Old Friends, and the Problem of Karaoke
I am meeting with an old friend later today. I haven't seen him in a couple years it seems, and before that, we didn't talk for several years back then too. Prior to losing touch, we were what you might consider best friends. And the funny thing was that it was a very bro kind of hetero friendship. Back in the day (wow, I can't think of many phrases that are more overused than "back in the day") we used to party, drink beers, smoke hookah, and chase girls. I was hopelessly in two closets. And I had fun, except when I wasn't having fun, which was about half the time, when I was wondering what the hell I was doing with my life. I only wondered this when I wasn't intoxicated, because when I was, it didn't matter. It didn't matter if anything was forced on my part, because it hid that region of my psyche. It made the mask I put on in front of others easier to wear.
So, we're going to get coffee later today and catch up, and I know I'm not going to be able to say anything yet about my transition or even that I'm bisexual. I just know. I can't yet. We don't hang out often, so I don't think it really needs to be said, per se. Still, it hurts that I can't talk about this yet to someone I consider a friend. I mean, there are lots of friends that I haven't told, mostly guy-friends. It's still awkward. I think it will get easier over time, maybe. Maybe I'm just waiting for the changes in myself over time to force the issue. Will that be harder or easier? I'm not sure yet.
Also, now, here is the problem of karaoke. The Karaoke Dilemma, if you will.
I don't have a great voice. I mean, I do, sometimes, when it's quiet and I sing over acoustic guitar. I am too nervous to actually sing during karaoke, so I just belt it out and yell and it works over manly man songs like "Mother" by Danzig or "Breakin' the Law" by Judas Priest. This is fun for me. It's a good way for me to not feel nervous in public and just scream out my issues via a microphone and a crowd of drunk people.
The problem is that my voice sounds like a man's voice. This bothers me. I can practice my female voice all I want, and it sounds good, but when I sing, my range is pretty hardwired into my throat, it seems.
Me and my friends go to karaoke every Wednesday, and it's fun for us to hang out, shoot pool, and sing random nonsense. I wish I could join my girl-friends in singing stuff like Pat Benatar, but my voice doesn't work like that. I think I'm just going to take a break from karaoke for a bit, and focus on my transition, and then build my singing voice back from the groundwork laid by going full-time on my female speaking voice. Does that make sense?
Oh, stupid voice box. I truly wish hormones affected the voice, and that vocal feminization surgery worked more than almost never. You always used to hear about back in Greek times, where they castrated people and used them for choirs, because apparently they could sing higher after that. Was that a myth? I am assuming the likely story is that they were castrated early on before the voice lowered. But, I don't know the answer to this.
Oh well, that's life. More questions than answers.
With mucho love,
Tea
So, we're going to get coffee later today and catch up, and I know I'm not going to be able to say anything yet about my transition or even that I'm bisexual. I just know. I can't yet. We don't hang out often, so I don't think it really needs to be said, per se. Still, it hurts that I can't talk about this yet to someone I consider a friend. I mean, there are lots of friends that I haven't told, mostly guy-friends. It's still awkward. I think it will get easier over time, maybe. Maybe I'm just waiting for the changes in myself over time to force the issue. Will that be harder or easier? I'm not sure yet.
Also, now, here is the problem of karaoke. The Karaoke Dilemma, if you will.
I don't have a great voice. I mean, I do, sometimes, when it's quiet and I sing over acoustic guitar. I am too nervous to actually sing during karaoke, so I just belt it out and yell and it works over manly man songs like "Mother" by Danzig or "Breakin' the Law" by Judas Priest. This is fun for me. It's a good way for me to not feel nervous in public and just scream out my issues via a microphone and a crowd of drunk people.
The problem is that my voice sounds like a man's voice. This bothers me. I can practice my female voice all I want, and it sounds good, but when I sing, my range is pretty hardwired into my throat, it seems.
Me and my friends go to karaoke every Wednesday, and it's fun for us to hang out, shoot pool, and sing random nonsense. I wish I could join my girl-friends in singing stuff like Pat Benatar, but my voice doesn't work like that. I think I'm just going to take a break from karaoke for a bit, and focus on my transition, and then build my singing voice back from the groundwork laid by going full-time on my female speaking voice. Does that make sense?
Oh, stupid voice box. I truly wish hormones affected the voice, and that vocal feminization surgery worked more than almost never. You always used to hear about back in Greek times, where they castrated people and used them for choirs, because apparently they could sing higher after that. Was that a myth? I am assuming the likely story is that they were castrated early on before the voice lowered. But, I don't know the answer to this.
Oh well, that's life. More questions than answers.
With mucho love,
Tea