5th or 6th?
Today has just been a crazy, hard day. Helen and I have basically been arguin the whole day. I'm just more upset bout any of the things we've talked bout today cuz she was tellin me bout how she liked 3-5 people b4 me..ok yea..2 happen to be my big sisters..and then so this makes me wonder...she didn't know them until I started talkin to her cuz they knew me..so she liked both of us?...I mean I could be wrong, but that seems kinda right. I knew she had something for one cuz it just didn't feel right..like something had happened..yea they were joking around, but I didn't feel right...and I never did like when she would go over and stay the night like when I was gone..But so anyway..yea it seems absurd and completely stupid, like I should grow up, and maybe I should, but I feel like I was last..I feel like there's nothing..u know...kinda like "nothing else is gonna happen with them, so I'll talk to tiffany"...I dunno..I'm hurt..it really sux..and to think if she liked my big sis while she was talkin to me...should just been like "fuck it"...it really sux...I didn't really eat at dinner...I'm hungry, but don't wanna eat. I'm not goin to indoor soccer tonight...like it'd prob relax me, but I may not be in the mood and waste people's times..I dunno..I just dun feel well..just wanna leave...go somewhere..just wanna say "fine...I'm last..then I'll be last" and leave...I told her I was sorry, cuz I'm acting stupid, but I mean I can't help to feel like the last resort basically...I should try and forget it..and besides I have a speech paper to do...Lata