(Untitled)
Its been awhile since i wrote in here. I guess a lot has been going on. So much has been going on that yesterday i stood home from school because i had this really emotional break down or whatever. I just couldnt stop crying. My mom was telling me that my dad might be going to jail.. even though my dad and i dont get along that much nor that i see
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I'd like to say don't feel so bad, but when you get off of punishment take a gander at my LJ...seems like we think alike and that is why I think we get along (Even though your mom makes fun of me.) I did the therapy thing in like 5th grade, but they said I didn't need too much...boy were they wrong. I don't talk about my feelings to people, and you're right, writing it down doesn't help. I think I'm bi-polar in additon to having ADHD, but since I work at Stop n Shit, my benefits prob wouldn't cover any psychiatric help...oh well. I've come pretty close to killing myself and I think about it all the time, but I dont' think I could actually go through with it. But I don't think I'll ever get a boyfriend. You're 15, I'm 21, I've kissed 1 guy...all the guys I like seem to like my friends. I liked Carmine, but he's dating Erin now, and other guys are nice to me, but they don't actually want to date me...my problem is usually that I go for the really 'type A' good looking jock type guy, and they wouldn't be seen w/ a girl who's fat like me. No one has any idea how many times I've begged 'God' (If he even exists) to just end my life...hell I ride my bike every where, I've had a few near misses, but never been hit...I beg him to take my life cuz it just doesn't seem that he has anything planned out for me. I feel like I've just wasted 2 years of my life in Suffolk, and I don't know how I am going to pay to go back and forth to the city. It's pretty overwhelming...I was a High School Loser myself, but trust me college is better...I didn't have any friends until I graduated HS...actually I did, but he treated me like shit in front of his friends so they wouldnt' think that he liked me. I could go on and on about the negative things in my life...I too have just cried for no reason, I cried for like 1/2 hour straight one day after work, I couldn't even think of a reason for it, I just did, sometimes I do that at night too, lie in my bed and cry...hmmm...I should have made this an LJ entry...lol...but see, we're not so different you and me...different problems, but the same hopeless feelings, and feelings of worthlessness...I wish I had an answer for both of us...I'm not sure what writing all this did, I just pretty much unloaded on you, sorry for that...hopefully your mom doesn't keep you punished for a long time, we can hang out or something...I'll talk to you later...
Becca
PS...you should go to www.myspace.com and make a profile...then I can have 8 friends, lol. TTYL
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