So its been a day
So its been a bit of a day today, one of those annoying ones that makes you
sit at your desk and query what in gods name am i doing here? What is the point and why am i trying my hardest and slaving my guts out working for ridiculously low pay, to manage something that it seems no one appreciates.
Today was technically the last day of my works Financial Officer, who is leaving after 4 years. She is the 3rd person to decamp from the organisation since i started. (She sent me her letter of resignation while i was on holiday - was really happy to discover that one when i returned back to work last week)
When talking to her today i was saying that i was beginning to get a bit paranoid about everyone leaving and was unsure what it was that i was doing wrong.
She did this weird thing where she shrugged and when i asked what was the problem she just said "she was leaving and didn't really think it mattered"
This is someone I've tried really hard to get along with, in fact thought i was quite friendly with, and i just got kind of paranoid and sad. The old Admin person who worked with me for 8 months hasn't even talked to me since she left, even though she drops off and picks up her daughter from the carpark out the front of the office.
I'm finding it hard, I'm not like most people who live in my area, I don't have kids, I'm not in a relationship. I try very hard to get on with people, make them feel welcome and listened too, Try to manage the staff kindly, but I am new to managing people. to organising the amount of stuff that needs to be done. Occassionally i talk to myself and get annoyed and rant a little, but try not to do it too much and generally its in my office where no one can really hear.
Tomorrow I have my yearly review after delivering the COM meeting and budget for the next year. I am tired, I feel uncertain constantly as to whether I should even be doing this job, but I'm not sure what else i should be doing. Lately i feel very unsure of myself, of what it is that I'm good at. I feel unlike the people in my area and alone.
Part of me hopes that they fire / don't review my contract at the end of the year. Part of me is terrified that's exactly what will happen.
Feeling pretty stressed at the moment. Unsure as to what i want to do, where I'm going. While I love being in the country amongst the trees, I'm not sure I'm suited to being amongst the rural population.
sit at your desk and query what in gods name am i doing here? What is the point and why am i trying my hardest and slaving my guts out working for ridiculously low pay, to manage something that it seems no one appreciates.
Today was technically the last day of my works Financial Officer, who is leaving after 4 years. She is the 3rd person to decamp from the organisation since i started. (She sent me her letter of resignation while i was on holiday - was really happy to discover that one when i returned back to work last week)
When talking to her today i was saying that i was beginning to get a bit paranoid about everyone leaving and was unsure what it was that i was doing wrong.
She did this weird thing where she shrugged and when i asked what was the problem she just said "she was leaving and didn't really think it mattered"
This is someone I've tried really hard to get along with, in fact thought i was quite friendly with, and i just got kind of paranoid and sad. The old Admin person who worked with me for 8 months hasn't even talked to me since she left, even though she drops off and picks up her daughter from the carpark out the front of the office.
I'm finding it hard, I'm not like most people who live in my area, I don't have kids, I'm not in a relationship. I try very hard to get on with people, make them feel welcome and listened too, Try to manage the staff kindly, but I am new to managing people. to organising the amount of stuff that needs to be done. Occassionally i talk to myself and get annoyed and rant a little, but try not to do it too much and generally its in my office where no one can really hear.
Tomorrow I have my yearly review after delivering the COM meeting and budget for the next year. I am tired, I feel uncertain constantly as to whether I should even be doing this job, but I'm not sure what else i should be doing. Lately i feel very unsure of myself, of what it is that I'm good at. I feel unlike the people in my area and alone.
Part of me hopes that they fire / don't review my contract at the end of the year. Part of me is terrified that's exactly what will happen.
Feeling pretty stressed at the moment. Unsure as to what i want to do, where I'm going. While I love being in the country amongst the trees, I'm not sure I'm suited to being amongst the rural population.