(no subject)
Its been awhile since i wrote in here. I guess a lot has been going on. So much has been going on that yesterday i stood home from school because i had this really emotional break down or whatever. I just couldnt stop crying. My mom was telling me that my dad might be going to jail.. even though my dad and i dont get along that much nor that i see him much.. he is still my father and he might go to jail.. how fucking scary is that? I havent seen any of my cousins for months since my mom got into a fight with her sister aka my aunt. I never see anyone on my dads side of the family. Not that they care or like me. Heh. My mom got a new job. She's working close to the city.. She doesnt seem to happy about it since she is working about 8 or 9 hours a day.. she doesnt really get a day off. I have to babysit my brother and sister and cook them dinner just about everynight. I cant even handle this myself.. My grandma is being a pain in the ass about things. Asking me all these questions about my moms job. How the fuck am i suppose to know whats going on? Sheesh. I have been trying to do good in my classes.. but i just cant concentrate.. my mom is on my ass all the time about my grades.. but with all the shit that has happened this year.. im just falling apart.. no one really knows it. I just put on a fake smile and pretend im okay. Deep down, im slowly dying. In the last two months alone.. i was about to commit suicide.. but the more i thought about it.. the more i realized.. thats how you chicken out in life. I cant be scared.. to face the things i feel and just walk away from it. Eventually it will come back and haunt you. I mean i wont lie.. i am a crazy kid. No one may know it.. But i really am. No one seen the real me. I really think im crazy.. i seriously think i should go to theropy or something.. because.. writting everything down dont help much... i mean it does but it still doesnt go away. It doesnt heal.. In life.. i probably will never get a boyfriend.. or have a really close best friend.. I dont have someone to run to for comfort.. or just to cry on someones shoulder. I wish i have that.. but i dont.. I had to deal with a lot on my own.. My mom and everyone in my family thinks everything is so fucking peachy in my life. But its not. They dont know how hard it is to be me.. going through all of this. Im a fucking loser. Almost every night i wish i could just die or something just to get rid of all these things im feeling.
Sigh.. im done.. before i break down crying at the school library.. Later.
-Alyssa
Shut the fuck up she said, I'm going fucking deaf
You're always too loud, everything's too loud
Now that all my friends left, this place is fucking dead
I wanna move out, when can we move out? This shit has got to stop
I'll run away
Get the fuck up, she said your life is meaningless
it's going nowhere, you're going nowhere
you're just a fuck-up, she said I'll live alone instead
she said you don't care, I know I don't care
I'll never ask permission from you,
fuck off I'm not listening to you
I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home
I got too fucked up again, and passed out on the plane
Tried to forget you, i can't forget you
No sleep on this flight, I'll think about the nights
we had to get through, how did we get through?
I'll never ask permission from you,
fuck off I'm not listening to you
I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home
I'll run away
I think it's time that I should leave
I think it's time that I should leave
I think it's time that I should leave
I think it's time that I should leave
I'll never ask permission from you,
fuck off i'm not listening to you
I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home
I'll run away
I think it's time for me to leave
I think it's time for me to leave
I think it's time for me to leave
I think it's time for me to leave
Sigh.. im done.. before i break down crying at the school library.. Later.
-Alyssa
Shut the fuck up she said, I'm going fucking deaf
You're always too loud, everything's too loud
Now that all my friends left, this place is fucking dead
I wanna move out, when can we move out? This shit has got to stop
I'll run away
Get the fuck up, she said your life is meaningless
it's going nowhere, you're going nowhere
you're just a fuck-up, she said I'll live alone instead
she said you don't care, I know I don't care
I'll never ask permission from you,
fuck off I'm not listening to you
I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home
I got too fucked up again, and passed out on the plane
Tried to forget you, i can't forget you
No sleep on this flight, I'll think about the nights
we had to get through, how did we get through?
I'll never ask permission from you,
fuck off I'm not listening to you
I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home
I'll run away
I think it's time that I should leave
I think it's time that I should leave
I think it's time that I should leave
I think it's time that I should leave
I'll never ask permission from you,
fuck off i'm not listening to you
I'm not coming home, I'm never going to come back home
I'll run away
I think it's time for me to leave
I think it's time for me to leave
I think it's time for me to leave
I think it's time for me to leave