So Long Sweet Summer
They say when you grow up you look at your past or your childhood and ideally you take the good and leave the bad. After Amanda and I broke it off or whatever you want to call it, I guess I chalked it up to leave the bad and walked away from it all, but I guess looking back and regretting means it wasn't bad that I left. There was a lot of good to our relationship, and I miss it a lot. I think a lot of this is brought on from realizing as I'm separating that my friendships here are dissolving. There were friends I had here that now that I'm leaving the friendships are kind of crumbling because you realize you were friends of circumstance, and now circumstances are changing. The weird thing is I'm not trying to fix these relationships, I'm going back to the ones I left in the first place. I guess it's just that I realize I don't care about these ones much, but the ones I initially left I actually do care about. Like I never stopped checking these journals, and reading my friends' pages and Amanda's page and all that... I cant really say why. I guess I couldn't let go, and I still don't want to. I don't know what I'm getting at really... maybe just that I miss the old days, but I want to make new days with you guys. Just bear with me because really I have no idea what I'm doing right now, I'm kind fumbling at rebuilding and recreating friendships, and I feel really stupid and awkward doing it. There's not exactly a typical way to do this you know. Anyway, off to bed... maybe I'll be more coherent tomorrow.