Month 9: A Scatter-brained Sort of Update
Okay, I need to update.
Sometimes, it's hard for me to collect my thoughts into one cohesive post when I am under stress. Over the past few weeks, I've tried to sit down and write something on my journal, only to be like, "Okay, how can I possibly explain all of the stress and annoyance that I am feeling in proper English that people can understand? Can't I just, like, hold the "f" button for fifteen pages and call it an entry? I think that sums it all up nicely in a little (re: kind of large) textual bow."
I'm a little relaxed today; it's my day off. So, I will write something. It might be a little scattered.
Nine and a half months on hormones. I'm wearing makeup at work now; it's nothing particularly extensive, really just some charcoal or black eyeliner and concealer. But, I've found it helps, and my face doesn't exactly have that bony-guy-with-makeup look anymore. I feel like my face has feminized just enough for makeup to really shine on my face. And you know, of course, my self-image is better on some days and worse on others. I get "girled" at work here and there by customers, mostly older ones, and almost exclusively women (although some younger women have correctly gendered me too). It's difficult at work because most of the customers are regulars who are almost guaranteed to call me "dude" or "sir" or "bud" because they know that I am biologically male. I'm trying to just get over it. I think a few more months on the hormones will help.
My living situation outright sucks. My roommates have literally told me that I can't have guests, even my boyfriend, over unless one of them is there. They're ganging up on me, and it feels like I'm paying $600 a month to have the privilege of living in their house, as opposed to being their roommate. Not only that, they don't take me seriously. One of them has refused to call me "TJ", only "Trevor", because "TJ" is not my real name. It's frustrating. Couple that with the fact that my bike is my only means of getting home from work (the buses don't run late) and it's a four mile ride semi-uphill, I'm just done. I can't handle my lack of motorized transport from where I live. It was a nice idea, running clean out of my Grandma's house before breasts started to appear, but now I realize it was somewhat of a mistake. I should have waited for something closer to work. Either way, I told my roommates that I can't live there anymore, and they are giving me 'till the first of April to leave. That's fine. I've found some leads.
On the bright side:
I went out with my boyfriend (who, again, is a pre-HRT female-to-male, and only occasionally IDs as male, he's fine either way at the moment) to Chuy's for dinner to celebrate our six-month anniversary, and the waitress consistently called us "you girls". Later in the evening, I guess some guys from across the establishment in the bar were talking crap about us, and the waitress was all, "I know there are some guys over there that are prejudiced against lesbians but I want you guys to know that I was defending you guys over there, and I totally support your right to be here. You two are adorable." When we left, she was all loudly, "Bye girls!" I felt pretty good, although I felt a little bad for Corin. Speaking of Corin, he is starting hormones tomorrow (!), and I'm sure he's going to do just fine. I always said he makes a pretty girl and a dashingly handsome boy, either way, and he's always liked that compliment. I already think of him as male. He's almost there, anyway.
Well, focusing on finding a new place at the moment..
I'll post again soon, probably with pictures.
Cheers,
Tea
Sometimes, it's hard for me to collect my thoughts into one cohesive post when I am under stress. Over the past few weeks, I've tried to sit down and write something on my journal, only to be like, "Okay, how can I possibly explain all of the stress and annoyance that I am feeling in proper English that people can understand? Can't I just, like, hold the "f" button for fifteen pages and call it an entry? I think that sums it all up nicely in a little (re: kind of large) textual bow."
I'm a little relaxed today; it's my day off. So, I will write something. It might be a little scattered.
Nine and a half months on hormones. I'm wearing makeup at work now; it's nothing particularly extensive, really just some charcoal or black eyeliner and concealer. But, I've found it helps, and my face doesn't exactly have that bony-guy-with-makeup look anymore. I feel like my face has feminized just enough for makeup to really shine on my face. And you know, of course, my self-image is better on some days and worse on others. I get "girled" at work here and there by customers, mostly older ones, and almost exclusively women (although some younger women have correctly gendered me too). It's difficult at work because most of the customers are regulars who are almost guaranteed to call me "dude" or "sir" or "bud" because they know that I am biologically male. I'm trying to just get over it. I think a few more months on the hormones will help.
My living situation outright sucks. My roommates have literally told me that I can't have guests, even my boyfriend, over unless one of them is there. They're ganging up on me, and it feels like I'm paying $600 a month to have the privilege of living in their house, as opposed to being their roommate. Not only that, they don't take me seriously. One of them has refused to call me "TJ", only "Trevor", because "TJ" is not my real name. It's frustrating. Couple that with the fact that my bike is my only means of getting home from work (the buses don't run late) and it's a four mile ride semi-uphill, I'm just done. I can't handle my lack of motorized transport from where I live. It was a nice idea, running clean out of my Grandma's house before breasts started to appear, but now I realize it was somewhat of a mistake. I should have waited for something closer to work. Either way, I told my roommates that I can't live there anymore, and they are giving me 'till the first of April to leave. That's fine. I've found some leads.
On the bright side:
I went out with my boyfriend (who, again, is a pre-HRT female-to-male, and only occasionally IDs as male, he's fine either way at the moment) to Chuy's for dinner to celebrate our six-month anniversary, and the waitress consistently called us "you girls". Later in the evening, I guess some guys from across the establishment in the bar were talking crap about us, and the waitress was all, "I know there are some guys over there that are prejudiced against lesbians but I want you guys to know that I was defending you guys over there, and I totally support your right to be here. You two are adorable." When we left, she was all loudly, "Bye girls!" I felt pretty good, although I felt a little bad for Corin. Speaking of Corin, he is starting hormones tomorrow (!), and I'm sure he's going to do just fine. I always said he makes a pretty girl and a dashingly handsome boy, either way, and he's always liked that compliment. I already think of him as male. He's almost there, anyway.
Well, focusing on finding a new place at the moment..
I'll post again soon, probably with pictures.
Cheers,
Tea