Catching a break
"Each game of chess means there's one less variation left to be played." Tim Rice
So much to catch up on since last I wrote here! Not sure how elegant I will be in getting everything down, as I have been running on empty for months now.
The first thing I should mention: our production of Chess: The Musical went up last weekend and is now one for the history books. It was a big bold production, bigger than it even was last time around, and I am so glad we worked so hard to bring it to life and proud of how successful it was. Both shows were at near capacity each night (270 and 240, respectively), and Max, the Wheaton theater director, was pleased with the end result and has suggested that any time we want to come back (like next year), he wouid be up for it.
Which is good, because, frankly, the project reinvigorated me and made me remember I am actually quite good at organizing and directing and this is where my heart really lies. It isn’t with my day job, which has frankly become increasingly un-fun lately. I was meant to be a writer, not a supervisor of people. Were it not for the big sweet paycheck that lets me pay off my bills, I would have announced my retirement months ago.
But is the big sweet paycheck really worth the soul destroying ache I feel every Sunday night or Monday morning? Or the way I count my work days down by splitting it up into pieces (10 percent Monday morning, 20 percent Monday afternoon, 30 percent Tuesday morning, etc), just as a way to survive the drudgery?
Every week, it becomes harder and harder to justify. Especially after the excited rush of creative excitement I felt after the Chess open, or the thrilled feeling I had watching the show play out. I was in absolute tears watching Anatoly say goodbye to Florence at the end of the show, each and every night, and sometimes the sad thought would come over me, “Is it the show or is it my sadness for my work life?” And I”m not sure I have the answer.
I mean, it definitely was the actors as catalyst, and I am very proud of the way that I dug deep and worked hard to provide new meaning to a show I already did five years ago. The show was better for that fresh perspective, but also, frankly, for my focus on the business side of things: making sure we looked at ticket sales plus grants plus donations to equal revenue, something I think often gets overlooked so often. The show made money from that perspective, and it’s the first time since the last time we did this five years ago, dammit, and we need to do more of this.
So the other thing I did do three weeks ago was let Anna know I was resigning from the board, although to keep it quiet, and the more I think about it, and in light of last week, I would be willing to stick around if a) they add more folks to the board to help out with the work that needs to be done and b) Agree to stick to the semi-staged concert version format I have established, one that I have proven can be successful for this group
Which all is to say, man do I need a vacation. And good thing I am now getting one. Tomorrow morning, as a matter of fact. Three days after Chess closed, two days after Father’s day, I will be flying off at eight o’clock at night for two weeks in London and Norway with Corb and his mom.
And the minute I hop into our Uber to get away tomorrow morning, I just know I will feel the pressure starting to lifting from my shoulders.
Everybody needs a little time away.