but wait, there's more
i've also been realizing how little i ACTUALLY know. i mean, for a few years now i've really liked socrates' idea that "the more you know, you realize you don't know anything at all" in the sense that how much do i actually KNOW is a fact about the world? i still stand by that because while i accept many things as facts, i also accept that the "facts" i was told could be completely wrong in many many many areas of the life, the universe, and everything.
now, the point where this becomes a problem is in the first half of that quote. the "more you know" part. because what i'm realizing is that there is SO fucking little i know. considering i've graduated fucking college already, i still feel pretty god damn useless in most practical aspects of living life. i dont know how to fix anything, i don't know a whole hell of a lot about this country, or any other country for that matter, i dont know much about how politics work, i dont know how electronics work, and so on. but what's worse is that i'm starting to realize that the things i give myself credit for knowing, i dont really even know a lot about those things either. even things as simple as the definitions of words, words i use frequently. to be completely honest, i would bet that a good 40% of the words i use commonly, i really don't have a clue what they specifically mean, i just know how they're used, and often i dont even know that very well. i was taking this personality test today, and many of the questions were just on a scale from "very good" to "not at all" on one thing or another about my personality, and most of them were just one word, and i found myself going back to merriam-webster online to look up words like "impulsive," "resilient," and "opinionated" because i know basically what they mean or how they're used, but i dont REALLY know what any of those words mean in comparison to any other words like those with remotely similar definitions.
these are words. the finite number of words i know in english are literally the molds around which my thoughts are formed, and i kinda have an idea what they're shaped like, but apparently i have no fucking clue what they're made of.
now, the point where this becomes a problem is in the first half of that quote. the "more you know" part. because what i'm realizing is that there is SO fucking little i know. considering i've graduated fucking college already, i still feel pretty god damn useless in most practical aspects of living life. i dont know how to fix anything, i don't know a whole hell of a lot about this country, or any other country for that matter, i dont know much about how politics work, i dont know how electronics work, and so on. but what's worse is that i'm starting to realize that the things i give myself credit for knowing, i dont really even know a lot about those things either. even things as simple as the definitions of words, words i use frequently. to be completely honest, i would bet that a good 40% of the words i use commonly, i really don't have a clue what they specifically mean, i just know how they're used, and often i dont even know that very well. i was taking this personality test today, and many of the questions were just on a scale from "very good" to "not at all" on one thing or another about my personality, and most of them were just one word, and i found myself going back to merriam-webster online to look up words like "impulsive," "resilient," and "opinionated" because i know basically what they mean or how they're used, but i dont REALLY know what any of those words mean in comparison to any other words like those with remotely similar definitions.
these are words. the finite number of words i know in english are literally the molds around which my thoughts are formed, and i kinda have an idea what they're shaped like, but apparently i have no fucking clue what they're made of.