Comments | teenage_hustler: I've really got to stop being such a pussy.

teenage_hustler

I've really got to stop being such a pussy.

Feb 15, 2011 03:39

A girl on my facebook I've known vaguely for a year or so posted something about hating how fat she's becoming in Germany and how she really badly wants to lose weight so she comes back to England not being the fatty she was when she left ( Read more... )

livejournal, friends, anxious

Comments 13

luvscharlie February 14 2011, 18:50:28 UTC

It's really hard not to be anxious even if it is just the internet and someone's only commenting. I know exactly what you mean by being anxious about that.

And I'm really glad you set people straight on size-acceptance. It's the small steps (regardless of where and what they are) that will hopefully get us to where we hope to be at some point.

teenage_hustler February 14 2011, 19:57:41 UTC

mmm. something told me that you might be kind of similar to me about this.

:) thank you. I'm pretty new to the whole movement, but I think it's a really important thing. It's so sad when people put their lives on hold, using the tired "i'll do it when i've lost X amount of kg" excuse. It's like, no, not after X amount of kg. now.

luvscharlie February 14 2011, 20:03:41 UTC

the tired "i'll do it when i've lost X amount of kg" excuse

I spent my late 20's and early 30's saying that ad nauseum, I want nobody else to do that to themselves!

teenage_hustler February 14 2011, 20:18:25 UTC

oh lordy. srsly. i dunno about your weight history, but i was the unfortunate fat child that got all the shit from 'friends', genuine friends, and family about it since she was seven. I never had nice clothes, because I was not allowed to have them until I'd lost X amt of kg (also we were poor, but you know), I've put off doing dance lessons for years even though I freakin' LOVE dancing, because I figured that I look too ugly while I do it when I'm this size... the worst was when I thought that losing weight was the only way that I would get over my depression. putting off living for the sake of losing weight is a terrible thing indeed.

meganmurphy1977 February 14 2011, 19:27:53 UTC

I've talked about this before, but once on LJ I said something slightly careless, and woke up the next morning to the cries of MANY enraged LJ peeps branding me a misunderstanding, racist little fucker who would do best to die in a gutter quickly and without delay (slight exaggeration mine).You and I friended each other after the Dramione New Year's meme, so I haven't known you outside of that area for very long. However, I'm not liking this comment at all. Most areas of Live Journal tend to be more liberal and when you brought up the topic of religion a few weeks ago, I bravely jumped into the discussion even though you and I shared completely opposite beliefs. Not one word of your response made me feel uncomfortable. Even though we were coming at the topic from different places, we managed to find agreement and understanding. I'm sorry the above situation happened, but I've always wanted to come back to that religion post and thank you for making me feel welcome even though you didn't share my views ( ... )

teenage_hustler February 14 2011, 20:09:58 UTC

well, if I remember correctly, with that particular issue you and I did agree fundamentally. It was just that the "side that we're on" if we want to talk about it in that sort of way (which i generally don't, to be clear) is different. *ahem* analogies are fun ( ... )

meganmurphy1977 February 14 2011, 20:35:25 UTC

that's such a sweet thing for you to say, and rest assured, you are entirely welcome. :)

Thanks so much! :)

As far as ignoring her posts, I meant actually removing her posts so you don't see them. I have someone on my friends list that complains over and over about everything, and I'm usually optimistic so it tended to be really frustrating. I just clicked the x on the corner of her message and I don't see any of her posts, but she's still on my friends list. Much more relaxing and no drama. :)

teenage_hustler February 15 2011, 04:30:49 UTC

Oh right! Hmm... not a bad idea...

lyras February 14 2011, 22:25:08 UTC

You're not being a pussy - communication is hard. Especially if you've had bad experiences in the past (I don't recall the incident you refer to, but it sounds horrible), and especially for certain types of people.

You did your best to be open with someone you considered a friend and she reacted badly - but you did your best. That's all you can do, and you need to keep telling yourself that.

Tangentially, I have found that accepting yourself as you are is the best way to move forward and actually lose weight, if you want to do so (general you, not specific you). So, yes, fat acceptance seems like a reasonable approach to me.

teenage_hustler February 15 2011, 04:35:36 UTC

Oh, the bad experience I had was in a comm, so you probably wouldn't have witnessed it.

Yeah, I know. I do keep telling myself that.

There's a danger in saying that "accepting yourself is the best way to lose weight", because it makes people still focus on weight loss. I agree with you, definitely, but the world has really, REALLY fucked us up with weight loss paraphernalia. We're obsessed, as a society, with weight loss. And that's just got to stop. The thing is, for a lot of people, even after they manage to accept themselves the way they are, their weight will still stay the same. They might even gain. The point is that that should be absolutely OK with them.

gfeather February 15 2011, 00:57:38 UTC

Numbers on a scale drive me batty! Really, life is happening, no matter what you weigh. I'm a fat girl who ran a marathon a few months ago and I plan to do it again this spring. Sure, I'm fitter than I've been in a long while, but I'm under no delusions. That said, it really bugs me that places selling fitness clothes and equipment are always geared towards the svelte and superfit. It makes lifestyle changes that much harder for those how want to make them. /fitness rant ( ... )

teenage_hustler February 15 2011, 04:37:34 UTC

running a marathon = AWESOME, regardless of your size. Good work!

I think you've got the right idea happening there, and I ABSOLUTELY agree with you about fitness clothes. It's insane. They want us fatties to exercise, yet they provide no nice fitness clothes for us? Come on, guys!

PCT sounds like a branch of cognitive behavioural therapy. Is it?

gfeather February 15 2011, 05:09:19 UTC

The biggest problem with the clothes is finding stuff that isn't oh say 80% cotton. Running in the heat in stuff that doesn't breath sucks the big one!

PCT isn't quite the same as CBT. It's based on the work of William Glasser and William T Powers. E Perry Good's book In Pursuit of Happiness is a good book to explain it or Power's book Making Sense of Behaviour. It's pretty straight forward and sensible (not fluffy bunnies stuff) but applying it to your life is more challenging than first glance would indicate.

I've been taking training in Applied Control Theory for about 18 months and if all goes to plan I should be a certified reality therapy councellor by June. Scary, isn't it? I have many serious concerns about my own mental state sometimes, but I guess I'm making myself strong at the broken places.