protocol: activated

Aug 24, 2013 20:10

Sometimes, life throws you stuff and you much catch it the best you can.

The ectopic pregnancy; the resulting loss and surgery have been a low point in my life that only deepened as unsuccessful attempts pilled over it. I worked every possible hours at work, to compensate for vacation. 9 hours strait of sitting down in front of a computer and adding a nice padding to my ass. I got so tired I felt nothing was really enjoyable anymore. I feel like months went by with a unquenchable sorrow that ate me from the inside...

We finally left for a 2 week trip to Scotland; I didnt know what to expect. I packed my boots and my sorrows with me. I didnt feel terribly up to it be everything was booked and staying home was not a more enjoyable prospect either. However Scotch can truly help a broken heart and neolithic cairns and brochs truly worked wonders. It took many days for my mind to ease but it did and I came back with an ass that was a little heavier but a heart that was a little lighter. (food was really damn good!)

Then came Bico. I wasnt pregnant so might as well play hard and battle. Full time larp completely took me away from all worries, even more than going overseas... like a flight of stairs of unhappiness; I climbed it back up.

That meant we came back from all these adventures, completely exhausted but mentally refreshed.

I expected to take another month to rest, relax and get a little more in shape. I would have wanted things to be ''perfect'' before we start the in-vitro treatments... but life being what it is; when my husband asked if I was sure I wanted to wait; I thought about it hard and there wouldn't be any perfect moment. Why would I relax more now than I ever had? More time probably meant more time to worry... So we jumped. We took an appointment on Wednesday; and started the ''antagonist protocol'' .

(I just love the ominous name)

The protocol means that for 2 weeks, I travel to Montreal to either do a blood test or a sonogram. Every night I inject myself with drugs that will make my body prepare a lot more eggs than humanly possible. I have a few more pills to take but its not rocket science.

When that is completed, eggs will be taken; mixed with my other half's love juice to make super-awzom-embryos of doom. Then one will be placed in my belly and hopefully take root for good, at the right place. If not; another will be taken from the feezer where they are stored and many attempts can be made until it works.

It not as hard a process I had feared it would be. The drugs dont have any adverse effects (for now) and I sleep in mtl the nights before the appointments. I dont miss too much work because the appointments are early and I really dont mind stabbing myself with a needle every night. All is going according to plan.

I fill my head with memories of Scotland, Bico and I keep busy with the home improvement that started this week as well. JF and me have started a training program too but that I will probably have to abandon when the implantation comes...

For now it fills my time and leaves no room to worrying.
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