting to the dumb blonde, that says "back of bitch who is taking my place". Am i secretly angry because I wish it was me who was part of his symposium? Is there some part of me that as much as i know i could not live my life with the man, wishes it was somehow possible? Do I want to be the acadmic pair just as bad as he does?
smack me for even thinking it
no
no
no
interesting to think about though.
then there is frenchie. who i was so angry at last week. because he was supposed to come back and didnt, which is fine, but failed to let me know this. so i was worried about the little bastard while he is at some music festival in france. after a while i just went over my "he is not my boyfriend" mantra a few times, and stopped driving myself crazy. Then yesturday he called me, and the first thing he tells me is that he loves me, in french of course. my response, "what if this was one of my roomates". and the awkward moment passed. me not facing what he said until i went to bed that night. i dont want to feel any of the extreme emotions, no anger, no love. i am content with just like, just happy. i like the guy, but i dont love him, and when people start throwing that word around, it freaks me out.
especially when i am starting to get into someone new. oh how i adore stacen. we had real conversation yesturday. she gave me her phone number which i stared at for a long time without calling. part of me is hesitant to get to know her, because having a work crush is often better than having a work fling or even worse a work lover.
then there is the w drama that i dont even have the energy to type about.
on a happier note, jake and kirsten finally broke up! Now it is time for me to start stalking him so i can finally be united with my real husband to be.
in my other online research today, i found that heidi klum cant marry seal because it will alter her image and therefore be breach of her contract with victorias secret. how disgusting.
so since i have had even less to do today i went through the abstracts for some conference i wasnt able to go to but would have given a limb to bump academia elbows with these people. About half way through the 200 pages, i come across the symposium that M led. i read his abstracts smiling. Then i get to the other presenters in the group, and realize that one of them is his sucubus fiance. Not only has she dropped her studies to soak up the benefits of his hard work and all his energy by latching on to his project, but she is using his credibility to present at the conference that is like the last supper of evolutionary research. She presents a synthesis of theoretical work that has already been done by others and an "outline of her model". SHE HASNT EVEN DONE ANY WORK YET. almost everyone at this conference has either done something amazing that they are presenting, or has done enough amazing things that they can get away with presenting their theory, because they are so important people would line up to hear them read nursery rhymes. SHE on the other hand is mooching off the amazing things he has done. It makes me so angry. and it shouldnt, i shouldnt care. but it makes me want to hack at her face with the blade of a paper cutter. So then i ask myself is this the same innate mechansim that is reacting to the dumb blonde, that says "back of bitch who is taking my place". Am i secretly angry because I wish it was me who was part of his symposium? Is there some part of me that as much as i know i could not live my life with the man, wishes it was somehow possible? Do I want to be the acadmic pair just as bad as he does?
smack me for even thinking it
no
no
no
interesting to think about though.
then there is frenchie. who i was so angry at last week. because he was supposed to come back and didnt, which is fine, but failed to let me know this. so i was worried about the little bastard while he is at some music festival in france. after a while i just went over my "he is not my boyfriend" mantra a few times, and stopped driving myself crazy. Then yesturday he called me, and the first thing he tells me is that he loves me, in french of course. my response, "what if this was one of my roomates". and the awkward moment passed. me not facing what he said until i went to bed that night. i dont want to feel any of the extreme emotions, no anger, no love. i am content with just like, just happy. i like the guy, but i dont love him, and when people start throwing that word around, it freaks me out.
especially when i am starting to get into someone new. oh how i adore stacen. we had real conversation yesturday. she gave me her phone number which i stared at for a long time without calling. part of me is hesitant to get to know her, because having a work crush is often better than having a work fling or even worse a work lover.
then there is the w drama that i dont even have the energy to type about.
on a happier note, jake and kirsten finally broke up! Now it is time for me to start stalking him so i can finally be united with my real husband to be.
in my other online research today, i found that heidi klum cant marry seal because it will alter her image and therefore be breach of her contract with victorias secret. how disgusting.