Getting Closer

[teeganjane]

Full-time date fast approaches.

I just realized that I have about three months or so left. Or less. I might push it forward a little. I've been feeling more confident lately. And something has just begun to happen at work that has surprised me: some customers have been pegging me as female without me even wearing makeup or dressing completely female or anything. I didn't think I was all that passing, and then several customers have said things like "ma'am" and "her" and "woman" in reference to me. It happens maybe a few times per day. Other people say things like "he" or "bud" or "dude" so I'm sure it's not perfect, but dang, it feels good to know that some people see what's going on here. I'm pretty sure it's a combination of two things that I'm pretty sure have been increasing my chances of correct gendering:

1. Changing my voice. I've found that if I "pinch" my vocal chords in a certain way, it makes my voice way more feminine (and less gay male) than what I'd been doing before. It's funny, I've never thought to do this before but it helps a lot. It's hard to explain what I'm doing, exactly, but it works.
2. Hiding my Adam's apple. Yeah, my Adam's apple is pretty big. I've found that if I wear a scarf, I get correctly gendered a lot more than otherwise. This is why I feel like I need a tracheal shave. I may not get any other FFS, but I need this. I can't bloody wear a scarf during the summer months in Southern California.

So, I'm getting there. No makeup yet (except on special outings), but I've been more or less wearing the clothes I will be wearing full-time, mostly. There are a few totally female shirts that I wear often; I still wear a lot of male shirts, and there are some female tops that I probably will wear eventually, but don't feel like I'm ready to yet. I need to go jeans shopping, if only because I have a lot of male-cut jeans that while are still form-fitting, they are ceasing to be form-fitting as my body changes. And they feel awkward. Anyway, I'm really not a girly-girl when it comes to this sort of stuff. I like jeans and tees. I don't mind looking like a boyish, questionably queer female. That's fine. That's how I've always seen myself.

Oh, and big news: I've recently told my boss that I'd like to bring up the topic of my transgenderism to my coworkers at the next store meeting, which is on Sunday. I'm nervous. Nay, terrified. But I feel like I need to do this eventually, and I'd rather everyone know it and understand it first before I show up one day with makeup and a new name badge. They're currently considering letting me talk about it, but they might ask me to wait until a later date. I could go either way at this point. Hell, I'm almost fine with putting it off a little longer. We'll see how it goes.

Until next time,
TJ